#cyncism

[scottneelan]

Watching As You Walk Away

Watching As You Walk Away

Watching as you walk away (like I haven’t been here before) Standing still not sure what to say or do Reach out Fall down Give up Is there any difference now? How can I change your mind? How can I convince you to slow down turn around maybe even listen? I can’t, I know I’ve tried it all before So instead I’ll save the time the pain the wasted effort and let you walk away just like all the rest……

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[fuegomellark]

does anyone have any ideas on what i should do with my life and how i should make money without working a minimum wage job for the rest of eternity? my undergrad isn’t getting me anywhere but into debt. and none of my interests are bankable. so, im thinking i could mooch off my parents till im 40 and play the sympathy card with my brother for a few years after, or you know hopefully use my sex appeal to marry some rich misogynist looking for a trophy wife with perky tits before i hit 30. So gold digging? Gold digging anyone?

[danielewithonel]

a wheel of brie

being a cynic makes one realize what a liar one is.

the role is a projection of this hard exterior when really I know deep down that I am nothing but a wheel of brie, so so so ooey-gooey and barely held together by the thinnest of skins.  

being a cynic projects a stance, it implies that i encounter the objects of my critique with disgust, that i see through their shams, that i do not believe in them or what they represent,  

but it’s not true. i encounter all these objects with love. i believe in them so deeply, i am overflowing with belief. my belief is compulsive, it overwhelms the boundaries of my judgement and good taste,  

and it is this belief i am ashamed of. this shame triggers my cynicism and compels the erection of whole structures* to channel my love and enthusiasm through which simultaneously conceal its true nature.

a friend likened me to a friend of theirs in London who has a blog called "feeling gooey" and it reminded me that i wrote this a while back. 

*for example: stupid, superfluous degrees, record collections, or largely- unnecessary technical prowess at things like, say, drumming, wonk-wonk.

[adanceforrain]

Peel off the layers

Back when I was a kid my family used to love going to Santa Monica Pier and meander through the bustling crowds and talented street performers. Even though there were countless incredible street acts throughout the years, there was only one evening that distinctly stuck with me to this day. 

The evening started out no differently than the rest: with us eating a handheld dinner while snaking our way through one talented street performer to the next. But as my sister and I followed our parents, I noticed my mom fall out of line and into a sandwich shop. She comes out with this meaty looking sandwich, and before I could even ask who's it for (assuming me), she walks past us all and hands it to a homeless man on the street with a sign that says "Hungry. Anything helps."

At the time my young-self couldn't understand why she would do such a thing. Why was he homeless? And why does my mom think he deserves a sandwich she bought with her money??? He must've been lazy or failed somewhere in life, but regardless of the reason, surely it was their and only their individual fault for being in that predicament. Or at least, that's what I said to myself. I wanted to justify my strange desire to not care, to not feel any sense of guilt, to not sympathize with that individual's plight. 

For years I kept this mentality. It was easy: if I were ever around homeless people, all I had to do was not think about or look at them, ESPECIALLY not in their eyes 'cause god forbid doing that humanized them. Distancing my own identity from them as far as I possibly could (physically, mentally, emotionally) made it so much easier to justify why they deserved where they are and how little they had even though I knew absolutely nothing about them or their background outside of being homeless. This emotion-subduing mechanism absolved me from having any sense of moral responsibility to help or even feel the slightest bit of guilt or unease. And it wasn't just with the homeless but with anyone significantly less fortunate than me. 

In retrospect I know now that the uncomfortable feeling that I tried so hard to suppress was my own conscious knocking and telling me to do something, anything to help - even something as simple as giving eye contact and acknowledging that they exist, that they are more than just street trash, that they are human.  And when I really think about it, I find my young-self's mentality absolutely as fascinating as I do horrifying: how simple and easy it was for me to justify not caring for those less fortunate than me simply because of my selfish motives, of not wanting to feel a sense of guilt or unease. And also how amazingly easy it was for me to forget all of my privileges that allowed me to be where and who I was.

I was too myopic at the time. I couldn't possibly understand what my mother was trying to accomplish. Why help those less fortunate than you? What did they do to deserve it? To deserve our help? Our sympathy? But these questions completely missed the point: we help because we are social creatures and we thrive best when society thrives along with us. 

As a society, we should feel bad when we see someone less fortunate than us, we should feel propelled to help when we can, and we should embrace this impulse 'cause that's what makes us human. I refuse to believe human nature is inherently selfish and apathetic 'cause society wouldn't have progressed as far as it has otherwise (I mean have you seen how physically unimpressive we are compared to other species? We didn't progress to be top dog in the animal kingdom out of brute strength but out of our intelligence and innate desire to work together, to help one another progress). So to me, it's clear that empathy and sympathy is inherent in all of us, but we learn somewhere down the line to suppress much of it.  But when we believe the former, that we are inherently sociopathic (read: greedy, selfish, violent), this notion is not only cynical but provides a lazy excuse for us as a society to not help one another, to not bring each other up and rise collectively. 

And I'll be honest, I blame a lot of it on our current culture that revolves around this mindless consumerism, on this need to worship superficial things, superficial values, and superficial people. We idolize those with a ton of money but not those with the greatest beneficial societal impact. We judge someone by how nice their shoes, clothes, cars, and house is as opposed to their moral character and intelligence. We worship how many zeros are at the end of someone's paycheck as opposed to what their job actually does. We care more about a bargain sale than living sustainably and within our means. And a result of all this, of worshiping profit over people, is an enhancement of corporate greed, political corruption, snake oil products, crime, and a society that doesn't realize its potential to be so much more. 

And I can't help but wonder when did society devolve into this? When did I become like this? 

Cynicism suddenly becomes so much more appealing once you peel off the layers and see just how tangled and deeply rooted the world's problems are. But despite it all, despite how shitty and ugly much of it is, I think about the countless historical events that brought a group of individuals together in a working collective effort to conquer seemingly incredible odds. I think about the polio vaccine, the evolution of the sewage system, the up-and-coming technology in environmental engineering, the major movements for social justice, the incredible accomplishments of any space administration, the creation of calculus and Einsteinian physics - and I also think about my mother, her boundless sympathy for those less fortunate than her. And all of it fills me to the brim with hope.

As shitty as the world is, when we work together, when we shift from a "me" (read: profit) point of view to a societal one, when we are open to ideas and paradigm shifts, when we stop being so cynical and start believing substantial change for the better can happen, then I believe even the toughest of our world's issues will topple in our collective effort. 

“Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind.” —  Henry Miller 

“If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you to contribute to making a better world. That's your choice.”—  Noam Chomsky, The Chronicles of Dissent 

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." — Gandhi

[thebrunettesaladd]

You make me want to not be cynical.

Myself

[nowbreakitdown]

Helping the Needy: Hope vs. Cynicism in NYC

I was on the E train this morning when a tall energetic man in a navy blue logo tshirt with a roller cooler stepped on, looked at the needy man sleeping across from me, and loudly spoke (waking him) "Hey Papi, how you doin today? Hungry? Here, I got something for ya" and took a homemade sandwich, bag of chips, and a Capri Sun out of his packed cooler and handed it all to him. Papi immediately broke into the ziploc to eat the sandwich. The man gave a speech as the train began to move that all the food he had right then was completely free, if anyone else was hungry, to please have some of it, and if anyone had even pennies to donate, it would be great help.

It was a total scam. Charities aren't allowed to solicit donations on subways. Even if the organization his shirt is from is real, he was abusing the affiliation to collect money for himself. New York, where no good deed is ever entirely good. (the spectral opposite of San Francisco in this way) Yet another thing NYers put up with - opting not to support what appears to be a *good, honest thing*, feeling like it definitely probably isn't, and thickening their skin to the guilt that it might have been. It's just easier to assume nothing is good and honest, and live with that cynicism. Or donate to a formal organization and hope your money doesn't fund a company vehicle or something else you don't intend. You can be hopeful or cynical about it, the latter hurts you less in your day to day (I'm nobody's fool) but potentially hurts the needy (still hungry/poor/addicted). The hopefulness potentially hurts YOU more (wait, that charity isn't even real-what the hell???), but the needy less (not a bad day today, got a clean sandwich for free). I consider myself an enthusiastic cynic, and I'm kind of blurry about how I feel on this kind of thing. So I gave the guy one suspicious dollar, because he did just (regardless of motive) hand a homeless man a sandwich in front of me, and that alone (the effort) is worth a dollar to him from me. Thanks for that, even though you might be kind of a bastard. Today that's how I reconcile my doubts with my hope. Play it like the lottery. I don't want to, but I think I need to work on thickening my skin if I want to avoid being taken advantage of, at least while I'm living here. (And I had just thinned it last summer in SF where I was proved time and time again people can be and often are good in that city). Is it still being "taken" advantage of if you acknowledge the risk? Maybe that's "giving" advantage? 

[theseaofdoubt]

“it gets better!!!!!!!” NEWSFLASH: sometimes it fucking doesn't

[sicksadandcynical]

Angry.

Sometimes I just get really angry. I can feel it radiating in the center of my torso, I think it's supposed to be my stomach but it feels deeper than that, like it's in the core of my soul. I mean, I know I have a soul because it flares up in anger and rage every time I think about the fact that I am not going to make it. You are not going to make it. It infuriates me that we wake up every day to a losing battle. I love my humanity but i resent my mortality. I cannot begin to express my seething fury when somebody dies. It isn't sad to me, it's just cause for more anger. Every time someone dies, all I can think, "Fuck, we've lost another one. We've lost one of our own. Again" And then we push on, and try to keep complacent. Ignoring the fact that something will kill us one day. Something. And all we can do is wait and distract ourselves until that moment comes. But the living stay and watch their soldiers die. And the circle continues. As it always has, and will. And that makes me angry. So, so, angry.