Well @hannahhook7744, your prompt is distracting me at work, I hope you like it!
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Steve was never very close to his brother. With ten years between them and too little hobbies shared, their relationship seemed more forced than voluntary. Even still though, they were family. Steve knew that if he needed him, Phil would be there to help (as seen in the many times he looked the other way with Steve’s speeding and horrible driving).
That’s why it hurt so horrendously when he found out that Phil had died in the earthquakes.
Steve felt numb. Frozen. Dead inside and the most alone he’d ever been. His only family, besides his parents that had moved away without ever looking back, was dead. Never again would Phil pull him over for speeding and let him go with exasperated threats. Never would they silently eat burgers across from each other in a small diner booth while sipping on butterscotch milkshakes they both denied were their favorite. And never again would they talk about boys or girls with stuttered pronouns and nervous glances searching for the other’s acceptance.
What hurt even worse though was the loss of what they could’ve been. Phil had seen him as a bratty kid, King Steve, and the traumatized version of himself that he was after the Upside Down. But he would never see him as an adult, as someone he could be proud of. They wouldn’t get a chance to grow closer or become proper brothers in a status they never quite reached.
Perhaps worst of all was what Phil could’ve been thinking when his patrol car fell into the fiery cracks in the earth. Did he know that Steve loved him? That he looked up to him as a role model? That he loved having him as a brother? Steve didn’t tell him any of that enough, never showed his appreciation, and he sure regretted that now. And now Steve wouldn’t get the chance to tell him. Nor would he have a chance to apologize for all the harsh words he spewed at Phil during their last fight. He wouldn’t get to tell him that he didn’t mean anything he’d shouted at him. Steve would never get to make it up to him or earn his forgiveness.
No, now Steve had to live with the fear that his older brother died alone, in pain, and thinking he hated him.
He spent the next week recovering from the bat bites on his sides, avoiding probing questions from the Party, and visiting the comatose Max in the hospital. He knew better than anyone how she felt now. If Vecna was still around, he would target Steve and feast on the pain suffocating him. An all-consuming pain only someone who’d lost a sibling could feel. More than ever, Steve wished that Max was awake, unhurt, and present. She would understand Steve’s feelings of turmoil of losing Phil much like she did with losing Billy. Even as he begged her from her bedside though to awaken, she stayed frozen with her eyes closed tight.
She would die just days later.
Steve had to plan two funerals just two days apart. One for his estranged brother and one for the girl he saw as his sister. He didn’t cry at either. His eyes were far too dry from crying so much in the privacy of his crypt of a home to spare any tears in the light of day.
He would grieve his family, his blood brother and the sister he’d adopted. He would watch the youthfulness and innocence of the kids melt away in their grief. Eventually though, Steve would move forward although the scars, just like the divots in this sides and the silvery line encircling his throat, would remain as a reminder of the pain he had to suffer all too young.
Hi all! I have an itch and have no idea where to look as the filters on AO3 are not giving me quite what I want.
Looking for a really good (preferably dark and long) fic with Harry's abuse from (well everyone really) takes center stage. Seeking that dark to light break my heart and fix it with my tears sort of read.
I suppose to give an example, something like House of Prince but with Drarry rather than Nottpot would be fantastic. Severitus or other parental figures are welcome as is Dumbledore bashing... 😍
I have already read the big ones like We were angels and the ordeal of being known. I also just recently finished Evitative and am caught up on the sequel... So I am craving it a bit. 😅
I am coming to Drarry from a bunch of Dramione dark and heavy hitters but have yet to find that same sort of vibe with Harry as the lead (House of Prince excepted). So recommendations would be extremely welcome! 😩🙇
Chakotay reacts to the loss of his most beloved, resulting in unintended consequences...
For the start of our 2020 Strokin’ fest, the @voyager-book-club presents one of the writer’s first fanfics since the mid ‘80s, a story of never-ending grief. Because we do like our angst on Strokin’, don’t we!
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The Voyagerbookclub members were gushing praise:
Oh damn. That story. My heart. I cant. The ending :sob::sob: @manalyzer13
A great Chakotay's characterisation @caladeniablue
The whole fic is like being punched repeatedly in the face, so it SHOULD end with semi-conscious me, the reader, being dunked in a tank of cold water and held down. @mia-cooper
I wasn’t sure if I was going to laugh or cry. I enjoyed reading your work immensely. @grace-among-the-stars
Well this was unexpected! And by unexpected I mean I had no idea what to expect. Thank you for sharing such a unique fic with us! @klugtiger
The surprise twist at the end is really painful. I love that the story has got that edge of dark humour. Very clever emotional twist for the reader. @coffeeblack75
This was ruthless! And then the twist at the end. Talk about a mind-fuck. BlackVelvet42
Thank you for sharing this, cause damn it's good. I love seeing other sides of Chakotay @ariella884
This story was such a gut punch. And then the ending. Gosh, what a twist. And so tragic. @arcadia1995
Yours is the real Chak to me, the one who feels things deeply. Nice. Very, very nice @trinfinity2001
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List of writers which were stroked in 2019 is here.
