I wonder how the Rutherford family reacted when Cullen finally walked up their doorsteps after nearly 2 decades. The last time they saw him, he was a bright-eyed young boy, eager to become a knight.
Yet in front of them is an older man, eyes heavy, hands and face scarred, smelling entirely different from the rest of them. How he moves- careful, steady, even cautious.
It's not the same home- that had been destroyed with the Blight -but shouldn't he feel comfortable with his family?
The way he talks is different as well, not entirely Fereldan anymore as his words reflect the places and people he has been with. At first, they jested about the Kirkwall drone or the Nevarran pitch, but it becomes less of a joke and more of a realization when they hear him curse in Elven.
Yes, he still treats them like family, but his words feel guarded, uniform, and militaristic. They try to joke and make him laugh, but the most they get out of him is a soft smile that doesn't reach his eyes.
They love him, they really do. Years upon years of no contact, only a handful of letters that could barely be considered a stack, but still treasured. He is their brother, their family and no one can say otherwise.
But, something inside them finally concedes that they know nothing about Cullen Stanton Rutherford.
He is a silhouette of the past they thought they knew.
*sips hard liquor from a “World’s Best Fandom” coffee mug*
Yes, you got it right, this is happening. Get comfortable there, in today’s episode we’re going to bust one of the most popular myths among cullenmancers of all time:
“Cullen can't be a virgin in DAI because he's hot, confident and 30”.
First of all, I’d like to point out that I’m very reluctant to the notorious image of DAI Cullen as a "chantry boy", which basically means the face of DAI Cullen slapped on the DAO Alistair character. As ironic as it may seem the main accomplishment of forcing this image was a creation of strong belief within the fandom that the virgin!cullen headcanon is something utterly AU-ish, existing only in the minds of those who’re into virginity kink. I’m going to give you another perspective on this popular viewpoint.
The most common argument in defense of nonvirgin!cullen position sounds like:
“Cullen doesn’t act like a virgin in DAI”
I have two problems with this statement. First one is that this argument traditionally comes along with a comparison between DAI Cullen and DAO Alistair. The logical structure looks like: “Alistair was an awkward virgin in DAO. Cullen’s behavior in DAI is nothing alike. Therefore Cullen is not a virgin in DAI”. The mistake here is that Alistair’s behavior in DAO doesn’t define the behavior of every virgin in the world, not mentioning the fact that comparison between DAO Alistair and DAI Cullen is completely inappropriate. Don’t you think that it’s a little bit strange to expect the exact same behavior from a young and innocent boy and adult worn and torn guy just because both of them don’t have sexual experience?
The second problem I have is getting the “doesn’t act like a virgin” part. It sounds almost like there's some unified pattern of virgins' behavior when obviously there's none. The stereotype of a shy awkward virgin, incapable of saying two words without stuttering, is a powerful one but it is still a stereotype. Very blunt too, so it’s really surprising for me to see how many people are eager to fall for it. And just like any other stereotype, this one cannot be applied to everyone and certainly not to Cullen as a matter of fact. Cullen does act confident in DAI and the main reason for it is that he is mature first and foremost.
The lack of experience in sex alone doesn't nullify the general maturity.
I really don't know how to stress this enough. This is arguably the most bugging thing about the whole (non)virgin!cullen drama for me and the very reason why I decided to create this post. Cullen is confident because he's a mature, grown-ass man who's gone through ugly shit more than once and survived. He won't act like Alistair even if he is a virgin. It just doesn't work like this, okay? He's a mature adult, Alistair is a young innocent boy. And it has nothing to do with sexual experience. The concept of maturity is a little more complex than just the fact of having or not having sex in life. It's possible to be an irresponsible child with rich sexual life and a fully responsible adult without any sexual experience at all.
Lack of sexual experience is not equal innocence and Cullen is by no means innocent.
He's seen some shit, he's done some shit. Cullen has stable, fully developed personality, he mastered himself and earned his maturity hard way and that's exactly where his confidence comes from. Lack or existence of sex in his life is completely irrelevant for it.
Just to be perfectly clear: Cullen's confidence comes from his maturity, but his maturity doesn't come from lack or existence of sexual experience in his life.
Now when we cleared this up let’s figure out why virgin!cullen headcanon is at least equal to nonvirgin!cullen and why you don’t have to be an adept of “virginity cult” to embrace it.
The main reason why Cullen can be a virgin in DAI lies in his tremendously traumatized background.
@aurianavaloria has a wonderful lore-friendly character research on the matter, so I strongly recommend to read it to be able to get the whole picture.
I have a serious problem with how lightly fandom treats serious topics such as PTSD and mental trauma in Cullen's biography. I've seen way too many people among both fans and haters who either ignore the Kinloch incident completely or perceive it like some small unfortunate event while it was actually a milestone in Cullen's personality formation. Just think about it - young innocent pup who'd never seen abominations or even death before had gone through horrific shit: loads of gruesome deaths of friends and people he was supposed to protect, severe mental and physical tortures and possibly even rape. And right after that instead of long and proper treatment, he got straight into hands of charismatic zealot who gave him some sort of crooked sympathy, nurturing his fears and hatred.
This kind of trauma is not something that can be overcome fast and easily and it certainly had a major impact on Cullen's personality development.
I’ve seen more than once the argument that:
“10 years is a long period of time, long enough to get over with PTSD. I can’t believe he didn’t have any action during that time, not necessarily something serious, but you know, just regular banging”.
Well, let me tell you one thing – one of the worst aspects of having PTSD is that side effects linger for a ridiculously long time, some never go away even if the person recovering in peace, surrounded by family and loved ones. Cullen didn’t have the luxury of recovering, he was forced to face his fears on the regular basis. The only thing that kept him sane was faith, in Maker and in the Order, represented by ‘”supportive” Knight-Commander. To think, his relationship with Meredith was a true deal with the devil. She showed him some kind of sympathy as she had the similar experience in her lifetime, and, what’s more important, showed him that there’s another path to prevent any further pain. The proper treatment he truly needed after events of the Broken Circle was replaced by the false purpose, based on fear and fanatical devotion to the duty and the Order. It did work but in a rather distorted way. Cullen’s recovery was like an improperly healed leg bone – painful, unstable, with lingering side effects, but at least he still could have been able to stand. And that’s exactly why I find it difficult to blame him for the notorious “magesarenotpeople” drama. It’s way too easy to brand him a villain in DAII, however, all I see there is a young broken person, clinging for the shards of sanity and trying to find the strength to go on after the severe trauma wherever he can, even in the blind zealotry. Was it a wrong way to go? Absolutely. Do I have a moral right to blame him for it? Not even close.
So, long story short, 10 years totally may be not long enough to overcome PTSD, especially under the circumstances of constant stress and fear. The things are even more complicated if there was a sexual assault of any form during the Broken Circle. Sex and PTSD is a whole different topic for another day, let’s just say that impacts of a mental trauma can make sexual life really tricky. That makes the “regular banging” part quite dubious, not mentioning that casual sex is not for everyone to begin with. Some people do it lightly, some people don’t do it at all, either way is absolutely normal for any gender. Whether Cullen is the “regular banging” type or not and how badly PTSD affected his post-Fereldan sexual life is up to one’s headcanons. Personally, I’ve seen no evidence during the series that allow to affirm that Cullen divides concepts “sex” and “sex in the relationship”. The main problem for me is that one needs to treat casual sex lightly to perform it, and Cullen’s attitude towards pretty much everything is anything but light. Almost everyone who ever speaks of him during the game mentions at some point that he’s very serious, if not uptight. Hell, even Quis herself can tell him during the wedding cutscene “Always so serious”. This image doesn’t really get along well with the concept of casual fucking in my mind. But this is just my take on the character anyway.
Of course, all of this above doesn't prove that Cullen is necessarily a virgin in the Inquisition but it does prove that he has every reason to be one. According to WOT Cullen's attitude during Kirkwall period was cold towards both mages and templars, he didn't want to let anyone in and had a damn good reason for it.
There's a very high possibility that Cullen could have chosen to close himself from any kind of close social interactions (sexual ones like casual banging included) to prevent any further pain after traumatic events of the past and there's nothing strange or wrong about that.
For the record, I do recognize the power of headcanons and totally respect them. I have zero problems with the fact that some people don’t see Cullen as a virgin in DAI. That’s how headcanons work and I’m more than cool with it. What gives me cringe however is the fact that some people claim that Cullen can’t be a virgin in DAI just because it’s not “normal” for a 30 yo handsome man to be one. This is arguably the most toxic argument in defense of nonvirgin!cullen position ever. I won’t torment you with off-topic *virginity is a social concept* rant, instead of that I’ll just say that the modern world's concept of a 'normal guy' may not work in Thedas. I strongly doubt that the social pattern of a "normal man" who should lose his virginity in between his early teens and mid-20s is fully acceptable for Thedas. The society with the ultimate power of the religious organization is very likely to be less reluctant to the idea of adult virginity than the modern one. Chantry is presumed to have its members, templars included, virtuous. It's not required, yes, templars can marry and sex is not totally tabooed for people who serve the Chantry but apparently, physical temperance is a thing for andrastian religion (remember Alistair's memories of his Templar days or Sebastian's celibacy) and not considered as a deviation. My general point here is that meeting an adult virgin man in Thedas is more frequent occurrence and more acceptable social concept than it is in the modern world.
Speaking of Cullen in particular, the man can be a virgin in DAI because of his traumatized background, PTSD, and following lifestyle choices. Considering all that, you can see that the virgin!cullen headcanon has a bit more solid backup than just “cult of virginity” or “first-time-big-deal kink” and that’s exactly what makes the whole thing totally plausible. And yes, it is plausible.
The writer deliberately left the virgin/nonvirgin thing ambiguous and did a pretty good job with that I dare say. Every romance related scene with Cullen can be read either way. There’s not a single scene in the game that can categorically prove that Cullen is/isn’t a virgin.
O RLY? :
“Cullen laughed at Bull's dick joke - HALF-LIFE 3 NONVIRGINITY CONFIRMED”
Um, no? The only thing confirmed in this scene is that Cullen finds the joke amusing and that he actually has a sense of humor hidden deep underneath his usual polite cold attitude. Let's just assume he is a virgin in this scene. So why wouldn't he laugh? Because he's not able to get sexual context without actual experience? I don't think it works that way, getting jokes is about intelligence and sense of humor, you don't need to have the exact same experience mentioned in the joke to find it funny. Besides, look at Cullen's attitude in this scene again, it's not all that confident "good one, bro". He definitely feels uncomfortable, even more uncomfortable than Josie a.k.a. Ultimate Disney Princess, so this scene definitely doesn't seem like a solid proof of Cullen's sexual experience existence.
Yeah, that’s all good, BUT :
“He said that there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of fun – it proves that he is experienced!”
Once again, Cullen is an adult in Inquisition. He is aware of sexual intercourse existence and won’t faint or something just because he witnessed its aftermath. If he is still a virgin it’s not because he’s a prude or reluctant to the very idea of sex, but because of deep personal problems, caused by traumatic past. “Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun” can be a simple display of “live and let live” principle. For example, an asexual person can tell you “doing hardcore sex is totally ok if you’re happy with it”. Same idea here.
Bitch, please:
"Two words: Desk. Sex. Alistair is inexperienced. Cullen’s got moves. Fight me" “It’s not something a virgin would do” ”This is not the action of a virgin” “DESK SCENE”
Ok, we finally made it to the juiciest part of this episode. What could I possibly say against the almighty Desk Scene, the bastion of Commander’s Sexual Experience? Well, wonder no more – the answer is “conversation before it”. The paradox is – if Cullen’s pre-sex conversation would have been identical to Alistair’s I’d agree with y’all – the man is by no means a virgin. The guy tells the woman he loves how much he cares and asks her to spend a night with him here and now. After she says “yes” the guy fucks her mindlessly on the table. Very hot and yep, there’s definitely some experience right there. But it’s not what happened at all. Just rewatch the scene once again.
*video captured by Geek Remix
You do see the difference, right? He’s not asking to spend a night with him, he’s asking to spend a life with him.
He’s really tensed and frustrated all along, hesitating to ask the woman he loves to share a future with him because it seems «too much to ask». It’s a real commitment for him – to open up to someone first time in a very long time. He feels extremely vulnerable at this point and probably makes one of the hardest personal choices ever. He’s not even sure how to formulate his question because he’s afraid that he’s asking too much of her. And then she simply turns him towards her with the gentle “Cullen, do you need to ask?” as if she’s already made the decision he found difficult even to express.
Do you see how important for him this scene is? It’s not just “I totally want you here and now” moment, it’s “I totally love you and want you here and now” moment. The scene is hands down hot, but there’s so much more in it than just a simple steamy moment between two lovers. In fact, the sex itself is secondary in this scene, it’s more about feelings, acceptance and trust. What’s happening here is the guy who doesn’t consider himself as a good person asking the woman he deeply cares about to accept him with all his shit he’s constantly kicking himself for and become the part of his life. And she does. Unconditionally. The significance of this conversation for Cullen is so much greater than just “we’ll bang, ok?”, it means the end of the whole phase of his life, it means that he actually managed to get over with bitterness and chosen solitude after Kinloch, it means that he finally got a chance to live for himself with the person he loves by his side.
Mention that he didn’t start to rip her clothes off right after this realization, he’s still somewhat hesitant, the fists are clenched,“I suppose not. I want-”. Notice this little concerned pause after Quis knocks the bottle off his desk and then this one big “Fuck it” moment happens. Like all the pieces are suddenly fit - he trusts her, he loves her, he wants her, so no more doubts. The following *sweeping shit off the desk and expressing overwhelming feelings on top of the closest available surface* episode is an act of pure passion, fueled by strong feelings, that kind of passion when nothing except the person you truly want at this very moment matters, neither place nor past sexual experiences. And that’s why it’s completely irrelevant whether Cullen was a virgin prior to this scene or not.
official memo: cullen may have a strong brow and a square jaw, but his face is round and his features are soft and kinda youthful, especially that precious button nose
Cullen in DAO sometimes gets stuck between presenting the perfect victim or a heinous villain when he isn't either.
No victim is perfect. How everyone deals with trauma is different but a majority is going to be ugly. There is no appeasing the masses, it's vicious and many times detrimental.
That is what Cullen was. He lashed out, fueled on anger and fear. It's understandable, but at the same time, it can still be inexcusable.
When I point out him being treated as the perfect victim, I don't just mean his representation of being a victim, I also mean excusing his words and actions as perfect responses. That the call for Annulment is a justified response.
It is not.
Both things can be true- Cullen is a victim, and he can be wrong. The abuse Cullen went through goes far beyond what we are seen and told. It is not a surprise he came out of it with delirium and mania. He is afraid, and he acts on fear- yet he can still be horribly wrong for calling for Annulment.
Victims can do bad things. Annulment is for the full-on massacure of the mages- many who are also victims to the same blood mages and demons. To call forth a death sentence to people who have lived their life in a cage- doomed to whatever outcome.
But here's the thing in which a few people tend to mistake about my own analysis of Cullen- I do not think it's out of character for him to call for it. Cullen was a young templar who suffered under the hands of blood mages and demons. All he knows is that fact.
I am not surprised he called for the Annulment. I don't blame him in that I see why someone would call for such a heinous rite. Yet I can still see he is wrong, that he shouldn't have demanded it in the first place.
I definitely understand the need to be defensive of his actions in part of how certain people like to villanize Cullen. But I think Cullen is a more interesting character when you are open to both loving and criticizing his character in the overall DA narrative.
God is there so much to chew on this. Like how did the rumor start? Who did Cullen tell because its clear it came from his mouth. Why did he share it as well? We know he entered the Gallows with fear in his heart. Heck, he got transfer in part because he became too strict and almost dangerous.
Yet here we have rumors of his crush going around. Did he have a lapse in judgement and shared? Maybe Samson because they were close?
I love the bit where its unclear why Cullen felt pain about the rumor. Like this is what? A year or two after Broken Circle, I imagine?
But here is a question, who is writing this? I know the Codex are not 100% intended to have a writer but the way this is framed makes me question who is the intended audience.
"Of all things" This phrase is presented more like an opinion than a statement. And opinions are made by a person with a bias. I really think this is an instance of a Codex written in the perspective of the Order, to essentially vilify the notion of a Templar even thinking of a mage in such a light.
We know that the Order makes sure all 'fraternization' between Templar and Mage is beaten out of everyone. They break them young and punish them cruelly.
For Meredith to want to crush that rumor, to prevent the notion that even the second in command- the man who troubled even Greagoir -could potentially have feelings for mages. That it meant anyone can be susceptible to such feelings, that the Templars are not a unifying force that can be the wall against magic.
Solas: Cullen, how invigorating it must feel to fall from such heights to now a foot soldier. Or is it not so different from when you were at Meredith's whims?
Cullen: What I did was all to protect the people of Kirkwall
Solas: Ah yes, I forgot 'mages are not people and should not be treated as such.' You truly are the people's protector
Varric: When I gave you that copy, Chuckles, I didn't imagine you'd use it for...this...
Cullen: I do not need my words used against me. I know my faults and I am trying to amend it
Solas: That remains to be seen.
-------
Varric: Curly you-
Cullen: Maker, stop calling me that!
Varric: Come on Curly, you don’t have to get all uptight. It's not like the Order is still sticking a lyrium stick up your ass anymore.
Bull: Actually, why do you call him that?
Varric: You think that blonde hair gets nice and smooth like that naturally?
Cullen: What are you-
Bull: Well, I'm not exactly a judge of hair.
Varric: Ah, right, bald.
-------
Bull: So why not Blonde?
Cullen: For the love of- are you both still on about that?
Blackwall: Cullen, I've noticed you've been switching over to a greatsword?
Cullen: Yes, I've been so used to using shield since Kirkwall that I fear I may have forgotten how to use anything but.
Blackwall: Well it's clear you have. Swing that sword around like that again and you'll be lobbing my head off.
Cullen: I- sorry. Maybe I should just *sighs*
Blackwall: Maker's balls, if it's that important, I can give you a few pointers.
-------
Cullen: *sighs* Yes, Vivienne?
Vivienne: Of all places to be, why did you ever think to choose to be here?
Cullen: What are you going on about?
Vivienne: My dear, the Inquisition. With your exhaustive experience, you should have been our military advisor. And yet here you are, on the front lines with us. Knight Captain, what has become of you.
Cullen: I am no longer Knight Captain nor am I a Templar. I have made it clear I am no longer bound to the Order because I believe in the good the Inquisition can accomplish. Do you disagree?
Vivienne: Hm, very much so. You abandoned such a position, for this?
Cullen: Are you not stepping on the same dirt as I am?
Vivienne: Please, do you think I have not enchanted my own boots. What do you take me for?
Cullen: *scoffed* Of course.
Vivienne: If you truly wanted to do good, you should have stayed in Kirkwall as Knight Captain. You had every resource to reverse the damage former Knight Commander did, to reign back in the apostates and templars that have run amok there. To lead by example. Yet here you are. Oh but what do I know, my dear. I am not a person, if I am recalling that correctly?
Cullen: Maker's breath, you are the last person I would have thought to have read the damn book.
I know I haven't touched Companion!Cullen for a long bit, mostly cause I've been thinking about my own Cullavellan and tackling his redemption in their story but I do want to comeback to it, especially now.
So heres a small tidbit of what I eventually want to tackle: Companion!Cullen romance.
I know it's a small point of contention, whether Cullen should have had a romance or not, with all there considering his lyrium addiction and his PTSD. I am on the side that a romance is possible, but to have a satisfying and redemptive end for Cullen, it would require some leg work for that romance that we just aren't provided in game.
So, in order to mitigate this, I propose that in Companion!Cullen's romance is similar to a secret romance that is only accessible by very specific and pro mage means.
For starters, I do not think him being a romance while still being pro Circle or pro Templar is healthy, if anything, it may even be a detriment to his growth. Cullen is a man who needs to be challenged to fully change. I'm not saying that he couldn't change to be better on his own. He definitely has the ability to. However, we are looking for full redemptive Cullen in the DAI narrative. How does this work with Companion!Cullen specifically?
Approval system. Or rather, something similar to the rivalry system.
I think in order to access Cullen's redemption and subsequent romance, you have to challenge him, gain disapproval. There would be prompts that involve choosing pro mage choices, conversation prompts with Cullen that challenge and maybe accuse him of the things that happened in Kirkwall. This becomes the precursor to Cullen's deprogramming. If you keep gaining approval and do not challenge him, this only just leads to Cullen on the path of feeling justified by his pro Circle sentiments. He will still sympathize with the mages/apostates and will lament and regret how he acted but he will still remain adamant that the Templars are necessary or, at the very least, a justification.
Continuous disapproval will lead to specific scenes, depending on choices, that allow you to get Cullen to open up and discuss what happened in Kinhold and Kirkwall. There may some flirt lines but nothing that would seem like you forgive him but reach an understanding. Eventually, you gain approval with Cullen from these scenes as it becomes reflective that 1. He is changing, 2. He appreciates that you are challenging and not just excusing his actions because that is who Cullen is. He is a man who knew he did wrong and does not want to be easily forgiven.
Anyways, this is what I have so far but I'll eventually write more. Feel free to let me know what you think!
You cannot tell me Cullen doesn't lose faith in religion especially in the events of DAI. Like yes, he complete disavow the Chantry after they refused to help Kirkwall at its time of need. How they probably exasperated the issue by vilifying the Kirkwall mages when Cullen has seen the truth, that these mages are being hunted down for sport even.
We have seen the way he talks to the Chancellor, how he was so eager to see the Inquisition act when the Chantry has failed. Thats the crux of why he left the Order, because the faith he had in the institution has broken. Which is why he still holds Templars to a high regard, because he sees the Chantry as the force that is turning the Order into something he didn't want to become ((althought we know the Order was already like that with or without the Chantry's help but thats a discussion for another day))
Everything he does is for the Inquisition, for the people. Even when it comes to the Inquisitor, the way he calls them the Herald or anything to do with their possible divinity, he almost sounds doubtful. Not because he doesn't believe in them, but he doesn't really believe in the religion that so tries to claim Inquisitor.
The scene where he is praying at the altar, Inquisitor can state that they have met a real god or something similar, challenging Cullen's faith. And the way Cullen talks back, its almost resigned, as if he knows Inquisitor is right, but needs at least this moment to pray and hope for something. Hope someone is listening
To find comfort in the words that seem to ring as lies
