Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Summary: Aleksander is thrust into a war he can't win against Fjerda. It isn't until you get involved that he realizes he has more to lose than an army.
Warnings: canon-typical violence, depictions of gore, reader as hostage, depictions of torture and captivity, major character death, canon divergence, angst
What if you are a heartrender and new to the palace. And everytime you meet the darkling you notice his heartbeat quickens seeing you 👀
Title taken from this lovely list by @creativepromptsforwriting
Can’t you feel my heart beating?
Word Count: 812
Warnings: none
The first time you notice it is more by chance than anything else.
As not uncommon in the Little Palace, there is a feast for all the royals and nobels each year at the Winter Fete, but all the noise and people is not a thing that has ever been up your alley.
The noise of people talking and the strong, mixed scents of slight body odor, heavy perfume and consumables made you dizzy as you try to ground yourself, so you decided to concentrate on the heartbeats of all the people you could see and one by one you mentally went through the room, fingers crossed behind your back as you relaxed against a wall so no one would suspect you were doing something.
Soon enough, your eyes landed on, who you thought to be the most interesting person in the room.
The Black General.
He was wearing his usual black Kefta, but something seemed to be extra regal about him tonight as he seemed to be making casual conversation with the king and queen as his heart beat a steady pace.
You couldn't help but smile as he moved on from the conversation, the beating of his heart slowing down ever so slightly. Barely noticable around all the other hearts you could still hear in the back of your head.
You had no fear of being seen staring at him as you weren't the only one who was looking at the man clad in black. You knew that over the however long course of his life, he'd gotten used to it, just as you had gotten used to the stare of the commoners as you walked around Os Alta in your red and black Kefta as your eyes followed the general to one of the tables where part of the food was set up, where someone else chatted him up.
And then you caught it. The skipping of a heart beat.
It was to obvious to be one of the beats that drummed in the back of your head and you wondered what it was that had made the ever-stoic general stop in his tracks.
Your eyes found his and you felt like you’d been set aflame under his intense gaze, unable to help the bashful smile that crept up your face, but your attention was pulled away from him as Marie whisks you away to a corner she and Nadia had made themselves home for the night.
You appreciate the gesture, but you couldn’t seem to keep your eyes of the general as you chat with your two friends, happy not having to pretend anymore that you were just waiting for someone.
You barely saw him the rest of the evening, guessing he was preoccupied with all the visiting ambasadors that had come from far and wide for the spectacle.
And for some reason it stung a little but you paid it little mind as you chatted the night away with your friends.
The second time you noticed was at a military gathering, discussing the next move of several faction of the first and second army. It was clear to you you weren’t going on any missions anytime soon so you resorted to listening to the heartbeats of the people present, a habit you’d foud calmed you and staved off boredom.
All their hearts beat a steady pace. Once of rest and ease, despite the current discussion going on.
You easily found the general’s heartbeat, drumming just a little slower than the others around you as they faded to the back of your conciousness.
You followed his eyes across the table, occasionally looking at the scale map that laid before you, the little black figurines standing a silent guard over the fake fold that had been constructed on it as missions were assigned and military issues were discussed. And then it happend again.
The general’s heart skipped a few beats.
You couldn’t read anything from his face, but his heartbeat had sped up significantly and you wondered why.
As the meeting went on, it went back to its old, steady rythm and for a brief second you thought you caught Ivan rolling his eyes at him, but you paid it little mind.
Until the end of the meeting, as everyone slowly dispersed, getting ready for their respective missions when you caught his gaze, still listening to the heartbeats with half a mind and it happend again. Unmistakably, and you found yourself powerless to do anything against the intensity of his stare, smiling sheepishly as you cast your eyes down.
“I should be off,“ you murmured softly, but loud enough for him to hear.
The break of eyecontact seemed enough to break the spell and you quickly made your way out of the room, hopefully imagining the scoff that came from Ivan as you turned the corner to your rooms.
|the image above is for my masterlist, do not repost|
DISCLAIMER: No one has any permission to reproduce my work on other websites in any form or fashion. My work can not be published, reposted, or translated even if credit is given. Failure to comply with this will result in intervention.
ALEKSANDER MOROZOVA
Golden Cages
summary: You have lived isolated from the outside world in a forest for a large portion of your life. One day, a mistake you made causes you to end up with the Darkling wounded in your cottage. Time passes as you both become closer while you nurse him back to health. When it is time for him to return to the Little Palace, you go with him, which puts you on the track of a new part of your life.
Read to Me in the Morning
summary: A rare morning arises where you have the general all to yourself with the chance to remain hidden in between the sheets until the sun set again.
A Secret Garden miniseries
summary: You were forced to stay in the garden that your mother, Demeter, made for you. A mysterious god soon enters without her knowledge and the secret love that you both share becomes something that you no longer want to hide.
A Heart Covered in Thrones
summary: Aleksander went by many names once he created the Fold with his magic and Maleficent was one of them. He cast a spell on your future that he would come to regret when you try to rid the world of the Unsea with your light.
To Be Pretty, Powerful, and Important
summary: All you have ever wanted was to matter. In secret, the general made you feel like it, but it was never genuine. You watched from a distance as Alina Starkov got everything you had ever wanted.
Pencil Case
summary: You and Aleksander are unaware that your pining is mutual, that leaves an opportunity for a lot of situations to transpire in Os Alta’s best postsecondary educational institution”
Care
summary: You’re locked in your room when you refuse to participate in the Darkling’s plans to “change the world.
KAZ BREKKER
Two Faced
summary: The life you led seemed to be what was keeping you from Kaz but he is not sure if it is intentional and by your own malicious doing.
Hover
summary: After being in a relationship with Kaz for a long period of time, he decided to do something he had been anticipating trying for weeks.
If This Was a Movie...
summary: Kaz’s actions sometimes have you feeling like you were the last name on his list, but he is the kind to not even notice sometimes.
MALYEN ORETSEV
The Habit of Forgetting
summary: You struggle to believe that someone like Mal could love you so you make an effort to not get your expectations high.
Golden Cages series
summary: You have lived isolated from the outside world in a forest for a large portion of your life. One day, a mistake you made causes you to end up with the Darkling wounded in your cottage. Time passes as you both become closer while you nurse him back to health. When it is time for him to return to the Little Palace, you go with him, which puts you on the track of a new part of your life.
Care
summary: You’re locked in your room when you refuse to participate in the Darkling’s plans to “change the world.”
Theory that the Darkling actually really was in love with Alina and he let himself desire her because he believed she was destined to be his equal and he didn’t want to kill the stag he was originally going to get Alina to do it and she would own the collar herself but when she kept choosing Mal over him he was hurt and then angry and lashed out in unhealthy ways. And that Baghra was wrong and he wasn’t going to make her into a slave she just thought so because she thought she knew her son would do that and she didn’t realize the Darkling was actually trying to be better because he thought he found his equal in life and could finally not be alone like Baghra taught him he was, but Baghra didn’t know he was capable of changing like that and that’s how she decided to get Alina to run and the reason the Darkling was such a “good actor” to Alina was because he wasn’t acting and because of Baghra Alina thought he was.
Blood Moon summary: Lena (pronounced as Le-na, not Leena) is a renounced witch, a grisha feared. Aleksander goes by many names, not many of which ring true. The pair is similar in more ways than one, but also as different as can be. One seeks power, another fears what the hunger might cost them both, however there is something about the darkness that invited them both. They meet in the middle, where the world collides.
Important info: this takes place before the shadow and bone/six of crows, before there even is a shadow fold, and there isnt that much information about grishaverse in those times (note i havent looked much outside what books provide) i am taking a lot of creative freedom with it!
enjoy!
Lena wasn‘t sure how she ended up here, but she knew better than to ask questions. Aleksander, as she knew him, was a kind man. To her. Or maybe she was just one more foolish girl to him, whichever it was, he had accepted her for who she was.
A blood witch, many called her. All across Ravka and even beyond. They both had extraordinary talents, but for whatever reason, Aleksander was more accepted than her. Or, as accepted as grisha could be in these times. However, Lena remembered making the King himself kneel before her, then downing his entire army to do the same.
The power she felt, the name she earned. She used to wear lifeless colours, blending in, but she wore deepest of reds now, which seemed to be more fitting. It matched Aleksanders black attire quite nicely.
She counted herself lucky to even know him by that name, as he would never use it nowadays. He was known as something else, a shadow just passing through.
Aleksander was looking at the girl now, remembering his own mother, who once pretended to go by that name too – just like Lena did now. To him, she was Telyna, but for many reasons she didn’t like sharing, she despised that name.
Telyna was who she was before she became worthy of being a blood witch, it was a time of drowning and fear and pain. She broke through, but it cost her greatly, sometimes she wondered if it cost her humanity herself.
Aleksander liked that about her, as she stood there, glowing and graceful, radiating the power she had within. He saw the army kneel against their will. The world could be theirs, as they knew it.
But he needed to get stronger, to be worthy to stand next to her.
Lena looked at the man as shadows danced around them and he caught her gaze, smirking. The shadow extended, and she couldn’t see the light anymore.
“Impressive.” She said lazily, rubbing her hands on her cloak.
“Not enough to take down an entire army.” He said, letting the shadows drop – sunlight returned making Lena cover her eyes.
“No, I’m afraid not.” She agreed as he came to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. She felt the surge of power rush through her, as a reminder that he is an amplifier. Her mind for a second thought about what she could be is she bore his bones permanently, but she chased the thought away.
“Together we could-“
“Have the Ravka, Shu Han, Fjerda. Our reach might take Ketterdam and the whole world.” She finished as Aleksander just grinned.
She glanced at him and he involuntarily stepped back. His face grew tense but there was playfulness behind his eyes.
“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do that.” She let him go, dropping herself to the grass and staring at the surrounding area. They were in an opening in a forest north of Ravka, close to the border.
“I thought we agreed not to discuss your plans to take over the world, Aleksander.” He pressed his lips tightly. This was a discussion neither of them really enjoyed.
“You almost took down the king.” Lena shot him a glance, sending him to his knees. He grunted but remained silent.
“It was for his treatment of grisha. Now he may never forget that if we wished to, we could destroy him and all he stands for.” Her voice trembled in anger. “That was his final warning.”
“Until he hurts another grisha.” Lena looked at Aleksander, who was still on his knees, staring at her. Shadows seeped out of him, seemingly not out of his will. She looked away.
“Then I will have him bring me his own head.” She said through her teeth. The woman couldn’t see Aleksander grin, as if he was twisting up a plan.
She only heard grass move and they were surrounded by darkness again. Even in it, she could see Aleksanders face change, as his shoulder relaxed, his skin began to glow. He looked better the further the darkness reached, and Lena wondered, what was happening to his soul in these moments.
Was he letting the darkness out, hence the glow, or was he letting it in, nest inside of him tainting all there is, eating him from inside out.
Lena has met Baghra once, even if she has been acquainted with Aleksander for some years now. The woman looked at her son with so much love, the girl felt herself grow jealous, even if just a little. But there was something behind her eyes there too, and only weeks later Lena had realized it was fear.
At first, she thought that it was for him, but perhaps it was for the world. Aleksander seemed to grow more and more power hungry every day he spent traveling across Ravka with her. They had no goals. After their visit to the royal court, they were both, hunted and feared.
But neither of those things really gave them power. And Aleksander wanted power.
Lena was scared to let him too close. To drink up his darkness, out of fear for becoming more like him, for wanting the world. She hated herself for what she did at court, yet she felt ecstatic about it too – using her power to it’s full potential. The fear in their faces.
She couldn’t see her cloak anymore, but the dark red was getting in her skin like permanent ink. She was owning the blood witch status. She loved being a scary story kids, to otkazat’sya. She was legend, she was seen and feared.
She hated how it made her feel. But she loved it too. She understood Aleksander better than anyone.
The sun reached her again as the man looked at her, gracing her with a full-toothed smile.
“That was better.” For a moment, he looked like a child. They never discussed their true age, but in the many lifetimes they are yet to have, perhaps they were just kids now. Two small children playing with fire they might not be able to contain.
“It was.” She said, against her better judgement.
There was a steam nearby. She felt the water as she was a Tidemaker, a name that seemed to stick to those of Small Magic who learnt how to manipulate water. She couldn’t see it behind the trees, but her lips twitched as the tried to hold back a grin.
She lifted her arm, twisting it a little, and then flicking it. Water rushed from its source, soaking Aleksander who seemed to be struck by it unexpectedly. He was staring at her in disbelief as she allowed the water to fully drop, her laugh echoing across the forest.
“You should see your face.” She was bent over with laughter, but she still could see Aleksander biting back a smile too, until he burst out laughing. Lena knew he must be freezing though, so she did her best to get water off of him and his clothes once they had finished laughing.
They set camp then, sitting close by the fire. There was a comfortable silence between then as it seemed they have had all of the conversations through the years. Lena still felt herself yearn to hear him speak, tell a story of his earlier life, but he didn’t have many happy ones.
Nor did she.
“Do you think there is more people like us?” She asked, curiously, watching the embers in the fire.
“There aren’t anybody else like us.” Aleksander was looking at the girl, so she met his dark eyes. “And there never will be.”
“What makes you say that?” Lena asked as Aleksander smirked, closing his eyes and leaning in. Her heart skipped a beat as the girl shut her own eyes, but the man simply landed his forehead on hers.
“You and me, we are going to change the world.”
********************************************
A/N: Hey, hey, so, I am kinda back? Idk if I will be writing Y/N fics (tho I do plan to do it) Ive had this idea of Darkling [kinda] fic for awhile, and i have it started on AO3 HOWEVER, the story there takes place in Grishaverse as we know it, aka, around Shadow and Bone trilogy era, whereas what I am sharing here is the backstory of Lena and Darkling, so I hope y’all enjoyed?? Let me know what u think, anonymous feedback can be left on my ask page. This part is short and they all might be, so i can get them out faster, that is if you actually like it?
A/N: First of all, Huuuuuuuge shout-out to @ramadiiiisme for helping me out with the bones of this fic. You really have been my Lucky Charm this period and I can't thank you enough.
Secondly: this is a gift fic for @mikeisthricedeceased for the Secret Santa Fic Exchange hosted by @the-purity-pen and @flightlessangelwings!
Pairing: Darkling x GN!Reader
Warnings: vague discriptions of gun violence, someone being stitched up, mentions of blood, needle and thread stitches, there was only one bed, huddling for warmth, ambigious ending
Word Count: 1574
When exactly it had all gone wrong you didn't know. One moment the white powdered world around you had been magically quiet, the next you and the General were running for your lives, dodging bullets left and right.
Normally you would have no problem with taking the offenders out, but they were with too many for the two of you to handle alone.
Whether it was luck or a trap, you didn't know as you spotted a cabin hidden between the trees and foilage, the sounds of gunfire and the whispers of bullets zipping past, fading the closer you got.
Neither of you seemed to overthink the sudden blessing as you ducked into the empty cabin, the door slamming shut as your heart beat frantically in your ribcage. The realisation that you were either trapped or saved slowly settling in your mind now that you weren't focussed on dodging bullets anymore.
It was nearly impossible to hear if your persuers were closing in on you over the heavy rushing of blood in your ears, but eventually, the last of shouts seemed to die down as you heard orders being given about returning to camp.
It was only then that you turned back to your general, who had shed his Kefta and was quietly cursing as he inspected, what seemed to be a bullet wound. Picking at the pieces of fabric that had gotten into the wound.
And on a second look you notice the place where he has gotten shot.
His guts.
You feel the blood drain from your face as the realisation hits you and as by instinct, you moved from your place at the door to look for a first aid kit.
Surprisingly, the kit you manage to find is mostly complete, the only things missing being a set of small plaster bandages and a pair of scissors, but you know you don't need them as you put the kit on the single table the cabin possessed.
Putting the necessary equipment on the table, you feel the general's gaze on you and you momentarily stop what you're doing to look at him.
"What?"
"You know your way around a first aid kit?"
"Kind of a requirement where I come from. Basically grew up with it, so..." You gesture at him in the hoping he understands what you're planning as you put the final items on the table whilst kicking one of the chairs out in a fluid motion.
"If you wanted me to get naked all you had to do was ask," he chuckles and you can feel your face heat up as butterflies erupt in your stomach and you wathc the chair as it dances for a few moments, almost afraid it was going to tople over until it finally settles with a few decisive bangs on the wooden floor.
"And here I thought our general was above such things," you said as you poured some rubbing alcohol onto a cotton swab.
There came a chuckle from him, but you barely paid attention to it as you focussed on the wound, trying your hardest not to be distracted by the fact that he was closer to you than he had ever been as you picked up the set of long tweezers to remove the bullet.
Much to your relief, the projectile never went far enough to create any life threatening injuries and was removed fairly easily as you quickly pressed the alcohol soaked swab on it to both stop the bleeding and disinfect the wound, making him hiss in pain above you.
You muttered a quiet apology, removing the excess blood around the wound and pressing a clean bit of cotton against the wound until it stopped bleeding enough that you could stitch it.
Once you were finished patching him up, you packed the unused parts of the kit into their designated pockets and put it back where you found it, somewhere expecting the general to put his clothes back on.
So when you turned back up to see what else the cabin had to offer, your eyes were drawn to his still naked chest and with no task to distract you, you found it much more difficult to keep your eyes off him.
His chest was littered with faded scars of battles long past and you found yourself wondering what it would be like to feel them under your fingertips. It also didn't help that his chest was far more toned than you first noticed when you were stitching him up, as you quickly made your way to the fireplace, hoping to find enough wood to keep you both warm through the night.
A silent slew of curses left you as you went looking for anything else that you could afford to burn, but to no avail.
What there was however, and you didn't want to admit was appealing to you, was a bed a and a pile of thick hides.
It almost seemed surreal. This was a scenario straight out of the little romance novels you always secretly read in the library when you were little, not something that was actually happening to you. Right?
And yet there it was. The opportunity to be even closer with him than a few minutes ago presenting itself like low hanging fruit.
"What is going on in that pretty head of yours?"
"Nothing I want to be a part of currently."
"Care to share then?"
You raised your eyebrows at that. “...No..."
The absurdity of the situation still didn't seem to settle in your mind. That it couldn't be real, you were dreaming and any moment you could wake up alone, in your own bed. Safe at the Little Palace.
It had barely been an hour after the sun had fully disappeared behind the horizon and the first stars had started to show in the sky that you felt like you were freezing, despite your best efforts to keep yourself warm whilst also pointedly ignoring the gaze of the man you'd stitched up a some hours ago.
It had started not long after he'd gotten under the hides but you couldn't figure out why he kept staring at you, and if you were honest with yourself, you didn't know if you wanted him to stop or not.
"You really are more stubborn than you look huh?"
Your head snapped over to where the general had sat up, still only occupying part of the hides.
"I'll survive."
"You're freezing."
There was an authorative tone to his voice, as if he just gave you an order rather than assessing your state of being. Your muscles moved to get you up, but you stopped yourself. There was no way you'd get that chance, you refused to believe it.
"Do you find pleasure in pointing out the obvious?"
You blew the somewhat warm breath you could get out of your lungs into your freezing hands as you frantically rubbed them together in the hope that you wouldn't lose your fingers, before sticking them back under your armpits. But it was of precious little help.
There was a sigh from him as you stubbornly remained in your place, curling impossibly further up into yourself as you tried you best to preserve what little body heat you still had.
"Take of your clothes."
The absurdity of the order was barely registered by your conciousness as your eyes might as well have fallen out of their sockets because of how much his words shocked you.
"Have you gone mad? If I do that I will absolutely die."
"Do I really have to spell it out for you? Or are you just to stubborn for your own good?"
His voice sounded more annoyed than you had expected and you instantly felt guilty for not getting the hint.
Or rather, a hint that you had thought was not meant for you. As if there had been someone else in the room with you and you began pulling cords and buttons to release the the fabric confines from your body until you were left in your under clothes, which were a near sheer shirt and a pair of knickers and you could feel the little warmth you still had leave your body as you finally got under the hides.
In contrast, you could feel the heat radiating off of the man next to you, who draped, with some difficulty, the biggest hide over the both of you, the heat coming off from him now trapped between the two of you.
Once you were no longer shivering because of how cold you were, you dared yourself to start to doze off, the risk of not being able to wake up now far away enough in your mind and instinctively, you moved closer to the man next to you, your mind too hazy to think of anything but the warmth he was providing and the sleep that was waiting for you, just around the corner of your mind but the general had other plans.
"Not yet, malen'kiy. You're still too cold,” he said, rocking you gently, trying to keep you awake, but your mind had already started to doze off with no intentions of coming back to the surface anytime soon.
The only thing you registered before you fell into a deep sleep, was the presence of a warm body pressing itself against yours and a voice silently begging for you to survive...
summary: For most of your life, you lived in the garden that your mother, Demeter, created for you. You never left it until Aleksander, the god of the Underworld, took you away upon your request. In your absence, the crops of the human world began to fail because of your mother’s despair.
An unplanned groan poured from your lips like sweet honey, and it dripped into his ears. Your grip on his silk shirt tightened, and he felt your fingernails grazed against his chest, and that only tempted him to dive in further. He ran his bottom lip up from your chest to your shoulder and your breathing got shallower as your body gave off small shakes. He traveled until he reached your shoulder then massage your skin with his mouth. You let out another similar sound that encouraged his behavior, so he did not stop until he felt he would see an oil painting of bruises on your skin the next day.
...
“S-sweetheart,” he said.
“Yes?” You pulled back.
“Are you certain you want to go further?” You feverishly nodded at his question. He shook his and chuckled at how big your eyes had gotten. “I need you to say it out loud,” he whispered in your mouth.
Two lips hovered over each other in a greenhouse until one of them said, “Yes. Yes, please.”
You and the general having to share one bed in this pub and oh what happens hmm? 👀
*slams hands on the table* and there was oNLY ONE BED!
Warnings: none, just heavy pining
Word count: 1856
Part of you was in hysterics about the situation, wanted to laugh about it until you could barely breathe while the other part of you was absolutely terrified.
Out of all the people to land in a scene that could have been straight out of a romance novel, it was you and the infamous Ravkan general.
Your heart was probably beating loud enough that every heartrender in the nearby perimiter could hear it as you dropped your traveling bag a little louder than you wanted to, drawing his attention, which up until that point you had managed to keep from yourself for the most part, save for the moment at the bar where you’d found out there were not enough rooms to house all six of you comfortably.
It wasn’t that you didn’t like it, but everytime he looked at you, you felt like every nerve ending had suddenly been set on fire and you muttered a quick apology before plucking your night shifts out of your bag and moved to the small but closed off washing area.
At least here you couldn’t feel his heavy gaze as you slowly relaxed and stripped out of your day wear and put the comfortable fabric over your limbs. It wasn’t fashionable in any way, but it kept you warm during the night.
Behind the curtain you could hear him shuffling around and the dry sigh of the fabric from his Kefta told you he was changing as well, and you decided to wait a little until the commotion died down enough for you to be confident that he was done, not accidentally wanting to see him naked and poked your head around the curtain to see if your suspicions were correct.
What you were not expecting to see was the fact that he had forgone the need for a shirt and had his back turned to you as he looked out of the window, which you were glad about as you felt a blush creep up your cheeks and quickly retreated behind the curtain again.
Your heart was certainly loud enough now that Ivan and Fedyor, the two heartrenders in your company, could almost definitely hear it and you wouldn’t put it above Ivan to come in and complain that you needed to keep your heart beat down so he could sleep.
Sunken away in your thoughts, you opened the tap above the small sink and let the water run as you splashed your face with it. The cold water felt nice against your heated skin and slowly, you could feel your heart come back to its normal pace.
Eyes now heavy with sleep, you turned off the tap and yawned as you pushed the curtain aside to get comfortable somewhere, completely forgetting the fact that you had seen the general half naked just a few minutes ago, but as you looked around the room, he was nowhere to be found.
Deciding it would be rude to take the only bed in the room, you plucked the few cushions from the two seats in the room and made yourself as comfortable as possible and hoped you would be asleep before he came back, saving you the discussion over who would take the floor that night.
-
You weren’t sure how late it was when you woke up.
The silvery slivers that came through the blinds told you it was still night, but you wouldn’t be able to tell the time even if your life depended on it.
The warmth around you slowly settled in your reality as your mind became more aware of its surroundings, little by little.
First came the pleasant weight of a blanket and the softness of the fabric, then the weight of something else draped over your middle. It was heavy, but not unpleasantly. There was a heavy, steady breath near the nape of your neck and when you moved a little, trying to take in more of your surroundings, you could feel the soft tickling of a beard on your shoulder.
Whether the realisation had hit you as slow as you had woken up or faster than a manipulated wind current from a Squaller, you didn’t know, but once the knowledge had set in, your mind began to race. Like it always did when you were near him.
Why he had disappeared before you went to sleep or how you had ended up next to him in the small bed the room possessed, you had no idea, though you could only guess that he had seen you asleep in the corner and had taken you to bed with him, for a reason only the Saints could ever reveal to you.
Breathing in deeply, you tried to calm your mind. There were still a good few hours left before the sun would come up and you’d have to leave, but there seemed no calming it, no matter how much you focussed on your breath.
Shifting a little under the heavy weight that laid over your waist, you managed to find a position that was more comfortable to be awake in as your eyes moved around the room, scanning the dark silhouttes that clung to the floor and walls.
“Comfortable?”
You tensed involutarily at the sound of his voice behind you as you tried to figure out what had woken him. You were fairly certain you had been as quiet and still as you could, save for the small change in your position just now, unless he had been awake before you’d woken up.
Was more before I knew you were awake, you thought to yourself as the familiar burn began to settle over your body, even more noticable now in the places where your bodies touched each other, and you thought you might burn a hole into the bed right there and accidentally set the establishment on fire.
You shifted again, but this time he lifted his arm to give you more room to move. If he had been awake before you first moved your position, he had done a terrific job at keeping you in the dark about it.
“Yeah, comfortable,” you said as you let out a breath that sagged your whole body, leaning completely against him as you let your head sink back into the cushion it had been laying on, but you doubted you would be falling back into sleep any time soon.
Words were weighing heavily on your tongue, though you could not give them shape as you became acutely aware of the silence in the room. A silence that was comfortable, but you didn’t want it to be there. You wanted to talk. To hear the voice of the man behind you.
You wanted to talk to him, but you didn’t know where to start.
Your breath was slow but steady as you stared at what you assumed was the curtain to the washing area and you pondered over the things you wanted to say.
One part of you wanted to make simple small talk, hear each others voices until one of you fell asleep first, the other wanted to cut to the chase. To confess your feelings for him right here in this moment of clear vunerability and as you debated and weighed your options, the urge to turn to your other side began to rise as well when you felt the shoulder you were laying on get uncomfortable.
It was already a miracle in and of itself that he had managed to get you both into the small bed and you were convinced that if you tried going flat on your back that you would accidentally push him off, which left completely turning around as your only option. Besides of course continueing the discomfort in your shoulder, but your decision was quickly made as the discomfort began to turn into pain and wordlessly you turned around in his arms and settled into the matrass again.
When your nose brushed against the naked skin of his shoulder, you could swear everything in the world had stopped. From your heart to your thoughts to the passage of time itself.
The bastard was still half naked.
As you regained your ability to breathe, your thoughts slowly came back to you, racing through your head though they all seemed to consist of a single word.
Fuck.
You didn’t know where to keep your hands as your thoughts raced on, but it seemed best to keep them where they were, on your own chest while the burning feeling in your body seemed to reach its high.
“Something on your mind?” he asked, and you swore you could hear a smile in his words.
You, you thought. You have been the only thing on my damn mind since I woke up and if you say one more word I am probably going to combust. But despite that thought, you answered him anyway.
“Everything… and nothing at the same time.”
He hummed at your response, though you could not find any judgement and a question passed your lips.
“Anything on yours?”
“Not in particular.”
He trailed his fingers up and down along the length of your spine and for some Saintforsaken reason, the feeling helped you relax.
Silence fell over the room once again and again, you wanted to lift it. Hear his voice and hear your own talking to his.
His ministrations moved from your spine over your shoulder, to your arm, drawing patterns that seemed senseless to you, but you enjoyed the feeling and it compelled you to put at least one hand on him as well, though you didn’t exactly know why.
The feel of his skin under your fingertips sent a strange sensation through your body, one that cooled the burning heat you had felt from his touch and kept it to a pleasant, fuzzy warmth and your fingers began, without thinking, mimicking the movements of the ones that were trailing your arm and soon enough, you could feel your mind drift back towards the realm of sleep.
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” you murmured, not awake enough to think of the repercussions your words could have, memorising the feel of his skin.
“Too bad the night will disappear…” you heard him reply above you and you smiled.
“Yeah, too bad…”
You memorised his skin for long moments after that, hoping to remember every little detail, every little bump or dip you could feel until your fingers lost their path from how close you were to falling back into dreams and you moved a little closer to him, hoping you would wake up like this, that none of it had been a dream.
You could hear words coming from your mouth, but you didn’t know what they meant as your mind began to drift back into sleep once more and your head dipped forward to lay against his chest, inhaling his scent and you could swear you heard an answer from him, but you were gone before you could figure them out, surely dreaming of the press of his lips on the crown of your head.
