Only in the “suburban white kid” way where you do stuff you’re not supposed to do as a teenager and then mildly-annoyed police officers have to tell you to scram. (Gratuitious Alaskan Kid Story: when I was in high school we used to drive out past the Fairbanks International Airport, wade out into the float pond, and have bonfires on a sandbar while engaging in illicit substance use and other ill-advised activities because we were kids who lived in a town where literally the only other thing to do was go to Denny’s. Once we got busted by an airport cop, who was very nice about it but in that “ohhhhh my god teenagers” way.) Unless you count filing for bankruptcy as legal trouble, because I definitely got served with papers for nonpayment of medical bills (I mean, it wasn’t that I didn’t WANT to pay them, it was just that I didn’t have any money and they wouldn’t let me arrange a payment plan because it was a terrible, terrible Rich People hospital).
36. Favorite clean word?
This is a dangerous question because there are SO MANY WORDS and I like most of them. “Effervescent” and “lugubrious” are two of my favorites, but there are a lot more (I also like “gubernatorial” because it allows me to say “goober”, but in a Serious Adult context. Haaaaaa ha goober).
87. Do you keep a journal?
I do not, although I have in the past. Nowadays when I try I find that I’m pretty inconsistent about it, and then I tend to give up altogether. :/ This Tumblr is pretty much the closest thing I have to a journal, if by “journal” you mean “random collection of brain effluvia”.
jadesabre301 replied to your post: Goddamn it’s so hard to go on today.
<3
*hugs*
coffeeandbiotics replied to your post: Goddamn it’s so hard to go on today.
Sorry to read that. I hope something awesome happens to you today to make the day less awful!
I went home and ninja’d a bunch, that always seems to help. Also rum. But I have to work tomorrow, bleah. One-day weekends are remarkably... not enough to decompress. Especially since I have a DnD game tomorrow night. I love gaming, but after six days in a row, it’s wearing.
davecity replied to your post: Goddamn it’s so hard to go on today.
Thinking of you :(
Thanks <3
musanocturnis replied to your post: Goddamn it’s so hard to go on today.
*comfs* I advice setting things on fire. At least in your brain if inconvenient physically
If nothing else, I live in the marvelous future of video games, which give me oodles of fake overly evil baddies to perforate in all kinds of entertaining ways, swipe their money, and build cool armors. That does take a bit of an edge off.
kiramaesavestheworld replied to your post: Goddamn it’s so hard to go on today.
have the rest of the day off. if anyone questions you, tell them i said it was ok
If only. Sadly the donuts will not make themselves. And if we weren’t around to abuse, what would the bosses do with themselves?
A tough call of which word for Cassandra/Josephine, but... cheiloproclitic, pls :)
Cheiloproclitic - Being attracted to someone’s lips.
It is impolite to stare.
Cassandra knows this quite well—at various times in her life she has been the one stared at, for any variety of reasons, and she has never enjoyed it. (Most of the time sheaccepts it as the price of being a public figure; after so long as the Divine’sRight Hand, she is not quite at peace with that status, but she at leastaccepts it. On her bad days, she has been known to round on some gawking idiotand demand to know what they think they’re looking at. She is not particularlyproud of it—it ought to be beneath her dignity to shout at bystanders—but it has happened.)
It is impolite to stare,and it is unsettling to be the target of a stare. And if there is anyone in allof Skyhold that Cassandra does not wish to be rude to, or to unsettle, it isJosephine.
This is how it comes topass that she spends a great deal, a great deal, of her timeat the war table looking at her gloves, the fireplace, the wartable itself (that’s not a bad one, she can look thoughtfully at the StormCoast or the Western Approach or whatever region they’re talking about and itpresumably—hopefully—just makes her look absorbed in the discussion). Becauseif she doesn’t find something to look at, she will spend all of her timewatching Josephine talk. She knows she can be intimidating at the best oftimes, which normally suits her purposes perfectly well, butnow….
"I shall writeanother letter to Lady Deresin," Josephine says, and Cassandra looks upreflexively—which is there the problem, because then she is caught, as surelyas a moth to a candle-flame, by the full lower curve of Josephine’s lip, theway she shapes her words, careful and sure, the way she presses her mouth tightshut in a brief expression of displeasure before continuing, "—but as shehas not answered the first two, my hope are not high. Three is as much I can dowithout crossing the line to appearing desperate."
"I will notify oneof my agents there to report on what might be holding her up and whether we canshake her loose," Leliana says.
Josephine smiles. Hersmile is entrancing. “Thank you.”
(It is appropriate, ifnot logical, that Josephine has such a beautiful mouth. Certainly the wordsthat come from it are beautiful, well-chosen and elegant. Cassandra has neverspent much time attempting to teach herself how to speak in such a way: she tellsthe truth as she sees it, without ornament and without circumlocution, and ifher hearer does not like it—well, that is their problem. It is only now forthe first time, watching Josephine, the brief curve of her lips in a smile asclear and bright as candleflame, that it occurs to Cassandra that it might beuseful to at least know how to be lovely in your speech. Shehas gone decades without needing the skill, or even particularly valuing it. It did not occur to her that now,suddenly, she would have cause to want it, if only for one person.
Too late now, shesupposes.)
Cassandra is staring,she realizes, and drags her gaze back to the table. Maker, becausewhat she really needs now is this hopeless distraction.
She could swear she canfeel Leliana’s eyes on her, knowing, even though she cannot possibly knowanything—Leliana is dismayingly observant, but even she cannot read minds.Cassandra thinks not, anyway. Hopes not.
Josephine knows smiles,knows how to read them. She sees so many: polite smiles, pained smiles,ingratiating smiles, poised smiles. Warm smiles, frosty smiles, and everythingin between.
When you play the Game,and especially in Orlais where it is at its most rarefied, it is often the casethat most of the smiles you see are false in one way or another. A pleasantsmile where someone wishes to grimace, a polite smile as the sheerest cover fordisdain, a confident smile where uncertainty churns in your stomach—or theopposite, a meek smile to disguise triumphant pride at a secret plot put inmotion. A thousand smiles, and so few of them true.
When she first metCassandra, she was taken somewhat aback, because Cassandra didn’t smile. Notmuch, at least, not often—certainly not as a default social nicety.(“Cassandra is not much for niceties,” Leliana said, privately, oneof those first nights as they sat up discussing their new allies. “Abraver and more honest woman you will never find, and her skills areunparalleled, and she will not deliberately try to offend any of yourvisiting dignitaries, but… her patience for such things is, shall we say,low.”)
To Josephine, who wasused to a constant parade of pro forma smiles—diplomatic smiles for thediplomat—it seemed at first as if Cassandra was scowling all the time. Butthen she chanced to see Cassandra actually scowling (dark and dramatic as athundercloud full of lightning) and realized that, no, her normal facialexpression was not scowling, it was simply—not smiling.
It was, she decided,refreshing: she did not have to guess what lie the smile hid, did not have toguess at all, had only to read what was written plain on Cassandra’s face. Itwas—restful.
It is rather later thatshe realizes that her excitement at seeing a smile on Cassandra’s lips (andknowing that it is real, a true smile for a true reason, because Cassandra doesnot prevaricate with her face or her voice) is perhaps… beyond the normal.All right: so she is a little smitten with the Seeker. A little. Leliana rollsher eyes and sighs but does not chide her, which is just as well becauseJosephine could name a few embarrassing infatuations of hers,should it come to it.
But still, she pursuesthose smiles, rare as they are, with the careful diligence of a hunter, droppingcomments to ease Cassandra’s mind or to make her laugh. She is good at suchthings, and those smiles, crystal-brilliant as sun on snow, are reward enough.Cassandra is a Seeker of Truth and Josephine is a seeker of words, and in thiscase the words that will bring the light to Cassandra’s eyes, the curve to her lipsthat warms her whole face.
It is a game, really, away of enjoying this… infatuation without hanging too many hopes on it. Itmakes Cassandra happy and it makes her happy and that is good enough. She hasplayed at romance like this before; it is a good way to not be too hurt whennothing comes of it, when nothing can come of it, as nothing surely can now.
She thinks. Until theday she walks into the tavern and Cassandra is there, and Cassandra turns tolook at her and before Josephine says anything Cassandrasmiles, just at laying eyes on her, that smile that gentles the stern lines ofher mouth, does not so much soften the elegant sharpness of her face butilluminates it. What passes wordless through Josephine’s mind then is somewherebetween a wild hope and a fervent prayer, but for once she has no speechprepared and nothing comes to her lips. She can only smile back, her own smileinstinctive in its honesty for once, all pretense laid aside.
She thinks, she thinks,she hopes Cassandra understands anyway, if not consciouslythen on some level. A seed planted, growing in the unexpected sweetness of hersmile.
eleganceliberty replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
That really, really sucks. :( I am so sorry you have to go through that red tape bullshit, ugh.
musanocturnis replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
…ouch that is not okay. :( Like humongous levels of not okay. Even people who work wiping poop get to say “this shitpile is bigger than usual I need more time”. :(
Yeah, it's pretty abusive and stupid. What gets me is how colossally wasteful it is, both of time and money.
lhs3020b replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
I think I understand you very well there. You could be describing a good chunk of what happened to me in academia (the incompetent/abusive supervisor aside). But congrats on getting all that hard work out there :)
In theory it's worth it in the end. But some days you're just there to punch your clock and pay your mortgage. :/
davecity replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
I always find this so shocking, even though it’s apparently routine :( Why do VFX companies let this happen? Are they actually unable to protect against it contractually? Or do they figure employees absorb the burden so they don’t care?
VFX companies don't protect against changes because... no VFX company protects against changes. It's a chicken and egg problem, and one motivated 100% by profit margins. VFX is already a cutthroat bidding process. Any company that mandates changes that might impact the bottom line (like demanding a client actually pay for massive mid-project changes) is just going to see their contracts dry up and go to someone who won't. The threat of moving projects elsewhere is always the reason cited... Unless VFX forms a unified front, nothing is going to change. And even then, there's the constant threat (real or drummed up no one is quite sure) that all the work will be shipped overseas to India and China the moment we North Americans start making noises. Because of their age, unions protect every other part of filmmaking, but not us. But as the burden of post-processing has shifted from minor tweaks to wholesale, A to Z image build, producers know full well they make millions off our backs, the newest and least protected faction.
fluidfyre replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
agh this sounds like sickening stress :( sorry to hear about it HUGS
Oddly it's less stressful than it is annoying and tiring. The thing is, since I'm a mid-level artist, none of the shenanigans are my fault. Indeed, they aren't the fault of anyone in the department, the issues were caused over our heads. So ego-wise, it's not a big deal. The bad part is knowing we're going to get the short end of the overtime stick for this.
If you see a shitty movie, I guarantee you there's a herd of disgruntled VFX artists who spent many, many months griping about it over lunches.
shadesofmauve replied to your post: I knew it was coming but the scope of ...
Bed of roses. Well, if you remove most of the flowers and leave all the thorns…
davecity replied to your post: Here, have a random .mp3 of me singing...
Beautiful!
Thank you! I'm a little warblier than I would like--I'm a little out of practice, so my vocal control has deteriorated somewhat, hence the extra bonus vibrato. ^^; Plus the higher notes in this song tend to push the upper limits of the range of my chest voice, so it was a bit of a challenge.
davecity replied to your post:Okay I got massively ambushed by...
Josephine would make Cassandra go to fancy parties which she would hate, but then when Cassandra was grumpy afterward Josephine would bring her something sweet to drink and read aloud to her.
Hahahah, yes. "I don't have to wear a dress, do I? I'm not wearing a dress." "You don't have to wear a dress. Ah, actually, please don't wear a dress. But it would be helpful if you would refrain from threats of physical violence." "What if i get really annoyed, though? Can I threaten people if they really annoy me?" "You start off really annoyed. You are really annoyed as soon as you enter the room." "...you have figured out my cunning plan."
Really, though, I think the thing is that Josephine figures out something that almost no one else does, which is that Cassandra wants to be courted. Properly, romantically, with flowers and poetry. Just because she's no-nonsense in the rest of her life and can probably wrestle bears into the bargain doesn't mean that she has to be a pragmatist about matters of the heart. (And she would completely use a euphemism like 'matters of the heart,' probably while blushing.)
And Josephine, of course, has whole files full of romantic customs to draw from. Probably literal files. Cassandra can dead-lift a troll, certainly, but if she wants to be swept off her feet once in a while... Josephine can arrange that.
(When Josie and Leliana meet weekly to chat over wine, Leliana insists on calling it 'The Siege of Fort Pentaghast.' Leliana is herself rather a romantic... all the murder notwithstanding.)
davecity replied to your post: “Ha ha turns out I only owe the hospital $1700 for the two-hour ER...”:
I'm sorry :( How awful.
Thank you. <3 I was kind of expecting my out-of-pocket cost for the ER visit to be something like this (I googled the price of an abdominal CT scan with contrast, then added on what I thought might be the extraneous costs), so it wasn't a total shock, but it's still unpleasant to hear them say it aloud. Mainly I'm concerned about seeing the specialist--I haven't really had a recurrence except for about a week after the ER visit, and I feel okay and the CT scan didn't show evidence of anything concerning, but there are still a few things going on I would like to get checked out.
The referral guy at the student health center is really nice and does a lot to try to help, but he also seems to have this idea that people should always go get checked out, regardless of the cost. In a perfect world, I agree with him--how much money you have should never determine whether or not you can get medical care--but if it comes down to me seeing a specialist vs. me paying my rent, I'd rather be sick and still have housing, thank you very much. (He assured me that the costs from the cardiologist would be manageable, and it took me a little over a year to pay off three fifteen-minute visits with the cardiologist, an EKG, and a cardiac ultrasound, only to be told I have a benign electrical abnormality and there's nothing they can do about it. Not that I'm upset that I don't have a serious heart condition, because of course I'm not, but it does kind of mean that I paid about $1800 for nothing.)
