Batfamily Comm Lines pt. 13
* a quiet night on a roof-top in Crime Alley*
Jason: Do you think we don’t give Gothamites enough credit?
Damian: What do you mean?
Jason: Like-Like they aren’t stupid. They can’t be. They live in Gotham, they have to have some sort of intelligence to survive-
Damian: Roaches can survive nuclear bombs. They are quite intelligent insects.
Jason: *continuing* Wayne Enterprises has companies in fucking everything from medical to plumbing. W.E is to Gotham what Samsung is to South Korea. No one’s ever thought ‘ maybe B’s trying to take over the city?’
Damian: Are you-Do you have the suspicion that Father may be on the cusp of being discovered?
Jason: Think about it. You get off work at your Martha Wayne Foundation job, ride your Wayne Tech scooter home, and use your Wayne Tech rose toy for the evening. *cackling*
Damian: WHAT THE FUCK.
Jason: The Brucie specialty edition one.
Damian: *flabbergasted* Run that last part for me one more time.
Jason: * laughing* Watching your city be terrorized on your Wayne TV.
Damian: You think that because Father is such a philanthropist and involved citizen, a person using a sex toy from his company will somehow come to the realization that he is Batman?
Jason: Yeah.
Damian: Makes sense, yeah. I see it.
* comm line pings*
Tim: *Grunting, the sound of scraping metal can be heard* GODDAMN THIS GUY IS FUCKING HEAVY.
Dick: *laughing* Red Robin just got squashed by a thief. He tried jumping off the roof and missed, fell onto poor Timmy down below.
Jason and Damian: *laughing*
Tim: *grumbling* Can't believe I weaseled my way into this job.
Jason: Oracle, please tell me you got that shit on video.
Oracle: Oh absolutely. I don't miss a thing, I'll send it to you.
Tim: Bullies. Absolute bullies.
Damian: Why don't we ask them about your conspiracy theory, Akhi?
Dick: Huh? What conspiracy theory?
Jason: That don't people in Gotham put two and two together? W.E is responsible for so much product and no one realizes that's suspicious as shit?
Tim: You know-He has a fair point. B’s outreach is pretty expansive.
Damian: That is not what you said at all. He said that an individual would most likely figure out this theory by using a ‘ Wayne Tech rose toy’.
Jason: *cackling*
Dick: HE’S COOKING. WHY IS GOTHAM’S MOST BELOVED BILLIONAIRE INVESTING IN SHIT YOU SELL AT SPENCER’S.
Tim: It’s all coming together.
Jason: You know- Theory aside. Who, out of all of us, is the most likely to spill the beans about B being Batman?
Damian: Grayson. Are you genuinely asking? This man has screamed our secret identities out into the open multiple times. It is a miracle that Father's double life has remained intact for so long.
Dick: You just said my name but I’m the one that’s going to slip up?
Tim: Bro-You went into that 24-hour cafe downtown as Nightwing and when the barista asked for your name, you said " Yeah just put Grayson. Thanks."
Damian: Jesus Christ.
Jason: OH MY GOD. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN BRUCE GYRATED AT THE ICEBERG LOUNGE *cackling* DANCED IN HIS UNDERWEAR ON TOP OF THE ICE SCULPTURE OF A PENGUIN.
Dick: *audibly smiling* To keep up his Brucie Wayne persona. I remember it. *laughing* Alfred couldn't maintain eye contact with him for a few days after.
Tim: I’m still baffled as to why he did that.
Dick: *nonchalantly* To convince people that he’s just a pretty boy with a ton of money and not a furry fighting crime.
Tim: No-I understand that. But did the clothes really have to come off? He couldn’t just pretend to be blackout drunk?
Damian: So if anyone suspects my identity, I'm just suppose to start stripping?
Jason: *laughing*
Dick: *wheezing* Or pretend to be blackout drunk like Tim suggested.
Tim: Oh yeah-The 13 year old is just drunk at the- Shit he’s loose. Nightwing, headed your way!
Dick: COME HERE. DON’T MAKE ME CHASE YOU WHILE I LAUGH.
