pairing: dad!jake x fem!oc x teenage!son
warnings: angst, self harm, scars, talk of depression, this chapter reads extremely heavy and can be very triggering to some, please read with caution. established relationship. lower-case intended. i read through this a few times so there shouldn't be any typos, but if there is, i'll go through in a few days and fix them, i can't read this anymore at the moment, lowkey triggering myself lol.
suggestion: would recommend listening to the song home ll by dotan, as that’s what i listened to when i wrote this. really beautiful song.
summary: noticing teddy acting a little weird, you ask jake to talk to him. it's worse then you and jake ever thought.
"hey bud, wanna go to 7-eleven with me?" jake asks his second oldest, leaning against the doorframe of his room.
the boy looks up from his chair, glancing to the clock that read 1:14 am before looking back to jake. "this late?"
jake smiles. "it's saturday, why not? like old times?"
theodore remains silent for a few moments, contemplating. "sure, i guess."
he slips on a random hoodie before meeting his dad at the front door.
"ready to go?" jake asks.
the young boy nods, stepping outside into the crisp night air.
the drive to 7-eleven is quick, considering it's right down the road.
the two step out of the truck, and enter the brightly lit convenience store, theodore headed to the slurpee machine, jake to the decaf coffee.
theodore gets his usual flavors, blue raspberry and cherry, and him and jake meet up at the counter.
jake pays, thanking the cashier, and they leave.
"hey, come sit with me for a sec." jake sits down on the curb, patting the space next to him.
theodore sits next to his dad on the curb.
the two sit in silence for a few minutes.
"you okay, buddy? you seem a lil' down recently." jake breaks the silence, speaking softly.
theodore shrugs. "school i guess."
"ya know, the SAT, college apps, that stuff. stress."
"okay." jake nods at his sons words. "any way i can help?"
"grandpa has been saying i should apply to USNA, like cooper."
jake is taken aback. he wasn't even aware that theodore and his father were talking. "i didn't know you two were talking."
theodore shrugs. "he's been calling me a few times. keeps asking how my application is going."
jake's jaw clenches. of course, the few times his father would reach out to his grandson, would be to pressure him into joining the naval academy.
"ignore whatever he is telling you, teddy." jake says, a bitter taste in his mouth.
"would you be mad at me, if i didn't join the navy?"
jake shakes his head. "of course not, son, you know that. all i want is for you to be happy, i'll support whatever you decide."
theodore sets his slurpee down next to him. "i'm not happy."
jake frowns. "what's goin on, buddy? you can talk to me, i promise i won't judge."
lifting up his arms, he rolls his sleeves up, revealing uneven scars, band-aids covering his left wrist.
"i think something's wrong with me, dad."
jake looks away from the teenage boy next to him.
he takes a minute to compose himself, inhaling deep breaths, before finally turning back to his son. grabbing his hand, his calloused fingers trace over the old scars. "how long have you been doing this, teddy?"
jakes voice is low, unsteady.
theodore shrugs. "i don't know, little more than a year, i guess."
jakes eyes widen. he drops theodore's hand, before quickly standing up. "i need a minute, buddy. don't go anywhere."
jake goes back into the 7-eleven, and heads straight for the bathroom.
once inside, he falls against the back of the door, heavy sobs escaping his chest.
jake was a strong man, being his fathers son, he had to be. it took a hell of a lot to make him emotional, growing up in a household where crying is weak will do that to you, but here he was, sobbing on the bathroom floor of a 7-eleven.
becoming a father had been the best thing that ever happened to him,and an opportunity for him to break generational curses and show his children and his father and grandfather, that you could be tough and deal with your emotions in a healthy manner.
jake was taught to push those feelings deep down, and never let them out in the open, never let anyone else see them. it was in this moment, he hoped and prayed to god that theodore wasn't taking after him.
theodore had been in pain for over a year. suffering for over a year. unhappy for god knows how long.
his beautiful boy had been harming himself for over a year, and he didn't even notice.
jake felt like the worst parent in the world.
how could he not have noticed?
he tries to think back to all of the family gatherings and the birthday parties. everyone always commenting on how well mannered and mature theodore was. the nights where you guys would get home, and theodore would close himself up in his room. the weekends, where jake only saw him at dinner. the way theodore always wore long sleeves, even in the summertime.
jake had missed the signs.
growing up, theodore was always a quiet boy, very different from his siblings. his siblings were sparkplugs, reckless and always getting into trouble.
jake had liked to believe that theodore had taken after you, but after remembering the stories your mom tells of you being a raining hellfire, he wonders how truly long his boy has been feeling unhappy. was it just this past year, or was it subconsciously his whole life?
jake didn't know if he wanted the answer to that last question.
it takes a few minutes, but he finally calms himself down enough to be able to leave the bathroom.
stepping outside, he sees theodore sat in the same spot.
jake doesn't know what to say, or what to do. none of the parenting books covered this.
all he can do is stand and look at the broken boy in front of him.
he thinks back to when theodore was younger, about six or seven, when he and jake would go to 7-eleven every saturday at an ungodly hour (that hour being nine, 'ungodly' because his bedtime was eight.)
theodore practically running inside the store, insisting that he can dispense his own slurpee because he was a big boy. begging to get a big cup, even though he never finished it.
he was so happy then, getting to spend time with his daddy alone-without his siblings present, doing something they 'weren't supposed to do' all while keeping the promise of: no telling mama.
jake didn't see that little boy standing in front of him, and it made him so incredibly upset that he hadn't realized he was ever missing.
sitting down next to theodore, theodore looks up at him. "were you crying?"
theodore frowns. "i'm sorry."
jake wraps his arm around his sons shoulder, and pulls him into his side. "don't apologize, kid."
the two sit in silence for more minutes. jake, trying to figure out what to say, and theodore, silent tears rolling down his face.
jake can't put it off any longer. he grabs theodore's left wrist and holds it up between the two of them. "i don't know exactly how you are feeling, but i know that this, this is not the answer, teddy." jake pauses.
"i love you so much, teddy bear." jake calls theodore by a nickname he hadn't used since he was a little boy.
jake had stopped calling him that when theodore became a teenager.
dad, don't call me that anymore, it's embarrassing!
theodore lets out a sob at the use of his childhood nickname, crying into his fathers jacket.
"i-im sorry, i just- i can't, dad-" theodore begins to cough over his words.
jake pulls him closer, one hand on his back, another tousled in his curly hair.
"why can't i just feel normal?"
jake remains silent, trying to formulate what he was going to say, before speaking.
"everybody loves you so much, buddy. you need help studying for your tests? i will find someone to help you. you want to explore college options? your mom and i will drive you to check out every campus in the goddamn united states if you want to. you want to join the navy? great! you don't want to join the navy? that's okay, too." jake says, his hand rubbing theodore's back soothingly.
"i don't know why you're feeling this way, teddy. i wish that there was something i could do, or say, to make it all better. i know you're not happy, and we can get you help, buddy. there's counseling, medication—we have options, teddy. better options than hurting yourself, okay?"
jake uses his shirt to wipe the snot from theodore's nose. "i love you, nothing will ever change that."
the two of them sit together in silence, watching the cars drive past the dark road, an honest silence between them.
jake just wants his boy to be okay.
"please don't tell mom about my scars."
jake freezes. jake had completely forgotten about you, the one who had sent him to have this talk with theodore in the first place.
what was he supposed to tell you?
if you asked, he couldn't lie to you.
"promise me you won't tell her, please, dad."
god don't say that. don't make me promise.
"dad?" theodore looks up at his dad with worry.
jake sighs. "buddy, i—i can't not tell your mom."
theodore frowns. "please don't. please, i don't want her to know."
jake sighs. if theodore didn't want him to tell you, then he wouldn't tell you.
jake reaches down, and brings theodore's wounded wrist up to his lips, placing a soft kiss there.
"i won't tell your mom about this-"he gestures to theodore's scars. "but i need you promise to try your best to not do this again."
theodore remains silent for a moment. "okay."
jake takes a deep breath. "what do you use to make these?"
teddy shrugs. "whatever i can find. knives, desk corners, mainly blades, though."
jake stills. "okay, do you think i could get them from you—when we get home? are they in your room?"
theodore nods. "under my bed."
jake nods. "i want them as soon as we get home."
it's only a few minutes later that theodore says he's ready to go.
the car ride back home is quiet, except for the radio playing lowly in the background.
once jake and theodore get home, they quietly make their way through the house. the last thing needed was someone waking up and asking questions.
stopping at the young boy's bedroom, jake's eyes follow theodore, as he slips off his shoes, and bends down to reach under his bed. standing up, he hands you a small box full of about a dozen or so box cutters.
jake frowns at the brown tainting the bandaids theodore is wearing.
"is that all?" jake asks.
"yeah." theodore says quietly.
jake nods. "let me clean your bandages, teddy, i'll meet you in the bathroom."
"wait—what are you gonna do with those."
"i'm throwin' em' out, buddy."
"not in the kitchen garbage, mom or the boys will see."
"i know, teddy. i'll meet you in the bathroom."
jake takes the tattered box full out blades outside and throws it in the neighbors garbage can.
entering the house again, he locks the door before quietly making his way to the bathroom.
shutting the door, he grabs bandages and neosporin from the cabinet above the sink.
"when did you do this?" jake asks.
"few days ago." theodore mumbles.
theodore shakes his head. "i never really do. i usually just slap a bandaid on them."
his words make jake wince. it's a miracle none of theodore's cuts had ever gotten infected.
slowly, jake unwrapped the bandages from his wrist. his heart absolutely breaking at the sight of theodore's freshly wounded wrist.
jake turns the water on, and lets it run until it's lukewarm. with mild soap, he gently cleans theodore's cuts.
drying theodore's wrist with a spare towel, he spreads neosporin over the wounds before applying bandages to the area.
jake pulls his son in for another hug. "get to bed, it's late. we'll talk in the morning."
"goodnight, dad." theodore says quietly.
sighing, jake puts everything back in the cabinet and heads to bed, absolutely exhausted from what was supposed to be a simple, short conversation.
stripping to his boxers, jake tries not to wake you as he climbs into bed.
"jake." you mumble, sensing the dip in weight on your left side.
you had tried your best to be awake for when they got home, but minutes turned to hours, and you accidentally had fallen asleep.
"hey, darlin'" jake says quietly, brushing your curly hair out of your face.
"how did it go?" you asked. jakes eyes were bloodshot, his skin blotchy, you knew it couldn't have gone well but you still had a tiny bit of hope.
"he's not okay, josephine." jake says. "he's been in so much pain."
tears welled in your eyes.
"how could he have been in so much pain without us noticing?"
jake held you against his chest, you crying silently at the thought of your baby boy being as unhappy as jake is describing.
jake tells you everything.
he leaves out what he promised theodore he wouldn't tell you, telling you that it wasn't his place, that in time, teddy would tell you himself.
"remind me tomorrow to call my dad and ask him what the fuck he's thinking."
the conversation ended there, and though you had a few more questions, jake looked absolutely exhausted, so you didn't push him on it.
it's been a few hours, jake had since fallen asleep, but you couldn't. you laid there, your husbands heartbeat steady in your ear.
you stared at the clock that rested on the wall across from you, counting down the minutes until it was breakfast time and you had an excuse to wake up theodore.
and when you couldn't wait any longer, the clock read 5:42am. you slowly removed yourself from jakes grasp and made your way to your sons room.
"teddy?" you said quietly.
"mom?" his voice is hoarse, strangled.
you made your way over to his bed. "hi sweetheart."
you brush stray curls out of his face.
you nodded. "only some of it. whatever he promised you he wouldn't tell me, he hasn't."
your beautiful boy frowns. "i'm sorry."
"don't apologize." you tell him. "room for me?"
theodore slides his body over, and you join him in the small bed.
he rests his head on your chest.
"you hated sleeping in your bed by yourself." you tell him, quietly.
"you would beg me for story after story just so i would stay with you until you fell asleep."
"you were such a sweet boy. you still are a sweet boy." you pause, trying to stabilize your breath. "my sweet boy."
"i love you so much, okay?" you tell him.
"i mean it, teddy. i don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to me. even if you don't think i will understand, even if i don't understand, i will always be there to listen. so will your dad."
a/n: this is... i don't know. this chapter is loosely based on personal experience, except, my parents weren't as nice as teddy's. i don't know how i feel about this, it did feel good to write, though, cathartic in a way i guess. this fic takes place in a universe that i'm developing where josephine and jake have four boys (you might remember josephine from the fic 'leaving' that i posted a few days ago) obviously, this is set further in the future, and i probably should wait to post this until i post the fics of the boys growing up, but i don't have any of those written and instead i hyper fixated on this, so here it is.
teddy has such a huge piece of my heart, and if any of you are feeling like teddy right now, just know that i've been there, i see you, and it does eventually get better with time.
sidenote: i have no idea what pov i want to write this in, but i guess i don't it to be y/n? i'm reading another jake series, i believe its called my girl? where its centered around an oc, but the story is written with you pronouns, and i liked how that read, so i attempted to do that here, not sure how it worked out or will work out in the future for me. as usual, i'd love to hear your thoughts about this story. this is an extremely heavy topic, and i hope i wrote about it at least decently.
