Please tell me you have ideas for what the modern versions of the rest of the Greek Pantheon would look like (and that you'd be willing to share them).
So only for like half of them (I just, do not have thoughts about Poseidon, sorry), and none of these are exactly original (and are all probably overly meanspirited), but for the ones I do-
Zeus - Honestly just want to say 'literally Berlusconi' but that's not that interesting is it?
Hades - Trad-masculinity influencer. Not even as a grift, he owns a mining company or something, he just has a lot of advice to offer young men about dating and how to make women commit.
Apollo - Yeah this one's just going to have to be 'med school golden boy sex pest/future #metoo scandal wherever he gets hired'
Artemis - Has significantly more dogs than human friendships. Takes probably excessive pride in hunting her own meat. Shared a lot of 'humanity are the real virus' memes during lockdown, and still hasn't gotten vaxed because big pharma. Probably not online enough to be an actual terf but like, the spirit's there.
Hermes - Thoughtleading Thinkfluencer tweeted and instagramed and youtubed and substacked his way into relevance despite zero expertise in anything except brand-building and now he's got a podcast with a six-digit subscriber count. Actually very funny, but has definitely dunked on numerous people with his million-follower twitter account and basically ruined their lives.
Aphordite - okay this one's just obvious. Beauty vlogger and tiktok star and the picture next to 'toxic femininity' in the dictionary. #girldinner #girlmath #coquette etc. Directly responsible for at least a dozen eating disorders.
Ares - from everything my friend whose really into it has ever said, he would 100% be an MMA guy, or at least a former one. Like, Joe Rogan wannabe except with none of the chill or comedy and significantly more macho bragging about fucked up stuff he's done. Most likely to get high at a party and commit a hate crime.