#dark kintype

[the-muppet-joker]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh God... I just had a very intense kin memory while praying. I saw myself, as Adam, decending into hell. Why God? Was your firstborn not precious to you? I am actually about to have a panic attack what does this mean please why

[monstar-threat]

Moodboard for my shadow/smoke monster kintype:

All I know now is that he was never malicious. He is the youngest of my kins, thus the closest to me in terms of life cycles. Idk if he was as recent as my last life cycle, but he is from a more recent one.

He always tried to conform to a humanoid shape but never grasped it. He was very neurotic. Bouncing between being anxious to calm to angry. He had a bear companion. He had an obsession with teeth and veins.

He lived in the forest and whenever he would encounter humans, it was more of "did I see something at the corner of my eye?" And never in full sight. He gave people that feeling of them being watched when he was merely observing.

I wish I had a name for him but I don't.

[the-muppet-joker]

I'm so fucking mad. I'm glad Kermit is here to rub my shoulders and calm me down or else I would go full fucking Joker mode...

[the-muppet-joker]

Hey quick question, wtf is wrong with you?

Many things. I am a twisted and dark individual with a penchant for chaos. The joker lives within me and I cannot escape his madness. Similarly, Kermit lives within me and reminds me every day that I am nothing more to society than a puppet to be used, to entertain. It makes me sick. You people make me sick. It literally says in my DNI to Not Fucking Interact if you can't handle real darkness in a person. Kindly fuck off.

[the-muppet-joker]

I can't believe you think you are the joker. The joker is not and never will be a real person no matter how bad someone wants to be him. If you want to act like him and rp as him that's fine. Just stop acting like you actually are him.

Do you have proof that I am not the Joker? You claim I am roleplaying; your mind is too small to comprehend what I am doing, what I am capable of, and what I am.

[monstar-threat]

Monsterkin stuff again

So like the more I think about my monster kintype, the more I am not surprised and the more it kind of helps me. Plus, I have asked a few pendulum things and have received answers I really believe in.

One of those being my monster kintype being my most recent kintype. I don't know how far or few between it is to my life now, but it is close enough that I am having the most memories and insights about it.

I have always called myself a monster but the more I think about it, the more it doesn't scare me to want to get in contact with that past part of me. Monsters aren't always evil and I don't think I was. I think I was scared, paranoid, and protective. My cat Goliath feels so similar to what my companion was back then, but I don't think they are direct connections ya know? I think he knows about my kintype, ya know? But like I was saying, I was shaky. I tried adapting to a human body and failed then, no wonder it has been so hard this time around.

I suffer from depression and anxiety like many otherkin and therians. In this case, it makes more sense when looking at it with my kintype in mind. Either way, discovering my monster kintype has really helped me the past few days but it has been lonely. No one IRL knows my belief system and none of them know I'm otherkin and it doesn't help that monsterkin are so far and few between.

Oh well...I just need my bear-esque companion back.

[monstar-threat]

Calling other monsterkin

Please come in contact with me. I feel like I used to have a pack/group of sorts and right now I'm so damn alone.

[monstar-threat]

My history as otherkin

What up bitches.

So I figured since I have an otherkin side blog and since I literally don't feel comfortable talking about my kintypes anywhere else but here, I take you through a somewhat journey through my history with otherkin stuff.

So like early in age, I always had an expansive imagination. I always was creating world's and what not from my head. It's what I did. I'm an artist now so you see the correlation. But I have distinct memories as a child of 'pretending' to be an elemental elf of sorts. When I played by myself, it was the persona I went to. Now a lot of people would think it was just pretend and you most likely would be right! But looking back now, it could have been guides showing me that I wasn't always human.

The reason I bring up guides is because I distinctly remember it being nice outside one day and I was on my grandma's porch playing alone and I was 'pretending' to control air and thinking about it, it was like the Moana/Ocean situation with her as a child. Again, I could be making it all up.

Fast forward to like the end of middle school and the beginning of high school.

I went through the awkward outcast phase (which I would soon realize is my everyday life thanks my kin) where I identified as *cringe* a scene kid. But that's also when I joined Vampirefreaks! More cringe I know.

On there is when I got into BDSM as well and although never partook (partayketh? Partooketh?) In anything IRL, I did develop a relationship with a guy. Long story short, VF is where I first learned of otherkin AS WELL AS discovered...or at least thought that I found my kin. This is when I felt I was angelkin.

Long story short, through a set of events one night, the guy I was part of a relationship with said I saved his life that night and I thought my duties from then on were to be a savior. Again, an angel.

Look at me now. How ironic! But it makes sense in the grand scheme of things. My thought of being angelkin related back to my Demonkin because what it feels like is that that specific demon soul had done a lot of good in it's life but was a dark being and never seen in a good light. Demons are fallen angels anyways so it relates on why I got that vibe.

Anyways, I got laughed at for thinking this and there just was a lot to unpack. But I packed it away and let it be. Let it fester.

I did resurface on my otherkin stuff a few years back but soon put it to an end because I was accused of being a fake. Demonkin do not get along well together that's for sure. Long story short, the leader of this "pack" claimed that there couldn't be two nightmare demons and that they were too rare which technically if everything happens for a reason, it wouldn't be something to question too much but whatever. Once again I was turned off by the otherkin community and left it alone.

During my college years and especially recently, I started getting more into witchcraft and the occult. I have crystals, I read tarot cards, etc. So I figured I'd kind of look into things on Tumblr. Now here I am.

Side note: In the last year or so I realized that my soul possibly originated from another planet. I'll get into it in further posts but that's where the Starseed comes from.

I will be posting about my kintypes soon.