"Things I said you weren't meant to hear" :)
Everyone is making Cassandra sad so I am here to single-handedly fix it.
Ellana is running early for a meeting with Leliana to discuss some intelligence reports in preparation for their next expedition when she hears voices above her.
More specifically, hears Cassandra’s voice.
She had hidden it well in the months since but her rejection that day on the battlements still stung.
But she was content to keep things the way they were if it meant that Cassandra was still in her life. Was one of her closest friends, besides Dorian that is.
She stops halfway up, still out of sight but close enough to hear most of what is being said. Doesn’t want to interrupt the conversation between the old friends. Is curious to know exactly what sort of things two of the most powerful women in Thedas discuss in their downtime.
“Why don’t you tell her? It is doing you no good to keep this to yourself. It isn’t noble to torture yourself in such a way Cassandra. This isn’t one of your books. It’s your own heart, own happiness you are denying yourself,” Leliana’s voice rings out, sounding concerned.
“Ugh I know this is nothing like one of my books - just because - I know Leliana,” Cassandra sighs.
Ellana shuffles nervously, it feels like an invasion of privacy to linger but she is curious. Wants to know who they are talking about. So she can send whoever she is to the furthest reaches of Thedas.
But she isn’t that petty. Would never deny Cassandra her happiness. Even if it meant she didn’t find it with her. Even if it was a she after Cassandra told her that she could never be romantically interested in women.
“It’s not too late you know,”
Ellana barely hears the noise of confusion that Cassandra makes over the cawing on the crows. The ruffling of their feathers.
“She has shown no interest in anyone these past months. Even those that literally throw themselves at her. And I don’t think she will, even for something casual,”
“You can’t know that.” Cassandra sounds small. Unsure of herself.
“No. But I know that she is in love with you.”
“Leliana - don’t,” Cassandra’s tone is enough to warn most people off. But Leliana isn’t most people.
“Why? You love her too no? It is only some foolish sense of duty and propriety, denial of your true feelings that made you say no to her that day.”
Could it be? Surely they weren’t? They couldn’t?
If Ellana didn’t know any better she would have thought that the mystery woman that they were talking about was her.
Ellana can’t linger here. Not anymore. But Cassandra confirms her suspicion before she has a chance to figure out if she should retreat or continue on climbing up the stairs and make her presence known.
“She is the Inquisitor Leliana,” Cassandra sighs “It wouldn’t - “
Ellana can’t stop the gasp of surprise that escapes at Cassandra’s words, cringes at the echo it makes off the stone walls of the narrow staircase, interrupting the conversation above.
“You’re early Ellana,” Leliana’s voice calls out, and Ellana can hear the smirk on her lips. Wouldn’t be surprised if she knew she was there the entire time.
Ellana climbs the last few steps before coming into view of the others.
Cassandra is looking at her with a panicked look on her face, before turning to give Leliana a dark look that sends recruits running.
Leliana just smiles softly as she stands, brushing invisible dirt off the front of her coat.
“I have some things to check on with Josie, and it appears that you two have matters of your own to discuss”
Ellana barely notices Leliana leaving, focused as she is on trying to keep the thoughts that are racing through her mind from showing on her face.
It’s too much to hope for, Cassandra willing to be with her even knowing how she feels about her. How Ellana still feels about her.
“You weren’t meant to hear any of that.” Cassandra manages to say.
Ellana watches as she rises stiffly from the wooden bench she is sitting on before she turns to face her. Hands wringing in a nervous gesture that looks out of place on someone as confident as Cassandra.
“Is it true though?” Ellana says thickly. Her mouth feels clumsy compared to her racing thoughts. To the feeling of tightness in her chest that she has ignored for so long, sharper now with the small morsel of hope she had recently been given.
She loves you in return that small voice in her head clings to. Gives her heart hope.
Ellana watches calmly as Cassandra fidgets.
Watches as she opens and closes her mouth as if testing the words before she speaks them.
Watches as her hands stop moving and a look of calm resolution settles on her face, her posture straightening as she settles whatever internal battle has been going on inside her.
It’s one word. But it sends her reeling. Gives her hope. Makes her stop thinking for the briefest of moments before the more protective side of her heart stops. Waits for the “but”. For the other shoe to drop.
“Yes, it’s true,” Cassandra speaks again, drawing her from her own thoughts.
Confuses her when she realises how much closer Cassandra is to her.
“I realise now what a fool I had been that day. That as much as I thought I was protecting you I was hurting you far more. In far worse ways than the way that I feared.”
There is a sadness in Cassandra’s voice. In the lines of her beautiful face. Lingering in the depth of her eyes. Eyes that are a colour that Ellana has never been able to make out, but a task that she would go to great lengths to study thoroughly.
Cassandra’s mouth is moving, but Ellana isn’t listening to what she’s saying. Not really. She watches the way the scar on her cheek pulls. The way her tongue darts out nervously to wet her lips. She lets the tone of her voice wash over her. Feels a shiver at the sound of Cassandra’s accent - her voice was one of the things she first found attractive about her after all.
“Shut-up,” Ellana says sharply, snapping out of her thoughts.
“Stop talking,” Ellana murmurs, taking a step towards Cassandra, closing the distance between them. Rests her hands on her hips. Squeezes the firm flesh beneath her fingers lightly.
“What are you doing?” Cassandra asks her. Her voice wavers slightly, and Ellana smiles softly as she leans in closer. Gives Cassandra the time - and space - to pull away from her if she wants to. Watches the look in her eye to know if she is welcomed there or not.
Finds that she is, and her heart stutters in one of its beats at the barely contained excitement she feels swelling in her chest.
“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Ellana says softly as one of her hands moves from Cassandra’s hip to settle in the hair at the nape of her neck. Closes the distance between them and kisses her for everything she’s worth.
