(Tw for domestic abuse! Please delete if that makes you upset!) Tell me if this is too dark or angsty, but I think the idea that Daniel may have gotten into an actual abusive relationship in his 20s heartbreaking but interesting to explore? Like he associates men with violence and bullying and manipulation and humiliation, and just the idea that he’s gay/bi and and every experience he had with a man was violent, so he thinks like… this is what men are like? This is what he associates his sexuality with, violence, and so when he gets into an actual abusive relationship, his first and only relationship with a man, maybe even his only relationship that wasn’t Ali or later Amanda? And it’s something he keeps a secret? He’s really ashamed of it, but he doesn’t even really think of it as abuse and didn’t because that’s how guys are, when they’re angry they get violent with him, he deserves it? I just think it’s interesting because there is constantly this “he provoked him” stuff from the fandom and even on the show to an extent, and I think it’s kind of interesting the idea that this is abuser rhetoric? And Daniel might think he deserved it or whatever because he always kind of took the stuff like “you couldn’t leave well enough alone” to heart and so when his boyfriend became abusive there’s all this self blame? I’m really sorry if this was too dark! Of course feel free not to answer and ignore this!
Hi anon!!! You shouldn’t worry about sending me anything that feels dark, I’m always interested in talking about toxic relationships and unhealthy dynamics where there’s a lot of obsession and jealousy. Like when desire becomes all-consuming and self-destructive. I find that so interesting. Also I love this ask because I don’t see this kind of meta about Daniel too often, and I think it’s so insightful and so in keeping with how I see him too!
So I find the idea of Daniel naturally falling into abusive relationships with men so apt because of everything he went through in the KK films. I’ve actually posted about this before, that I think Daniel would quickly come to associate his attraction to men with violence because of the experiences he had at such a formative age that blended rage and desire. First of all there’s his experience with Johnny. Like I see Daniel as having this big crush on Johnny when he meets him, there's this instant frisson and tension between them, but Johnny just hates him and does everything he can to hurt and humiliate him. Like going so far as almost killing him! Then almost breaking his leg at the tournament. Then there’s Chozen, who’s also extremely cruel & belittling to Daniel and who hurts him on multiple occasions. And of course we have Terry, who lies to Daniel, isolates and manipulates him, abuses him, and makes him think he’s special before revealing it was all a sadistic game to try to break him as much as possible.
So imagine being a young queer teenager and all of your experiences with the men you’re attracted to are intensely negative, where they openly hate and hurt you, or they play with you like you’re some kind of toy. How would that impact your self-esteem and affect your future relationships? I can see Daniel going through this and really believing that maybe he just deserves to be treated this way, and that there’s something about him that makes men angry. And because of this I can definitely see him falling into relationships with men who treat him badly, and not stopping to ask himself why or tell himself he deserves better because he’s never experienced anything else. So if he’s hurt or belittled, he thinks that it’s normal, and if it’s not normal for other couples, then it is for him because he deserves it. And if men desire him, of course it’s tinged with violence, because it always has been. So he doesn’t see it as abuse, it’s just his natural dynamic with men.
And I think even later once he’s with Amanda, and things aren’t like that, and they’re good and healthy, he doesn’t stop to think, “oh, this is how it should always be,” because his relationships with women have always been positive. They’ve always been soft and romantic, like with Ali and Kumiko, whereas his relationships with men have always been violent and tumultuous. So again he never really stops to think about it or has the self-awareness to see himself as a victim of abuse. Or ever really reflects on why he’s scared of being with men again, like why the thought of it fills him with dread. He just associates that part of his sexuality with violence and with being hurt. And blames himself for everything that was done to him because that's the reasoning he's been fed his entire life, since he was 16.
I also think it’s extremely insightful of you to say that people in the fandom can often use abuser rhetoric when it comes to Daniel. I’ve seen an increase in people on tumblr say really cruel and baseless things about Daniel, calling him a bitch; that he was provocative and meddlesome; that he was asking for it; that he knew what he was doing; that he doesn’t have trauma, he’s just being dramatic; that he's an unreliable narrator etc, and I’m like… these are all the things people call women after they’ve been sexually assaulted or abused by men. I hate the victim blaming and I hate the lack of self-awareness when people say these things. Esp when Johnny in contrast is then put on a pedestal and all his worst flaws are forgiven.
Like maybe this is very personal to me but I really do see Daniel's overall narrative in TKK and CK being very similar to that of a survivor of sexual assault & abuse, even if it's accidental, and I think the things people then accuse Daniel of being (an annoying boy who provoked his bullies and was asking for it) as being so on track with the backlash abuse victims get when they speak up against the people who hurt them.
