this is embarrassing stuff to admit, but as I ponder my gender more I find myself really intrigued by forcemasc. not even in a strictly sexual way, most of the time, moreso just. biting the bullet for me.
I'm used to living life as a "woman". I don't like it but it's what I've known. changing my body or my social identity so drastically is scary, even if I know deep down I don't want to be a "woman" forever. I'm scared of "ruining a beautiful girl", I'm scared I'll regret it, I'm scared of not knowing what I'll look like six months from now.
so someone doing it for me? loading me up with hormones, chopping off my hair and making me come to terms with a rapidly changing body? telling me to never hesitantly put on a skirt or accept being she/her'd again?
there's comfort in it I'm both scared to indulge in and absolutely crave.