#crythemillennial

[crythemillennial]

Hella Bees

In Hella Threes

Who’s in Hella?

That is Mees

[crythemillennial]

FUCK YOU KAREN YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY SNEEZE LIKE THAT

NO

YOU DO NOT

FUCKING PUPPY-TWEE-ASS-BABY-BIRD SNEEZING MOTHERFUCKER

GO TO HELL KAREN

SNEEZE NORMAL

FUCK

[crythemillennial]

I'm pretty sure when you said

"I like your beaver hat"

You meant something disgusting

But it was more confusing than anything

So thanks I guess? 

[crythemillennial]

The City Is Beautiful This Time of Year

"The city is beautiful this time of year," said

The Man Who Always Confused the "Beautiful" with "Actual Frozen Peckered Butthole of Satan"

[crythemillennial]

One could 

Ascend unto the astral plane

Gain enlightenment

Cleansed of thought

Or

One could

Close the elevator door on a businessman

And feel quite the same

[crythemillennial]

Lo, Lucifer rears his head

The smell of sulfur stings the air

Evil has finally chosen its corporeal state

In the form of

Whenever someone says the word "FroYo"

[crythemillennial]

Two different acquaintances of yours from high school

Got married today

While you watched "Yentl" one and a half times

I'm not sayin'

But I'm just sayin'

[crythemillennial]

Oh, you want to go for coffee?

Excuse my surprise

See, in my imagination, we've been married for six years already

So I'm a bit caught off guard