More fleshed-out set of fucked up aus that I will die for (put under cut due to length):
The 'Howard being possessed by all for the Wrens and Dave and Richard finding all the Wren instead' au:
- So the basic premise of the summoning is the same. However, Howard panics and reads the first thing he sees on paper that he thinks will stop the possessions. The counter-spell is one that instead inflicts all the damage (and possessions) onto him. The insane amount of Wrens arguing for control over the one body renders them unable to move or speak or do anything beyond breathe and keep the host body alive, in what is essentially suspended animation but with Howard being fully aware of what is going on the whole time and occasionally sneaking in control before some Wren or another drags him back in.
- Charles, having been closest to the epicenter, got hit by Rizel before Howard reversed the spell. He's still got the connection to Rizel even through their two minds. Charles runs out of the apartment, panics about it long enough to call Dave and stutter out 'Howard, Wrens, help!' and then having his phone crushed by Howard's body still twitching and floating due to the magic that's actively being forced into it.
- Dave, having had enough of Howard's bullshit, heads over to his brother's apartment to finally set a fucking boundary or twenty-eight, but instead finds Charles breaking down in hysterical panic and Howard floating three feet off the floor with glowing eyes and questionable sounds coming out of his throat that shouldn't be humanly possible. Slapping Charles a few times makes him calm down enough for Dave to get an explanation, and then slapping him another three times gets Charles to communicate with Rizel.
- Rizel is not happy with this, but Charles tells him they'll discuss letting him live if he cooperates. Charles does not tell Dave how Howard had broken into the negotiations and begged Charles to not trust a Wren known for being one of the most evil ones with possessing his body. Dave doesn't need to know.
- Rizel, now mollified with the promises of electricity and a body, gets the other Wrens to tell him what bodies they would have been in had it not been for the reversal (thank you Raghan the clairvoyant) and Charles writes down all the names as they're beamed into his head.
- Further research in all the tomes means that as Dave is looking for a 'send the demons back to hell and leave my brother alive' type of magic, he finds out that Wrens can be transferred out of their host body and into another one without killing the host (no idea if this is canon or not, it's an au thing) but they can't actually be exorcised without the death of the body unless there's another Wren doing a weird complicated spell.
- After a significant amount of trial and error on things like houseplants and the rats that decided to follow the trail of pizza into Howard's apartment it has been determined that the Wrens need human hosts for this.
- Cue Dave and a moronic younger Richard (who had seen Dave doing something weird on one of the earliest hunts and was brought into everything) hunting down the bodies that the Wren should have gone into while Charles is left to figure out the magic aspect of this.
- Essentially the process boils down to getting the Wren from Howard's body into the body it was meant to go to, and then with Charles and Rizel working their magic, making a second heart inside the human and ripping out the original, which contains the Wren. The hearts are put into one of two piles and either fed to Howard for sustenance (the only thing the Wrens will all eat) or stored for Rizel to eat later. The people are magicked to heal up and then forget what happened and go on their merry lives.
- The strongest/most evil Wrens have stronger connections to the bodies, so that gets complicated, esp as Siri has a connections that is not dissimilar to Charles's with Rizel, except that Chorum is mostly incoherent screaming and teeth and the desire to devour.
- Dave feels uncomfortable with the idea of killing a child. Abducting it is one thing, but murdering a child (esp one so small that even cutting out it's heart WITH the magic safety on might kill the rest of it for good) is a no-no. Siri is raised with the knowledge that her father loves her very much, her uncle will tell her stories via telepathy and occasionally be corrected by the magical voices who were there, and her godfathers Charles and Richard can do magic almost as well as her uncle and punch shit hard, respectively.
- The pros and cons of the gradual success is that on the one hand now there's less Wrens and Howard can actually talk to more people than just Charles, but the ones still stuck in Howard's body have made pacts and now have significantly fewer arguments. As a result, the body can now move, talk, and occasionally attack people. The two things saving everyone from total annihilation are that the Wren still barely get along and that Howard has also gotten stronger, so he does his best to take over whenever possible and stop them. Rizel refuses to intervene on either side, only trying to take control if the host body starts to die or there's an emergency and he has to get involved. Depressingly enough, Charles is now stuck hearing Rizel complain about how Howard is arguably more forgetful of what his body needs to survive than any of the Wren, so Howard and Rizel clash more and more often with time.
- Almost anyone can help Howard from the sidelines by talking to him but Charles is the only one who can do so with magic, and therefore the only one able to do it any moment. The magic telepathy talking is still less effective than a hug from Dave to get Howard into control. Siri will tell Howard stories about her day or what she learned at school/during magic studies and hold his hand. Richard mostly just gives random anecdotes or bitches about stuff and lets Howard snark back at him.
- Towards the end there's only three Wren left in Howard: Gobniu, Rizel, and Chorum. Rizel refuses to intervene, and Gobniu has been negotiating with Howard re: the cup to get to the valley of the kings because Howard may have spent the last ten years trapped in his own mindscape, but there's access to magic and magical books thanks to the Wren so he's still got a terrible curiosity about the valley and the Iguana Queen. Chorum desires to eat the world whole and therefore has not bothered to negotiate.
- Ending can go either way of Rizel being given a time-body share situation with Charles after the two Wren deaths and everyone going home happy or Gobniu helping the gang kill Chorum only to reveal that he's now working with Howard and the two of them are going to the valley now, thank you very much. Cue the backstabbing as soon as they get there.
- Basically the same except Richard's a woman going by Rachel or Richie or w/e and she hooks up with all the same gals. She's very upset she didn't realize Tracy was also a lesbian. She and Duke very actively kick ass in the championships and are seen as a very driven team. Aside from like the two creeps they fight in the jail, most of their opponents dgaf about fighting/beating up/getting beaten up by a woman. She's still a total fucking loser though.
Rizel and Howard hunt the Wrens while Dave doesn't fucking know au:
- Ok so Rizel is stuck in Charles's body, and Charles is very unhappy with the idea of hurting his one friend. Howard is equally unhappy with the same idea for the same reasons. (Also he promised Charles that they'd get to see the valley of the kings together). Charles has significantly more control in this world and is trying very hard to stop Rizel from taking over his body.
- Howard, with his already questionable morals only having gotten worse at the knowledge that it's his fault there are literal demons walking this earth, offers a deal: He'll figure out a way to keep Rizel alive in a form separate from Charles if they help him hunt the other Wren.
- Rizel is sufficiently mollified by this offer to also agree to the condition of mostly letting Charles take control. It's a vaguely Venom (like the first movie) early-on where it's the bits and pieces of Charles being terrified and Rizel helping him not die. Rizel mostly only comes out during combat and will (begrudgingly) save Charles and also sometimes Howard from life or death.
- The Siri thing is complicated. Charles knows all of one thing; he's uncomfortable killing a baby. Howard understands this but also knows all of one thing; that's a Wren, something they need to kill. Rizel knows he is extremely okay with eating the heart, which would solve the problem. Charles and Howard now know a new thing; they are very much not okay with this concept.
- *Spngebob narrator voice* twenty minutes of panic screaming and arguing later: A compromise is eventually reached. The child will not be eaten. The child will be handed to Dave. It is not entirely clear why this is a safe course of action beyond that Dave is good with children and leaving Siri ('don't name the Wren, Charles, that's how we get attached' 'She needs a name, Howard, I'm not a monster' 'no you're just hosting one' 'oh sure, I'm a monster, not the idiot who summoned me') in an orphanage makes her prey to the next Wren that sees her, which Rizel is extremely against even though both Howard and Charles were semi-okay with this idea.
- Dave was magicked to not wonder too much about why he needs to take care of Siri. He chooses to take her and raise her and love her very, very much of his own free will, but he doesn't know the backstory. At this point, he's just happy that Howard is finally looking up from the book and that he's made a friend, even if the friend is very awkward and shy and can't always say his name during introductions.
- On this note Dave has bonded with Charles by teaching him basic self-defense after both he and Howard keep coming to see him and the kid with twenty-thousand bruises and bandages. Howard refuses the combat lessons but he's also remarkably willing to be an uncle. Charles builds up confidence by learning the basic footwork and spars from Dave. Rizel mostly makes snarky comments, but he's been caught giving corrections or advice mid-fight when he didn't feel like actually intervening.
- Possible splintering but when Siri is about ten years old, Chorum starts getting worse and worse. Eventaully, it tries to attack Chubs. Richard panickedly ties an unconscious Siri up and gets Dave to call Howard and Charles for help. Cue the angst, questions, magic, and ten years of bonding being destroyed in an instant by finding out that your brother has in fact been lying to you about his activities and partially mind-controlled you into raising a child.
- They all deal with the fallout. They keep going. Dave and Richard join in the fight by defending their 'home base' if anyone tries to attack Siri and when Howard, unhappily cradling his new arm stump, reports about the cup, Dave starts training Richard to win. The question of where to get a body for Rizel/how to double-cross Rizel still looms in Howard's mind
The 'percentage of lifespan spent bonded to a Wren affects control they have over their host and vice-versa' au:
- Essentially if you grew up with the power of a Wren, it's more natural to you, and you're aware of it and that there's two of you. People like the Kaiser Stark or like Eric Rose, who are much older, are essentially puppets to the Wren. Somewhat younger, like Martha and the gambling man, are partially aware of their powers, but their human side mostly represses the Wren when it can or they get fully possessed by the Wren. Charles, being roughly a college kid, can manage a roughly even split that's in his favor, or at least a more confident personality would be able to in theory. The kids are fully aware of their powers, the unwanted roommate they're sharing the body with, and (to a degree) how monstrous the Wren truly are.
- Howard knows literally none of this and doesn't find out because he talks to Siri all of maybe twice in ten years and almost everyone who got possessed by a Wren was over 30 when it first happened.
- Both Siri and Nicolas have known from a very young age (roughly 4) the basic concept of 'demon in my mind' and as they got older, parsed more and more information. By the story time, Siri has enough connection to Chorum that she sends out a massive distress/magic signal to all the Wren and magical things in the area when the Order of the Lion goes after Dave. It's not a good idea. She's all of 10 so it's not a fully conscious choice.
- Nicolas senses it and as much as the Wren in him wants to devour Chorum's heart, he feels sympathy. They're maybe a year or two apart in age, but in times like these, they're also the only ones with these powers capable to talking to each other.
- A bunch of the older and therefore less in control of themselves and their Wrens people attack Siri. Nicolas, as the only capable of self-control, helps her fight back. They kill maybe twelve of them before Howard (having seen the massive explosion from the insane amount of magic) and Richard (canon compliantly running to the school) get there and help take out the rest of the attacking Wrens.
- Howard is UnhappyTM about this nonsense. He does not want to have to take care of another Wren-kid in a addition the first Wren-kid, but here he fucking is apparently. Richard is confused and would like for someone to explain why some dude who looks vaguely like Dave but 20 kilos weaker is in a screaming match with two children, one of whom still has 3 red eyes and grey skin and the other one is sprouting teeth.
- Once Howard is reassured that the kids aren't a threat to themselves, him or Richard, or each other, it's good enough to get out of there and run back to the club.
- Cue the reveals. Cue the angst. Cue the awkward found family.
- The kids are now used in an increasingly convoluted set of schemes to catch the other Wrens and also help do lead-up stuff for when Richard needs to fight in the FFFC.
- Howard is forced into an actual uncle role because there's two kids and Chubs is more than a little afraid of Nicolas and also Siri is very insistent on hanging out with the only other person her age. Howard gets attached and simultaneously loves and hates it. It's the first time he's felt familial affection since Dave.
- On a semi-related note, Nicolas actually makes parts of Howard's prosthetic arms as they get more refined. They're done in a similar style to the sword he's made for himself (initially meant for killing other Wren, now also used for weird juggling tricks) and in exchange, Howard helps Nicolas talk through his powers when they're draining (a/n: this is a separate thing I noticed but none of Nicolas's drawings were happy or even neutral in the episode. They're all very dark, and I imagine this is pretty mentally exhausting for him to deal with alone).
- Duke is also now stuck occasionally dealing with the children. He's convinced that Nicolas is possessed by something because while Siri will act mostly normal, Nicolas dgaf under any circumstances and will take any and all opportunity to mess with people.
- Major canon divergence towards the end in that Howard doesn't sell out Siri to Rizel. Instead, Nicolas helps him get rid of the guy (and say goodbye to Charles) and open the portal up. A clever use of Nicolas's Wren powers with Howard's magic and powered by Rizel's life force allows for the separation of the Wren from the kids, with the portal to the Valley of the Kings closing with Howard and the Wrens on one side and the everyone else on the other. It's a bittersweet ending.
- Richard doesn't have nearly as bad of trauma bc the last episode doesn't happen, so he and Tommie work their shit out. Nicolas makes a lot of promo art for Tommie at first and later on joins the resistances against Milo. Duke, who is stuck playing babysitter too often, forces himself to quit drugs at one point after almost hurting one of the now teens. The rehab process is celebrated by the entire gang. Richard asks Duke to be the best man should he and Tommie ever get married.
- Semi-splintering again but a possible ending: Ten years pass. Siri is now in college, and as she visits Dave's gym over one of her breaks, she spots Howard's old book. Re-reads it from nostalgia. Sees a communication spell. As she recites it, a small portal opens above her and a set of letters and photographs flutter out. Inside are pictures of the things Howard has seen, letters detailing the magic of this world, and two snapshot sketches; one of a woman and a child, clearly drawn by Howard's messy hands, labelled 'Mariane and Adrian'. The other one is more rigidly formal, of Mariane and Howard in wedding garb, drawn holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. On the back of the drawing is an address and instructions on how to get there. Siri grins and reaches for the phone to call Richard.
'Duke was let in on the Wren thing' au:
- They can't hide Siri's weirdness early on. Duke sees it. Duke is unhappy with the deal, but this also explains Richard's laziness and why he's suddenly competing in the FFFC.
- He can often reassure Siri when Richard can't because he's slightly better with kids. Not by much, but he does his best not to swear at her or complain when she's in earshot.
- Duke joins the 'Howard is a terrible uncle' club. Howard does not deny this but would like to point out that he'd become the Heart-Snatcher for the sake of keeping Siri alive and also lost his arm and captured a Wren to help their team win the FFFC, so maybe a little less constant judgment would be appreciated.
- During the later episodes, Duke actively helps beat the shit out of various Wren, so they get taken down much faster.
- The finale changes a bit again because unlike Richard, Duke doesn't hesitate to punch Howard when he starts to rip up the book. KO'ing the caster pauses the spell and they frantically search for a counter before making a very fucked up deal with the devil (or in this case, Wren) to get Rizel's help in destroying Howard. Siri is still semi-sacrificed but the incomplete spell means she gets thrown out on their side of the portal instead.
- Milo never gets the chance to take over because Richard and Duke, now really fucking angry at everything that's been happening, just beat him to half-death and Milo sticks to the corner of pop culture and also drug trade. He's very much the top dog of the underground, but Tommie Katana has officially made Paxtown history as the first pop singer to also be elected mayor, and she needs two very capable bodyguards, who just so happen to be her semi-boyfriend and his best friend who's also very much now one of her fiends.
- Siri gets to take a nice long vacation before getting to go a relatively normal childhood, and as an adult choses to learn as much as she can at her local colleges but to go into boxing. She keeps Dave's gym alive and all three of her mentors/adoptive parental figures stop by every few days.
The 'FFFC commentators are sharing a Wren that's too weak to be a real problem' au:
- Quite literally why it says in the title. The Wren somehow manages to possess both of them, but both commentators don't really mind. It's a pretty weak Wren.
- Said Wren quickly takes an interest in boxing after both of it's hosts keep talking about it so much. They're all too happy to explain.
- The Wren in question feeds more on emotions and feelings than necessarily hearts, and the net worth that a Wren heart can give isn't worth the risk of going up against someone like Rizel or Raghan or Chorum. On the other hand, the boxing matches are full of competitiveness, jealousy, and violence, which is like a lovely cocktail of emotions.
- Howard can't find them because the commentators faked their deaths about two years later, and go by fake names in the FFFC.
- When Siri sense them for the first time, she says that she forgot her bag/her cap in the building but she'll catch up to Richard and Howard, no worries. After talking to the commentators who have now grown somewhat fond of the Wren after 10 years of being in the same career, Siri determines they're not a threat.
- The Wren also has much faster reflexes than a human, so it helps them commentate on the matches with unnatural speed. During the FFFC final match, it feeds the commentators all of the information it can about the Wren fighting Richard.
- The rest of the au is canon-compliant, save for that the Wren is still alive at the very end. Siri, as a former boxing champion back in the valley, was grateful to be able to talk to someone from the first time she came back to Paxtown. The commentators and their Wren have termed her their unofficial niece and are the only ones to know that she is Cristo Canyon in alter ego. No one else knows about the last surviving Wren, and it will die when the commentators do.
