#darnedchild rambles

[darnedchild]

My therapist got into -his- feels at today's session and started getting teary-eyed and wibbly voiced and it was like staring at one of those paintings of a wide-eyed sad puppy who just wants you to pet their ears and give them treats and call them good boy.

But not in a weird fetish way. (Weird for me, not weird in general. YKINMK and that's ok.)

So now I can't dump him as a therapist this week because I'd feel super guilty and would be picturing

the entire time.

[darnedchild]

I am not sure I am connecting with my new therapist. And by "I'm not sure" I mean I absolutely am not; but the people pleaser in me keeps trying to make excuses for him and taking the blame upon myself.

Apparently "the world is a dumpster fire in general and makes me upset in ways I can not specifically articulate" is not an adequate explination for why the news gives me A Sad.

My old therapist would understand. Then she would ask to see more pictures of my vacation to the Mothman Festival in WV or that time my husband drove me to PA so I could visit the mall where they filmed Dawn of the Dead and then chase down her kitten so I could see his adorable spotted tummy.

New guy has spent the last five sessions talking about the concepts HE prefers to focus on during therapy sessions and doing that thing were he is already planning what he's going to say in response to me without actually listening to what I'm saying.

Like, he'll send me a power point about the dorsal vagus(?) blah blah whatever with twelve letter words and when I break it down into normal people speak, he says yes and immediately tells me exactly what I said but in grad student trying to pad out a college thesis language.

I actually defended him to my mental health patient advocate last week and said "I don't want him to feel bad if I ask to see someone else because I know he's in therapy as well and I don't want to contribute to his abandonment issues."

Y'all, he said something about feeling guilty he wasn't there for a friend more (in relation to something I'd mentioned, not just randomly out of the blue) and I switched into Mom mode and spent five minutes reassuring him that self care is important and sometimes that means stepping back. I'm pretty sure I should have gotten a discount on the fee for that session.

Anywho - my mental health care has been subpar of late and the world is, in fact, a dumpster fire; so I have checked out from pretty much everything for the last few months. I am sorry I've been MIA and I miss interacting with my virtual peeps.

[darnedchild]

When you finally get a chance to binge watch three seasons of Bridgerton and your spouse pops in with his laptop to hang out with you for a bit and then five episodes in you realize he's not even trying to pretend he's playing WoW anymore and is fully invested in whether or not Daphne and Simon are able to get their heads out of their asses.

Then he spends the next day discussing whether or not season two Anthony had learned anything from how poorly he'd handled his relationship with Sierra in season one. (No. No he did not.)

And then, after you've finished watching everything, he gives you an in-depth analysis of why season three is the best one (totally agree), asks what you know about what happens to the characters in the books, and you both try to guess what characters will be featured in season four.

And also you both yell "tushy" every time you see someone's naked butt. Because you are both hella immature.

[darnedchild]

Had a panic attack so bad my husband came home from work to hold me while my therapist got on a zoom call to calm me down and do breathing exercises and hold ice cubes AND as a special treat I got to have an ativan and a nap.

Yay. Fun times. Fun times.

[darnedchild]

How old were you the first time you were allowed to stay home by yourself for a few hours?

9 or under

10 to 12

13 to 15

16 or older

I've never been allowed to stay home alone because I am a menace to society

Voting ended onMar 7, 2024

[darnedchild]

I was reminding my husband that we need to find a place to live, move, and get an address established before school starts in August because I am NOT sending our son to the middle schools he's currently zoned for.

And my son's answer?

"You could homeschool me."

"Sweetie, I love you so much, please don't take this the wrong way; but I would rather stab myself in the ear with a fork, repeatedly, than homeschool again. I still have nightmares from the two years during COVID."

"I had fun then!"

"I ... did not."

[darnedchild]

Has anyone else ever seen a series called "Blackpool" with David Tennant?

[darnedchild]

It's Halloween. Also known as the night my husband has to break out my anxiety meds just so I can hand out candy while he's out with the Demon Spawn without having a panic attack and curling up in my closet with sensory overload.

I love the IDEA of Halloween and costumes and candy and scary movies. But I dread the interacting with people and loud noises and talking and eye contact making part. But someone has to do it while my husband is supervising the Demon Spawn, and that someone is, apparently, me.