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5 Things I’ve Learnt About Sleep Training

I hope you enjoyed my previous “sleep” series where I shared how I managed to train Baby Dozer so that he goes down for his naps / bedtime with minimal fuss. If you missed those posts, don’t worry. Here are the links again:

How I Managed to Put My Baby Down for Bedtime with Minimal Fuss

How I Managed to Put My Baby Down for Naps with Minimal Fuss

How I Managed to Make My Baby Sleep Through The Night (most popular post!)

I strongly encourage you to read the posts in the above order as they are somewhat linked. ;)

As some sort of continuation on the “sleep” series, I thought it might be useful to share some facts based on my own experience of sleep training.

1. Sleep training is not a one-off exercise

I’ve learnt that training Baby Dozer to sleep on his own and to sleep through the night or not once-off activities. Babies grow at a rapid pace and their routines and daily habits evolve to keep up with their growth. For example, Baby Dozer at 19 months is starting to transition from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day. 

A transition period means disruption to a routine which he is used to and I’ve discovered that disruption always means that I have to restart sleep training practices again. 

Another thing I’ve noticed is that bad habits tend to form over time. For example, Baby Dozer has now fallen into the habit of using me as a pacifier so I’ve had to be the “bad Mummy” and stop him from nursing whenever I sense the pacifier ‘rhythm’ instead of the feeding ‘rhythm’. If you’re a breastfeeding Mummy, you’d know what I mean. Yes, he wails fit to bring the house down when I stop him from doing so.  

The good news is you only need to “suffer” for awhile because once the new routine is established, it’s smooth sailing again, hopefully for the next few months.

2. OK, so smooth sailing, doesn’t really mean smooth sailing ALL THE TIME

You could probably say that a car is more reliable than a human, in the sense that if you maintain it well, it shouldn’t give you too much issues. However, even cars do break down from time to time, so what more humans, who aren’t machines! There definitely is bound to be one of those days when the routine of dumping baby in the cot doesn’t work and baby refuses to sleep or fusses terribly! 

When that happens, I often find myself wondering, “Is it time to change his routine? Is he unwell? Is it because I put him to bed slightly later yesterday?” 

Questions starting with “Is it…” tend to lead to “Should I…”.

“Should I try changing his routine? Should I just let him cry? Should I carry him or rock him to sleep?” 

Well, I’ve learnt that when there is a breakdown in routine, just let it be, skip it for a day or make an exception, but be sure to return to the routine the next day. Usually, things go back to usual but if they don’t after 3 to 5 days, maybe it’s time to change the routine a little. That’s how I discovered that Baby Dozer was ready to transition from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day. 

3. Sometimes, we all need to call for backup

The thing about sleep training is that usually once it is well established, either Hubs or you or other caretakers should be able to carry it out pretty well. Now, that I am a stay-at-home mum, I’ve noticed that Baby Dozer can get a little clingy with me. He also knows that Mummy gives in more easily so some days, he gets really naughty and fusses a lot. 

For me, the strategy that works is to enlist backup help in the form of Hubs. Thus far, after I’ve ascertained that he’s not crying out of distress, and no form of persuasion can work, I exit the room and get Hubs to try and put him to bed instead. 

So, don’t worry if your routine which was working perfectly fine is starting to come undone! Maybe all it needs is a little backup assistance from your family members for a couple of days before things return to normal. 

4. The experts know what they’re talking about

Now a lot of what I’ve learnt is thanks to this book called The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman, a Canadian sleep consultant. I owe my success in training Baby Dozer to sleep through the night entirely to this book. You can click here to purchase the book from Dana Obleman’s official website or read my post about this here.

When I first read the book, I followed everything she said EXCEPT for one thing. Dana Obleman said that babies should sleep in their own room, but I privately disagreed and so Hubs and I decided that that was the one exception to the book that we should make. 

Well, as it turned out, things worked fine until one day, I was hit with mastitis. When you get mastitis, supply drops and baby becomes absolutely cranky. I decided to nurse him through the night because I feared that he was hungry. Well, after that, it was quite impossible to train him to sleep through the night anymore. 

Then, one day, Hubs and I decided that we should move Baby Dozer to his own room. It was what Dana Obleman suggested, after all and so, we moved him and restarted the sleep training methods as per the book. Within a week, Baby Dozer was sleeping through the night again! 

So, yes, as parents we need to use our own discretion but sometimes, the experts really know what they’re talking about. ;)

5. Sleep training is incredibly difficult but it’s worth it

I know how difficult it is to hear your baby cry. I tend to want to give in immediately the moment Baby Dozer fusses, and often have to give myself a mental kick before I come to my senses. 

When I was sleep training Baby Dozer, 1 minute felt like 15 minutes. It was incredibly difficult listening to him cry - even though I knew it was a manja / attention cry! By the way, I personally think that knowing how to differentiate your baby’s cries is very crucial to sleep training. You can read my post on “Should I Let My Baby Cry?” here.

It was really the mental agony of hearing your baby crying out to you, but knowing that you should NOT give in order to help him be a better baby. I had to remind myself that what I was doing was for his sake, helping him to be better-rested and more independent. This agonising fingernail-digging-into palm period never lasted more than a week but it seemed like months to me. 

But now that Baby Dozer is able to sleep on his own AND sleep through the night, is it worth it? Yes, I strongly believe so. 

I am happy that he is getting his 12 hours of sleep a night now when he used to only sleep about 8 to 10 hours a night. 

I am happy that I am able to put him in his cot for naps even before he has fallen asleep knowing that he looks forward to it too. 

I am happy seeing him learn how to play around in the cot alone in the room before he eventually falls asleep. 

Above all, I’m happy because I hope that these are the fundamentals to helping him become independent because Mummy and Daddy can’t always be around for him. 

I hope you enjoyed the post and found it helpful! Have a good weekend! :)

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Why I Chose To Train My Baby to Sleep Through The Night

One of the questions which most relatives love to ask when your baby turns 3 months or so is, "Is your baby sleeping through the night now?" Sleeping through the night or STTN as it is commonly known in the parent fraternity is probably the dream of every mother. As if we're not tired enough already from the day's chores and duties, we have to suffer prolonged broken sleep when baby wakes up in the middle of the night, demanding to feed or wanting to play. 

Well, after Baby Dozer turned 1 year old, thanks to the intervention of my dearest friend, my sanity was restored and I managed to SUCCESSFULLY train Baby Dozer to STTN. I am emphasising on the word "successfully" because before this, I had tried various methods and advice from my cousin and aunties and failed. I have shared my successful methods in a post here.

Today, I've decided to write this post because after sharing last week how I successfully trained Baby Dozer to STTN (click here to read), I received a couple of questions asking me why I chose to train my baby to STTN. There are many people who aren't in favour of "sleep training". Here's what I've been told:

"It's OK, baby will outgrow it."

"Isn't it cruel to let your baby cry?" (Because training does involve some crying)

"It must be because your baby isn't full. You don't have enough breastmilk for him." (There we go again, the insults we breastfeeding mothers have to bear)

It is probably smarter not to respond to any of the comments above, but as parents, we need to make informed decisions so if you're unsure as to whether you should train your baby to STTN, here are some factors you might want to consider. Please note that the opinions expressed here are my personal choice and I am in no way judging other mothers who may have different views. To reiterate, I am writing this post merely to share my point of view and possibly provide you with some consideration factors in case you're unsure or need a little discussion.

I chose to train my baby to STTN because:

1. Children who don't sleep well have lower IQs than children who do (Source: Dana Obleman's website)

Dana Obleman is the sleep consultant to whom I owe my success to. After reading her book and following her instructions EXACTLY, Baby Dozer was able to STTN from Night #5 onwards. Besides having lower IQs, there are other implications to having broken sleep at night according to Dana Obleman:

More likely to be obese

At higher risk for hyperactivity (for boys)

Score lower in school tests

Perform worse on tests designed to assess memory, emotional control and organisation (for babies)

Now before you start branding me as a "kiasu" mum who wants her child to score "As" throughout his entire school life, the reason why I decided to start sleep training on Baby Dozer once I read this was because:

By not helping him to sleep well at night, I realised that I'm not helping him to enjoy his full potential, which I strongly feel is my duty as a parent. 

Some babies manage to STTN by the 3rd month of their lives. Other babies need some help and I felt that as a parent, it was my duty to help my baby as best as I could. 

There is a powerful visual on the Internet which shows a child's wings being clipped by his parents. I vowed I would try my best never to be such a parent. To me, if I don't help my child when I know that I can possibly do so, it is almost similar to clipping his wings. 

2. My personal health and concentration was failing me, putting my own life at risk

After getting involved in 2 car accidents, which were thankfully minor, I had a wake up call. Both times I knew I wasn't concentrating when the accidents happened. I didn't want another car accident which could potentially be deadly. 

Again, I felt it was my responsibility as a mother to take care of myself so that I could be there for Baby Dozer. 

3. I couldn't wait for Baby Dozer to "outgrow" it anymore. Time wasn't on my side

Some people think that babies will eventually stop waking up when they are ready. Dana Obleman refutes that belief. She has patients coming to see her who are well into primary school and still waking up in the middle of the night. 

I realise that it is a very fine balance between knowing whether your child is not ready or whether your child is ready but needs a little guidance. To me, there was no reason why my 1 year old would still need to wake up at night. If you follow my blog, you would know that Baby Dozer has a voracious appetite. He eats heartily all day long and I make sure to keep him full with frequent meals. 

Either way, once I read Dana Obleman's book, I was very sure about one thing:

I didn't want to play the 'wait and see' game anymore. What if he couldn't manage to learn to STTN until kindergarten? I would feel remorseful about not helping him when he needed guidance, especially after my friend had taken the initiative to share with me a proven method

I have written this post with the intention to help other parents out there decide, especially if you're unsure about whether training your child to STTN is the right thing to do. All I can say is there is no right or wrong. As parents, just be sure to consider all factors thoroughly. It's OK to be proven wrong but it's not OK to be careless about decisions and feel regret about them later. 

OK, enough of the serious talk! Have a great week ahead! 

P.S.: 

Click here to access Dana Obleman's site where you can purchase the e-book to learn her sleep training method. 

You can also read my personal experience and success in training Baby Dozer here. 

If you find Gracious Little Things helpful, like my Facebook page at facebook.com/graciouslittlethings or Instagram at instagram.com/graciouslittlethings to receive updates whenever there’s a new post!

Also, please check out my new venture at facebook.com/littlebabygrains where I sell organic baby rice for your babies suitable from 6 months onwards!

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How I Managed to Make My Baby Sleep Through The Night

Everyone always asks me if Baby Dozer is already sleeping through the night. Clearly this must be some wonderful feat or milestone in parenthood but, I wasn't there yet. Until...

Baby Dozer turned one. I call it a life-changing milestone. I had forgotten how good it felt to be fresh again; being able to have a good night's sleep without worrying when he was going to wake up and demand for a feed!

This is the 3rd instalment of my "Sleeping Series". I have already shared with you the methods I used to put Baby Dozer down for his naps and for bedtime without needing to rock or nurse him to sleep. If you missed those, check them out via the links below!

Sleeping Series:

Click to read: How I Managed to Put My Baby Down for Bedtime

Click to read: How I Managed to Put My Baby Down for Naptime With Minimal Fuss

My Background Story: 

When Baby Dozer was 5 months old, spurred on by my cousin's success with her twin daughters, I steadfastly decided that I would train Baby Dozer to sleep through the night, even if it meant not sleeping entirely for a week. My cousin shared that she succeeded in getting her daughters to sleep through the night by refusing to feed them when they woke up in the middle of the night. She didn't give them water but she kept rocking them until they eventually fell asleep. 

For 9 nights I persevered. My results: 

4 nights out of 9 nights: SUCCESS  Each time he woke up, I relied on the pacifier to well...pacify him. He would finally accept the pacifier after I gave it to him repeatedly, relent and fall asleep till about 5 or 6am. 

5 nights out of 9 nights: FAILURE The other times, I eventually gave in and fed him. It was so much easier. Baby Dozer dreamfeeds and goes right back to sleep immediately after so I ended up giving in.

End Result: FAILURE

After the 9th night, I naturally gave up out of sheer exhaustion. 9 nights of no sleep, a full-time job and motherhood. You get the idea. 

After that short burst of perseverance, I gave it a shot every month. Many of my relatives gave me all sorts of advice. I followed but never managed to succeed; not even for a night. 

Also, I didn't have much incentive to do it. It was just much easier to give in and feed Baby Dozer for about 5 minutes or so and then go back to sleep. 

Yes, I was inclined to agree with the statement above. BUT, after one year, the lack of sleep was taking its toll on me to the extent of being involved in 2 car accidents (thankfully minor). I felt tired all the time but I just assumed that that was normal. Being a mother means you always feel tired, right? 

The Breakthrough:

An unassuming catch-up session with one of my dearest friends from Canada prompted the remark, "What? Baby Dozer's still waking up at night? But he's 1 year old!" 

Typically, this is my cue to shrug my shoulders in a I-don't-know-what-to-do-and-I've-given-up pose. But my friend insisted on me reading this book called The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman.

I was naturally dubious and sceptical. Nevertheless, when your closest friend shares something, you always accept it with an open mind. Close friends always share great things with you. 

So, what do you think happened?

I read the book (it's an e-book)

I followed ALL the steps EXCEPT the part about putting baby in his own room to sleep. I only moved baby to his own room to sleep after he turned 18 months

Baby is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT NOW!!!

UNBELIEVABLE, right???

I know. Even as I'm writing this post, I can hardly believe it myself too!!! 

How I Did It: 

1. How do you do it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Sorry, unlike my 2 previous posts where I learned from trial and error, I owe my success entirely to this book. After my experience trying to learn from my cousin and aunties, I've realised that incomplete information does more harm than good. Experience has taught me that if I've decided to do something, I need to follow the instructions exactly, because incomplete instructions do NOT yield results. Instead, what I can tell you is you MUST read the book. The steps outlined in the book are very comprehensive, thorough and practical. Here's a link to Dana Obleman's website where she sells the e-book. 

2. How long did it take you to train Baby Dozer to sleep through the night?

The book calls for the elimination of sleep props which include pacifiers. When Baby Dozer turned 1 year old and in my opinion, very ready to be weaned off his pacifier, I took immediate steps to remove it from him. It took Baby Dozer about a week for him to get used to the absence of the pacifier - basically he went cold turkey without it. During this one week, I still nursed him throughout the night whenever he woke up crying for a feed. 

After I had established that Baby Dozer could successfully sleep without the pacifier, I started the instructions outlined in The Sleep Sense Program and it took him 4 nights before he really started sleeping through without waking up and crying. 

Note of Caution: The book warns that every baby is different. Some babies sleep through the night within a few nights and some take a few weeks before they can sleep through the night. 

3. Why did you decide to stop the night feeds?

I was getting really tired having to wake up at night and still go to work. The car accidents were a wake-up call for me and I knew I had to do something. Also, I had this instinct that Baby Dozer wasn't getting sufficient sleep - somewhere deep down inside me, I knew it was important that he be able to have uninterrupted sleep at night, and reading Dana Obleman's book confirmed my feelings. Here's what she says on her website:

  4. Is there crying involved?

Yes, the program involves letting baby cry but it is NOT the cry-it-out method. I was thankful that Baby Dozer didn't have to cry too much before he successfully adapted to the change. 

5. What age should I start training my baby to sleep through the night?

I like that Dana's book allows the parent the flexibility to decide. Simply put, it's up to you but her book provides practical guidance about good sleeping habits from birth onwards! She also acknowledges night feedings especially during baby's early days. 

6. Does it mean that once baby sleeps through the night he will never go back to his old habits of waking up at night anymore?

No, I had 2 incidents happen which caused Baby Dozer to return to his "bad habit". The first one was mastitis and the second one was Chinese New Year (recently). 

For both cases, once the mastitis and Chinese New Year holidays were over, I repeated the methods recommended by Dana Obleman's book and was able to make Baby Dozer sleep through the night again in less than a week. 

I simply can't thank dearest Sylvia enough for recommending this book to me and literally saving my sanity! HUGS! 

Link to Dana Obleman's website: Sleepsense.net

If you find Gracious Little Things helpful, like my Facebook page at facebook.com/graciouslittlethings or Instagram at instagram.com/graciouslittlethings to receive updates whenever there’s a new post!

Also, please check out my new venture at facebook.com/littlebabygrains where I sell organic baby rice for your babies suitable from 6 months onwards!