Mar 5
i very much fear that one day i am going to wake up to a text from someone who’s found csam of me on twitter or a reddit or wherever the hell else
#i have no knowledge of where those videos are#i think of them often#best case scenario? there is a mobile phone full of my csam in a garbage dump somewhere#because i’m unsure if she would have kept that#the likelier reality: the dozens of men who paid for it possess it still and have had ten years to share it wherever they like#i get ill imagining the scope#it’s hard enough wondering if i’m going to pass one of them by on the street one day#but the knowledge that those men and more most certainly still have those videos is just stomach churning#i don’t know if they’ve ever been posted anywhere. there’s really no way of finding out#i fear the chances are not all that slim that it may have reached the internet at least one time#i try to plan out what i would do but i don’t think i would do anything#even after spending five years trying to swallow the magnitude of what really happened to me#i don’t think i’d have the strength to do anything about it#it’s an unpleasant feeling. but i have never been empowered. i doubt i ever will.#anyways.txt#rape.#csa.
