So I'm writing this on here because I have no where else to do this cuz I have no personal space what so ever, tumblr is the only social media I have that none of my family has and it's a good thing. Anyway, I've been feeling this feeling, obviously, and it's like not depression but It feels like it. I just don't get. I want to be left alone but at the same time I hate being alone, Silence scares me. But the voice of someone else is annoying. And I don't know why, it's just something I've been feeling for a few months now. I feel like I have friends but at the same I feel like I'm not friend Material, and to the friends on here don't take it personal. If you don't understand it's ok, I'm confusing. Also the thought of college scares me now but I can't wait for a taste of freedom, I'm tired of living in this house full of shame, remorse, and regret. I don't understand, my whole family shames everyone who does wrong and I'm not like that and it makes me wonder so much on why people are like that. I'm not gonna lie, I hate being alone, and not the whole me being by myself, I mean relationship-wise, I will literally feel like shit when someone says "aww you're so cute" or "you're adorable" and even when people are like "why are you single, you're such a nice guy" and I ask the same question. Its all because now people look for the sexy type, the abs, the back muscles, the smile, the eyes. I'm sorry that I'm flawed, but I'm not gonna hide who I am to make someone else happy, it wouldn't make me truly happy. Idk I just feel like I'm always gonna be that one person who is always "just a friend" or "he's like a brother to me" it really crushes me. I've only been in 1 relationship, or whatever it was, to me it was and it didn't last but I enjoyed knowing that person actually took time to not be like the rest of the world and it made me happy and stuff and I just want that stuff again, I sound so desperate right now. Well I think I'm done venting for now..
