Sep 7, 2024
another one thank you
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another one thank you
sweatstrogen -> buppy44
*writes a fic for a character i've been hyperfixated on*
*fic wracks up some notes*
*drops of the face of the earth for another week*
considers thinking about dbh again
remembers portion of the fandom that loves gavin bitchass reed
gets mad
doesn’t think abt dbh anymore
//
I hate that theres no in between of talking on the phone to hospitalization for getting quick help with health needs.
I'm at a place mental health wise where talking on the phone isn't enough because what I need is my meds and a decent meal with water that doesn't taste like metal. I need help cleaning my house because it's all stacked up. I need a plan on how I'm going to pay rent next month when job searching has lead me no where and the wait for financial help is too long.
Same when I get the flu and I'm too sick to fully take care of myself but not sick enough to go to the ER. Sick to where I don't feel safe driving to the nearest immediate care place. Sick where a clean environment and decent meals would help but I don't have the energy to do that.
Instead I struggle and it takes much longer than it should to get better. Or it gets to the point where the issue is bigger than it should've been. Seeing as how these two often go hand in hand it fucking sucks.
My body is conspiring against me. I'm getting the WORST of both worlds. I'm constantly stressed about work, but I'm also super excited and motivated because of Minecraft RP.
So I sleep wonky, I get a bunch of stress dreams, but I can't go back to bed if I wake up past 5am because I'm too excited to DO THINGS.
And I can barely feed myself. I have to run down a list of all the food we have in the house until I land on one that doesn't make me feel like throwing up!!! Literally debating right now not eating anything for lunch because I just feel so nauseous.
adhd is annoying it's 3 am i've been procrastinating showering for 3 hours 😐