Jun 8, 2021
“ Lingers still this scent of all the Past, of all the love we suffered ”
— Goethe, J.W., ‘A Past Within the Present’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.
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“ Lingers still this scent of all the Past, of all the love we suffered ”
— Goethe, J.W., ‘A Past Within the Present’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.
“‘Why?’, asked Beauty, ‘oh Zeus, must I wither and fade?’ And the god said: / ‘Why, I made you to adorn only what withers and fades!’”
— Goethe, J.W., ‘42’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.
“Wait: you too shall rest Before long.”
— Goethe, Johann W., ‘A Wanderer’s Night Song II’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.
Why do images and reports of starving and malnourished Africans appear so often in the media? What are the actual dimensions of the problem? What has trade and climate got to do with it? (How Africa Eats | LSE Press)
The book: [PDF] How Africa Eats | LSE Press
LGBTIQA+ Weddings: all you need is love
New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/lgbtiqa-weddings-all-you-need-is-love/
LGBTIQA+ Weddings: all you need is love
The logistics, cost and bombastic glamour of a big wedding may be too much for some couples, but QNews looks at ways you can enjoy your big day on your own terms.
Ah, weddings – the chance to celebrate love in all its multifaceted splendour, then celebrate the bar tab and the vibes on the dance floor.
Now, we all know when it comes to the “big day”, as in other areas of their lives, that some people prefer “the bigger the better”.
But the pomp and ceremony alongside the attendant organisation (not to mention cost) involved can be a deterrent for a lot of people, especially for those who experience anxiety or sensitivity to social pressures.
With that in mind, we spoke to wedding professionals and married couples alike who advocate for a chilled approach – that less can be more, if that’s your preference.
Their advice to anyone planning a wedding, big or small: focus on the heart of why you’re doing it.
Keep it simple, sweetheart.
As Ebby Carson, wedding planner and creative director at Little Bird Events, says, “In the end, you get to marry the love of your life, surrounded by everyone you care about. That’s really what it’s all about.”
Celebrant Simon Robinson says to avoid any expectations from your family or peers to do something you don’t want: “So if you want a little wedding in the backyard with four friends, that’s what you should have.
“Don’t be pressured into having something bigger or more elaborate if that’s not what you want. It should be a celebration of the relationship – not to satisfy other people’s expectations.”
For Scott Buchanan, who was married in Maui to his now husband Damien in 2017, the focus was always on what the commitment meant for their relationship. “It was always for us, not for anyone else,” Scott says.
Scott emphasises the significance of his wedding to Damien, not just as a declaration of their love but as a moment that was entirely their own. “We had no friends, no family, no pressure,” he says. “It was the celebrant and the videographer/photographer as the witness on a beach.”
The decision allowed them to focus on what mattered most—their connection to each other. A year later, they celebrated with a big party, inviting friends and family to share in their joy without the traditional demands and stress of a wedding day. “The fact that there was no pressure was the best bit,” Scott says. “It was for us.”
Meanwhile Kelly, who had a simple ceremony to their now wife Em, wanted to leave sharing the moment with friends and family at a bar afterwards. “We didn’t want to make a big deal about it,” Kelly says, “it was more about acknowledging our relationship in a way that felt true to who we are, without turning it into a spectacle.”
Wedding and event planner Ebby Carson, pictured, advises keeping things simple. Photo: supplied.
Big love, small budget
A similar philosophy applied to David Luke’s wedding to Adrian in August 2019, where the couple opted to tie the knot at the Sydney registry office in Ultimo, then followed it up with a reception at the Ultimo TAFE Restaurant.
David admits that their planning was partly informed by cost – and a certain (understandable) cynicism about the wedding industry fleecing the unwary: “We’d observed straight couples spending tens of thousands on weddings and thought that was kind of weird. I mean, these people spend all this money on a wedding and there’s a 50 per cent chance it won’t work!”
With that in mind, the decision to have the reception at the TAFE training restaurant – which offers student-run, student-cooked fine dining – was a savvy choice to affordably accommodate around 20 guests in a friendly, welcoming and excellently catered environment.
In the end, factoring in the outlay for a couple of new suits and a couple of tables afterwards at the (then) Zanzibar in Newtown, David says the whole wedding ultimately came to only around $4000.
But David says a certain reserve and sensitivity also applied to the way they wanted to conduct their nuptials, partly based on the degree to which discrimination and prejudice has informed his life: “I didn’t want it being some sort of public thing in a park or a beach, I just didn’t want onlookers, you know. And so we asked the guy at the register who we were talking to, ‘Is it possible to have a gay person marry us? We’d just prefer that too.’”
David Luke (left) and his husband Adrian (right) opted for an intimate, relatively low-key wedding. The couple are pictured on their 2019 wedding day in Sydney. Photo: supplied.
Marriage equality
As with David, it’s understandable that it might be your preference to opt for a more private ceremony because of experiences with homophobia.
Scott and Damien’s wedding in 2017 was actually backgrounded by the same-sex marriage debate then still raging in Australia, making them glad to be in Maui (same-sex marriage has been legal in Hawaii since 2013) – and glad for the intimacy, privacy and isolation of their beach wedding.
“It really was psychologically, as you might remember, not a lot of fun to have your life publicly debated as to whether you are a worthwhile human being or not. So, it was actually really nice to be away from all,” says Scott.
And while it’s now been seven years since the Australian Marriage Act 1961 was updated to allow for marriage equality, some couples may understandably feel an added frisson or poignancy at getting married. However, it’s worth the obvious reminder that a wedding, big or small, can still also be intrinsically personal – and for no one else’s benefit but the happy couple.
As Ebby Carson says, the ceremony shouldn’t have to foreground politics or any other broader significance in any way, “You can trust your guests accept and cherish you as a couple – that’s why they are there. Make it about you and your love. Incorporate things you love and what brought you together.”
Meanwhile, Simon Robinson observes that people should have had enough time since 2017 to get over a certain novelty factor, “Silly things like, ‘What would you like to be referred to?’ – people have become a little bit more attuned to some of those nuances or slight differences.”
Christian Bischoff, who has been a celebrant for 15 years, says while he doesn’t treat same-sex or heterosexual weddings any differently, he acknowledges that the difficulties same-sex partners have endured over history “adds another layer to it of significance … but love is love”.
He’s never personally encountered any discrimination but being a “Tamworth boy, born and raised”, he’s aware that inherited prejudices can die hard – and advises couples to do their “reconnaissance well and truly prior to even coming to the celebrant”.
Ebby Carson advises prospective married couples to “incorporate things you love and what brought you together’ into their big day. Photo: supplied.
Saying I do … or I don’t!
Of course, your reasons for getting married in the first place are also personal. David Luke, for example, says that a certain realism applied; that while he was ultimately happy to tie the knot, he was at times ambivalent about a ceremony, feeling he was more or less married to Adrian anyway.
“We were monogamous. We just bought a flat together. It looked like a marriage. We talked about it and joked about it a bit!”
It’s also worth pointing out that for many couples, there can be a clear-sighted decision not to get married that’s as intentional and meaningful as the choice to say “I do.” It might stem from personal beliefs, financial considerations or simply a different perspective on relationships.
Matt and his partner Geoff, both in their mid-30s, share a disinclination toward marriage that was based partly on not having had the choice for so long: “I’ve never been interested in getting married. Weddings seem a bit corny to me, and the fact that it wasn’t an option for me for so many years made me get used to the idea that it’s not for me,” Matt says.
“My relationship doesn’t need to be legitimised with a piece of paper. I see us as sort of married already.”
That said, Matt is not only at pains to point out that he supports marriage equality – but has seen the way it has transformed other people’s relationships in meaningful ways.
“I’ve never been interested in getting married, but then I’ve also heard people say things like it’s taken our relationship to the next level or ‘I never expected to feel this way’. I was at the wedding of a couple who were very tumultuous, in an on-again and off-again, relationship, and after the wedding, which was great, they became much more stable.”
Christian Bischoff recalls a similarly transformative wedding at which he was the celebrant, one that was such an amazing, culminating moment for the couple getting married that it also helped him become more at ease with himself as a gay man.
Growing up in Tamworth
Growing up in Tamworth with what he describes as “very hetero, strong, macho vibrational energy within the family” brought with it a certain amount of what he calls “social gangrene” and, in the case of marriage, a certain discomfort with the institution. It was officiating, he says, at the wedding of a couple in their late 50s and early-60s at a ceremony in Leura, in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney where everything clicked for him.
“It was one of the most memorable ceremonies: the weather was stunning and knowing where the couple were at, that they hadn’t been the easiest of journeys for them, it was all of those elements coming together. Was just a beautiful, joyous, heart-filled and collectively loving audience that cherished in their love that day,” he says.
“I think there was an element to it that made me more comfortable with being gay.”
However, at the end of the day, of course weddings are just one day in your life that signify a much larger commitment – and Christian, rather sagely, recommends: “Before getting married – this is just a human tip, but intrinsic to the sustainability of a relationship, if you can, try and live with one another for a while.”
Blue Mountains-based wedding celebrant Christian Bischoff, pictured. Says it’s a good idea for couples to live together before getting married. Photo: supplied.
Top tips for your wedding
Whether you’re organising a more intimate gathering as opposed to a grand celebration, weddings can be an overwhelming experience.
Ebby Carson says her advice hinges on three main tips: “Firstly, planning a wedding can be stressful, more stressful than we sometimes realise. Make checklists and start planning and booking early. If you’re not a planner, reach out to a professional who can help.
“Secondly, when the planning gets overwhelming, remember why you’re doing it. In the end, you get to marry the love of your life, surrounded by the people you care about.
“Thirdly, do your research: reach out to friends or your community and get recommendations for locations and vendors. Working with someone who comes highly recommend adds a level of comfort and confidence. Trust your first impression of your vendors. Good or bad, it’s usually right!”
The importance of research is a universal point of advice, with David Luke observing, “Remember it’s an event that only lasts a day and everyone wants your money! So shop around.”
Christian Bischoff observes, “Check out wedding venues, figure out how many people are going to be coming and who’s coming.”
Small, intimate event
He emphasises the importance of ensuring your small, intimate event is adequately catered. “Ensure your guests remain guests and aren’t turned into [de facto] staff members!”
“Another tip is to make sure that you have all of your finances and or dual accounts organised!”
Simon Robinson says that when it comes to your celebrant, it’s really important to find someone you click with. “You have to get along with this person, they’re going to get to know you quite well and become a very important element of your wedding day.”
Meanwhile, Scott Buchanan brings it back to the personal, especially if you’re someone who shies away from the spotlight. “My tip would be do what’s going to work for you – because as soon as it’s out of your control it’s not your day. Honestly, it doesn’t need to be huge – I don’t regret a single thing about my wedding. It was just us, and it was perfect.”
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Goethe's poetry - some new translations by John Greening
In this blog post, I am discussing John Greening’s new translations of a small selection (9 poems in all) from the works of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. With the original German texts provided on facing pages, these translations are published as Nightwalker’s Song, by Arc Publications (2022). This review was originally commisioned and published by Acumen poetry magazine early in 2023. By the way,…
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“True love is love that stays constant for ever, whatever its fortune: / Whether requited or scorned, filled or sent empty away.”
— Goethe, J.W., ‘43’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.
“Shall these blossoms’ early blessing Last not even one short hour? In the warm west wind’s caressing They are scattered like a shower.”
— Goethe, J.W., ‘Permanence in Change’ from Selected Poetry, translated by David Luke.