#dating discourse

[mynodon]

I occasionally see men describe an experience where they missed some painfully-obvious signal from a woman that was into them. For example, the most recent account I saw was about a woman offering to show a man her nipple piercings in private, and then doing so, at which point the man complimented them and left. The man only realised it was a come-on a month later.

It makes me feel really weird, because on one hand I've never had an experience like that, so I like to think I wouldn't actually miss the hints... but I've also never had an experience like that, so maybe I'm just fundamentally unattractive and going to spend my life alone.

[yassifiedgollum]

Re: this another sinister effect of norms where women aren't allowed to express interest in men is that it becomes an effective strategy for men to just avoid asking altogether, because if you ask you'll definitely get a no, and then you might be expected to listen to it. At best this leads to elaborate games where people try to suss each other out without admitting what they're doing (fun for some, exhausting for others), and at worst it leads to, well, rape.

[wiseguynephile]

people will see posts like this

and then wonder why I assume that people may experience my attraction to them as an act of violation

You can say that they shouldn't experience it that way, but I can't affect that part! I can only affect whether they feel violated by me or not! So yeah, I feel obligated to choose "not!"

[bricedavismedia]

Cam Newton Asked a Simple Question… and the Silence Said Everything

Cam Newton asked Natalie Nunn to take money out of the equation and explain what actually makes a man want a “baddie.”

What followed wasn’t a clear answer — it was a pause, a pivot, and a return to popularity and clout.

That moment exposed a bigger disconnect between how men and women often define value in dating, especially in the age of social media.

A lot of conversations treat visibility as value. Followers, likes, and status get framed as proof of desirability. But when it comes to long-term attraction, many men don’t weigh those traits the way people assume they do.

That’s what this breakdown explores:

Why popularity doesn’t automatically equal attraction

How men vs women often prioritize different traits

The tension between “baddie culture” and long-term relationships

Why being low-key can matter more than being visible

So here’s the real question:

Do men actually care about clout and followers — or is that mostly a myth?

If you had to choose: 200 followers or 200,000? Which one matters to you, and why?

🎥 Full breakdown by Brice Davis: https://youtu.be/BOa_gl84ego

[straightfromdachair]

Cam Newton Asked a Simple Question… and the Silence Said Everything

Cam Newton asked Natalie Nunn to take money out of the equation and explain what actually makes a man want a “baddie.”

What followed wasn’t a clear answer — it was a pause, a pivot, and a return to popularity and clout.

That moment exposed a bigger disconnect between how men and women often define value in dating, especially in the age of social media.

A lot of conversations treat visibility as value. Followers, likes, and status get framed as proof of desirability. But when it comes to long-term attraction, many men don’t weigh those traits the way people assume they do.

That’s what this breakdown explores:

Why popularity doesn’t automatically equal attraction

How men vs women often prioritize different traits

The tension between “baddie culture” and long-term relationships

Why being low-key can matter more than being visible

So here’s the real question:

Do men actually care about clout and followers — or is that mostly a myth?

If you had to choose: 200 followers or 200,000? Which one matters to you, and why?

🎥 Full breakdown by Brice Davis: https://youtu.be/BOa_gl84ego

[ctrlgrlblog]

🔥 Why Men Come Back After You Leave

(Because “I miss you” is not a redemption arc.)

Let’s get something straight before we start romanticizing nonsense:

Men do not come back because they suddenly “realized your worth.” They come back because something they were benefiting from is no longer available.

That’s it. That’s the tweet. Now let’s break it down.

1. Because you closed the 24/7 access pipeline

When you were around, he had:

emotional support on demand

validation

sex or sexual access

someone to text when bored

someone to fall back on

When you left, that pipeline shut down.

CTRLGRL logic: Men respond to consequences, not conversations. Men don’t miss women — they miss benefits.

Once access disappears, suddenly he’s “reflecting.”

2. Because the replacements were not what he thought

Men always think:

the next girl will be easier

more chill

less demanding

lower standards

Then reality hits:

she wants commitment

she doesn’t tolerate nonsense

she leaves faster

or she’s using HIM

Now he’s nostalgic.

Not because you were special — but because you were available.

3. Because his ego took a hit

Men hate rejection — especially when it’s quiet and final.

You leaving without:

begging

crying

threatening

chasing

does damage.

So he comes back to check:

“Do I still have access to her?”

Not to commit. To restore ego.

4. Because you stopped overgiving

The version of you who:

stopped checking in

stopped fixing

stopped accommodating

stopped being endlessly patient

is FAR more attractive than the version who stayed.

CTRLGRL rule: Men value what becomes scarce.

5. Because silence forces accountability

When you were there, he was distracted. When you left, the silence got loud.

Now he has to sit with:

his choices

his delays

his indecision

So he reaches out.

6. Because other women didn’t baby him

You understood him. You were patient. You gave chances.

Other women? They did not.

So he circles back to the woman who made life comfortable.

That doesn’t mean love. That means convenience.

7. Because he thinks you’ll fold

Most men come back assuming:

you still care

you’ll hear him out

you’ll give him another chance

They come back with:

nostalgia

vague apologies

“I’ve been thinking”

But no plan. No clarity. No change.

CTRLGRL logic: Apologies without behavior change are manipulation.

8. Because loss feels different than absence

Men don’t feel loss until it’s final.

Distance makes you:

more valuable

more mysterious

less accessible

Now suddenly he’s ready to “talk.”

Too late.

FINAL TRUTH

Men come back when:

access is removed

comfort disappears

ego is bruised

options dry up

Not because they evolved overnight.

CTRLGRL says: Never let a man come back just to waste more of your time.Judge a man by results, not emotions.

And your homegirl says: If he didn’t choose you when he had you, don’t let him return when he’s bored.

[wiseguynephile]

I think waiting your turn at 4-way stops is a lot like the classic grocery cart return test. Waiting your turn is an incredibly basic thing we all learn in kindergarten; it costs you seconds, helps everyone get through faster overall, and makes everyone safer besides. If you don't even do that as soon as you have the anonymity of a car, that really does say something about you.

Some people totally blow through a stop, but there's a step down from that, where they start edging forward, because they know it's not their turn, but they're trying to see if you'll stop them. They know that if they get pushy, some people will just let them go.

If you know where the boundaries are, then testing and probing them and expecting people to assert and defend their own boundaries is bad! Yes, sometimes people will let you get away with it, even praise it. But it only works by running roughshod over the other people who just don't have the anger and bravery to call you on it.

Which is why it's buck wild that "everyone is responsible for defending their own boundaries, and someone probing the edges of them is Assertive and Confident" is a norm in other parts of life. Unbearable behavior. You shouldn't be testing other people's boundaries so that they have to assert and defend them. You should be defending other people's boundaries, and trusting them to look after yours.

[northern-punk-lad]

When it comes to dating if it’s something you yourself would not do it’s not the bare minimum