#darksiders funny

[hannah-the-red-head]

TRAUMATIZED

Death: Little one, explain to me why you are acting strange as of late- Hannah: I don’t want to talk about it! It’s better if I kept it a secret so no one else feels the way I do. Death: I have faced many horrors that would paint Lucifer’s darkest nightmares haunted, so trust that I give you my word that whatever it is, I will not be so easily- Hannah: I saw Lilith and Samael having sex. Death:

Later… Strife: So, did you ever find out what was bothering the ki- Death: WE WILL NOT SPEAK OF IT!

[granddaughterogg]

D O Y O U H A V E T I G H T N U T S ?

This is the original WD-40 ad, issued back in the forties when it has been introduced to the market.

No one can convince me that the Horsemen haven’t been to Earth around this time, or that Strife DIDN’T slide this leaflet under Death’s door.

I mean...how could he not?

[hannah-the-red-head]

Strife: Hey brother, are you homophobic?

Death: *frustrated sigh*

Death: Number One, You are dating a gay man.

Death: Number two, Fury is a lesbian.

Death: And number three, I watch RuPaul's Drag race. How can I be homophobic, idiot?!

[hannah-the-red-head]

Hannah: *walking into the kitchen* Hey War, where's the plunger-?

Mauga: *eating a sandwich*

Hannah: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Mauga: I LIVE HERE!

Hannah: NO, YOU DON'T!

Mauga: YES, I DO!

Hannah: *loading the shotgun* NO! YOU DON'T!

[hannah-the-red-head]

Hannah: War, you are my best friend!

War: Agreed.

Hannah: *loading a shotgun* Which means if you dying, I'm dying wit you!

War: Wait-

Hannah: *jumps headfirst into a horde of demons* BONZAAAAIIII!!!!!

War: *sprinting after her* NO!

[hannah-the-red-head]

Strife: Hey bro, I’ve got the perfect A— War: No. Strife: But you didn’t even hear what I had to say! War: I do not care. No. Strife: Why not?! War: *points to a plaque affixed to the Wall* It has been 27 days since our last “screw-up”. Three more days and Hannah will bake a cake. War: *grabs Strife by his scarf, bringing him closer* And I want that cake.

[hannah-the-red-head]

War (Disguised as Warren): *high pitched shrieking* I'M BREAKING THE WINDOW!

Receptionist: 911 what's your emergency?

Strife (disguised as Jones): Hello! We accidentally locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!

War: *charging at the car, carrying a trash can* I SWEAR TO THE CREATOR I'M GOING TO BREAK IT!!

Strife: YOU'LL GET GLASS ON HER!

Receptionist: Sir, please tell your wife to remain calm.

Strife: That's a man. And my brother!

Receptionist: Oh! Really?

[hannah-the-red-head]

Darksiders Actor AU Pt. 1

Hannah: *recording on her phone in set* He’s been up there for the last hour...

Hannah: *pans camera towards the green screen*

Strife: *hanging from a busted harness in full armor costume* I’M MARY POPPINS Y’ALL!

Death: *in the background* YOU’RE A DRAMA QUEEN, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE!

Hannah: *dying from laughter*