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survey question: is anybody actually looking forward to it's not a date?

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #it's one of those nights i am very very unsure of myself #(and by this question i mean... is there someone being aware that it exists and maybe being aware not only when i talk about it)#(and having the intention of reading it when it comes out??)#(like not just in a 'oh crazy posted a thing hmm maybe i'll check it out' way but an actual 'ooh yay it finally came out' way)

all i have to say is this fic had BETTER be super easy to read and also fun and interesting and heartwrenching but mostly the super smooth comprehension thing

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #so much effort... SO MUCH EFFORT #and so far there's like one actual plot thing i've changed. ONE (and it's a really really tiny detail)#the rest is me rewording and reparagraphing the same meaning into sentences that sound better and are more captivating #ALL FOR YOUUUUUUU #i think i am turning into a bitter old shrew but w/e this fic is demanding everything i have and some of what i don't #and the thing that terrifies me more than anything is that it won't actually be worth it. that i'm making things worse. or just equal #and writing it is already emotionally exhausting because of how personal it is for me #(hi hello i infused its themes and development with stuff i am. also. going through)#(it hits really close to home ngl)#i just want it to be WORTH IT

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

HAAAAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC

#ORIGINAL POST #CRAZY WRITES THINGS #KEITH AU

i'm reading the "keith au" tag on my blog from the beginning for shits and giggles and

holy shit i've learned so much in the past year

there is still much to be learned but holy shit i've learned SO MUCH

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #i kept freaking out in the tags about this or that that i knew i was doing wrong somehow but couldn't figure out how else to do #and now i... do #i've barely scraped the top of the mountain of all there is to learn about writing #but holy shit that one scraped sliver is HUGE #i didn't even notice i was getting better but i think I HAAAAAAVE #A LOT #this is so cool and gives me hope that maybe i can improve even more #i /feel/ like i'm stuck in a certain level and not moving up but that is also how i felt a year ago and well #I MOVED UP

"[...] and she wonders where all her preparation over Christmas break went.

Probably on vacation. To, like, Antarctica."

still a bit fond of this line but it must go

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #preserving it here for... idk some purpose #(i actually think it's already on my blog because this is one of the scenes i put into a preview)#(i distinctly remember that when i posted the preview i p much rewrote every sentence of it right before)#(and kept going 'omg if i paid this much attention to every sentence in the book my brain would explode')#(hahahaha....hahha....ha)

there is no way i'm gonna get this ready in time for july 14th 0_0

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #i would be lucky to get HALF of this done in time for july 14th #my abilities have improved so much??? that i get to change p much every single sentence #but not enough that figuring out what to replace the awkward sentences with comes easy #i can devote half an hour or more to a single sentence #and i keep asking myself what is more important - to make it as spectacular as i can or to post it in time #and guess what the answer is #(i just want it to be gooooooooooood)#but there... there is no way i can get it ready at this pace #(i am like. never ever ever devoting this much time and effort to a fic ever again)#(books yea maybe but with fics i'm just gonna do one moderately okay rewrite and focus on improving those skills and THAT'S /IT/)#(not this 'every sentence has to be worthy of being on the book jacket' shit i'm doing now)#(but hey i already STARTED and the results are P AWESOME so WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE but to CONTINUE)#(the only thing worse than a badly-written fic is a fic with inconsistent quality)#(unless of course 'inconsistent' means 'straight upward slope towards better and better' which THIS WOULDN'T)#sigh i hate and love this fic so much at the same time it's ridiculous

i think i'm back to not knowing what the fuck i'm doing, rhythm-wise

#original post #crazy writes things #keith au #i really dig how the second chapter turned out but now everything seems choppy again???#and like i know that most published books i've read /are/ pretty choppy but that ain't what i'm about man #i want my stuff to read smooth and intense like spoken poetry

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