Jul 25, 2024
*as kids*
Remus: *creating chaos in the kitchen & manic laughter* >:D
Virgil: Hey Ree? Dee says if you blow up the kitchen again he's gonna give you up for adoption
Remus: :(
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*as kids*
Remus: *creating chaos in the kitchen & manic laughter* >:D
Virgil: Hey Ree? Dee says if you blow up the kitchen again he's gonna give you up for adoption
Remus: :(
“I’m hiding from your kid. They’re being a dick, by the way.” “Did you just call your own child a dick?” Said by parents Remus and Deceit with their child Virgil
Warnings: Dark sides obviously, nothing else I think?
EDIT: I made art for this over on my art blog if you wanna check that out
Okay this is the cutest prompt ever so I really liked writing this lmao
Remus walked through the house, hearing Virgil’s giggles and stomps as the three year danced about in their living room, causing trouble.
Remus passed the cabinet in their hallway and noticed it was open, just a little bit. He swung the door wide open and raised an eyebrow at his husband. “Whatcha doing, babe?”
“I’m hiding from your kid. They’re being a dick, by the way.” Dee shifted in the cupboard, it was surprisingly comfortable on his sore back.
“Did you just call your own child a dick?” Remus asked, grinning. “You told me off for that last week!”
“Shut up and help me out,” said Dee. He held his hands out and Remus pulled him down to the floor.
“Alright, babes. What’d V do?”
“Called me old and threw his blocks at my head.”
Remus burst out laughing.
“Shut up!”
Remus laughed even harder and Dee kicked his foot. “Dickhead! Stop laughing!”
“HA! He called you old!”
Dee growled and stomped down the hall to the living room.
“Daddy!” Virgil cheered. He waddled over to his dad and reached up with his pudgy toddler arms. “Up!”
“What do we say, little bat?”
“Up please!” Virgil corrected.
“There we go,” cooed Dee. He hoisted the baby up onto his hip just as Remus entered the room.
“Papa.” Virgil pointed.
“That’s right, baby.” Remus tapped his nose. “You giving Daddy a hard time?”
“Mhmm!”
Dee squished Virgil’s cheek. “You, my little bat, are obnoxious.” He pressed a big kiss to his toddler’s cheek.
Send me prompts please!
search up 'virgil wants a strawberry' on youtube pls im fucking begging you
You know right now all the sides are probably screaming internally or externally but remus is probably over there rn like
I GET TWO DADS NOW?!
Creativitwins with exhausted dad Dee and dad Patton with kid Logan and baby Virgil meeting at some sort of single parent support group and both Dee and Patton have to fend off single moms that are attracted to them.
Deceit is… tired. Just so very tired. Too tired to deal with PTA moms trying to hit on him and insist that his two nightmares of sons are little angels.
“I know how you feel,” a voice pops up just behind him.
He turns to find a short, bespectacled man with cute curly hair cradling a tiny baby.
“Sorry?”
“The moms, I get that too, they just can’t take a ‘no thanks’ or ‘I’m gay’ as a hint.”
Deceit blinks. Finally, finally he’s found another dad he can confide in and-
“Is that your son trying to bite mine?”
“Remus!”
Virgil: Hey, I'm here. Open up.
Deceit:..When I was younger I was forced to eat dog food for dinner. I never had--
Virgil: Open the fucking door.
----
Deceit: You ever want to talk about your emotions, Virgil?
Virgil: No.
Remus: I do!
Deceit: I know, Remus.
Remus: I'm sad.
Deceit: I know, Remus.
---
Virgil: All I ever do is hurt the people I care about. Thomas, Logan, Roman, Patton..
Deceit, gesturing to himself and Remus: What about us?
Virgil: All the people I care about, Dee!
---
Remus at Thomas: His outfit? WACK.
Remus: His sword? WACK.
Remus: His creativity? WACK.
Remus: The way he doesn't even like to grow a mustache? WACK.
Remus: Me? I'm tight as F U C K.
----
Remus: Well, I always knew Roman was useless. At least now, it's scientifically proven. 9 out of 10 doctors recommend you stop being a little bitch.
---
Logan: Okay, class, look at these trees--
Remus: Pussy.
Logan:
Logan: REMUS. SHUT THE HELL UP.
Remus: PUSSY.
Logan: I'M NOT PLAYING THESE GAMES--!
----
Virgil: What are we having for dinner?
Deceit: Steak, corn and a side of--
Remus: PUS--
Deceit: NO.
Remus:
Deceit:
Remus:
Deceit:...and a side of--
Remus: PUSSY.
---
Virgil: Dad?
Deceit: Yes, sweetheart?
Virgil: Where do babies come from?
Deceit: Oh. Well..you see--
Remus: Dat pussy.
Deceit: GODAMNIT REMUS--
----
(Remus as a kid)
Remus: Daddy, don't go.
Patton: I have to!
Remus: You don't.
Patton: I do.
(Remus now)
Patton: I--
Remus: PISS OFF DAD.
----
Remus: I'M A STEAMING CAULDRON OF SEXUAL NEEDS AND DESIRES RIGHT NOW.
---
Deceit: Roses are red,
Violets are blue..
Why'd you leave me Virgil?
What did I do??
---
Deceit: Even the babies were the most dangerous of all so I made this cage to keep them secure and (notices baby Virgil crawling towards Patton) Oh my God..
---
Deceit, on the phone: Hey, I need your help. Can you come over?
Remus: Nah, I'm buying clothes..but I can't find them. There's only soup.
Deceit, washing a bloody knife: What do you mean there's only soup?
Remus: I mean there's only soup.
Deceit, dumping Virgil's hoodie into a shredder: Then go into the next aisle!
Remus: Okay, you don't have to shout at me! (Walks into the next aisle) There's more soup.
Deceit, trying on Logan's tie in the mirror: Where are you right now?
Remus: I'm at Soup.
Deceit, crushing Patton's glasses: What do you mean you're at soup?!
Remus: I mean I'm at Soup!
Deceit, trying on Roman's sash: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!
Remus: I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!
Deceit, stabbing Roman's sword into a wall: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!
Remus: FUCK YOU.
resent ask: so i have an unsympth patton au that i havent been able to tell anyone. probably done before but idk: so basically, patton and deceit used to be married, and the other sides were their kids. however, they got a divorce because deceit couldnt handle pattons manipulative bullshit anymore. virgil and remus went with deceit, while logan and roman went with patton. they still had visitations though(this was the part 1, sorry about the inconvienence)
pt2. patton wasnt happy with the arrangement though, and awhile later(weeks, months, years, idk) he starts spreading lies about deceit being abusive and a bad parent. saying things like "just look at virgil! no child should be that anxious at such a young age" or "remus shouldnt be having ideas like that! its obviously deceits fault." idk what would happen after but i hope its an ok idea
It's a great idea! I love it! Patton spreading lies about Deceit to discredit him as a parent? God tier!
Virgil, coming home 12.3 seconds past curfew: Hey dad, I’m home.
Deceit, swiveling around in his chair: Hi home, I’m disappointed