#datingiscomedy

[datingiscomedy]

My patience juice is wearing off.

[datingiscomedy]

How to ruin a fucking evening...

Guys, maybe DON’T invite a girl over for sex, then after the fun’s over, explain that your doctor just put you on antibiotics that morning. And that you didn’t take them yet.

I just got home and packed my mouth with emergen-c powder.

And another thing, motherfucker: don’t make me watch skateboarding videos immediately following the act, or talk about your goddamn guitars for 30 minutes, or get pissed when I ask for a ride home.

In hindsight, I wish I had left a vicious shit in his toilet…

[datingiscomedy]

I'm TOTALLY ok with not being a gay dude on an internet enabled device.

Not to say that ladies got it easy...but shit. 

[datingiscomedy]

We spent the entire evening self-medicating with matzo ball soup and tindering. Here’s a couple jems.

"Midhad is a sloppy kisser.” “Sorry about Midhad-y issues.” “Is Midhad into BDSM?”

[datingiscomedy]

Yep, I'm still the worst.

[datingiscomedy]

So in the rare event that I don’t swipe left, it’s consistent that selected dude has already liked my profile. Like 95% of the time. Is this app full of shit? Is my new phone broken?

[datingiscomedy]

A belated look back on 2013:

Ben Affleck in January...

Ginger Balls in February...

Mono for the rest of spring.

Summertime brought tinder dates and a lot of this...

And Senõr Dead Dad in August, who turned out to be homophobic.

Then Silent Auction in September.

I've since been having regular dates with my japanese boyfriend.

2014, come at me bro.

[datingiscomedy]

It's like when the cashier turns into your mother and tries to hook you up with the European dude behind you in line. And you're already buying cookies and wine.