#deacon meta

[deaconswig]

Thinking about Jeanne and Deacon again. They didn't get along at first (peak Deacon/anyone dynamic) and on Deacon's end that was the sign of a healthy ecosystem. It meant his barriers and walls were effective against this person he felt he needed to cajole and prod into helping the Railroad while keeping her from getting to know him in any meaningful way.

And then one night, she makes him tea. It's hubflower. His favorite. He tries not to telegraph his preferences in order to remain a blank slate. But somewhere in the months of working together he must have slipped up. An offhand comment, making it too many nights in a row...he can't remember. And that's just part of the problem.

She offers him a cup of hubflower tea, and a quiet "I noticed you like it," and they sit in silence for a while because for once Deacon doesn't know what to say.

He doesn't want to ruin the rise of warmth between them. She's been hostile and he's been annoying and frankly it's exhausting. Maybe he can let his guard down a little. Change up the dynamic. Maybe they'll be more effective partners if he lets her in a little. Maybe she's lonely. The tea could be a peace offering.

These are the things he tells himself.

And there are things he doesn't tell himself. That maybe it feels good to have someone like Jeanne to lean on. Someone who notices him, someone who takes the time to offer him the kindness of a cup of tea. He doesn't tell himself these things because it would make his skin crawl. He doesn't tell himself because if he admitted that the cup of tea warmed more than his hands as they sat in companionable silence, he'd have to double down on being an asshole to push her away.

He won't... he can't admit he wants the warmth. Because if he did, he'd have to walk away.

And he doesn't want to walk away.

[deaconshusband]

Is this mic on? …….. how dow we feel about romanichal deacon?

[deaconswig]

🏠dealers choice

hc + 🏠 for a home-themed headcanon

Thanks for the ask! Since I'm in a Deacon mood, lets talk about what "home" means for an itinerant spy with commitment issues.

In my 'verse, Deacon starts out living in Salem as a youth. He ends up being a homesteader, but any connection to the idea of home is shattered when Barbra decides to wipe her memory and head to DC without him. She's alive, just not aware of Deacon, and they never meet again.

From then on, he wanders. He does visit the West Coast and the South, always looking for something but avoiding the Capitol Wasteland at all costs--that's his anti-home.

When he gets recruited into the Railroad, he resists the urge to find home in people. He's the cryptid uncle who shows up to family reunions and family crises but is otherwise rarely seen. If he needs to go home, to rest, it's not going to be where people are.

So, he does have a home--he would just never call it that. There's a loft in Goodneighbor he uses as a safehouse and storage unit. It's like if an antiques store, an armory, and a props room at a theater formed Voltron. Full of his old world widgets, his books, his clothes. That's where he goes to ground if he's feeling burnt out, or scared, or lonely. But god forbid he call it home. After all he has over a half-dozen other bolt-holes and safehouses.

And yeah, maybe its the safest place he can think to bring Jeanne when shit goes south with the Institute. Maybe it has all the comforts of...a place he goes to be...not out in the world. Has a kitchen, a stereo, music, books...a big, soft bed. Has his favorite things. Four walls and strong doors and all the things that bring him comfort. A place he's proud of. But it's not home.

Not yet, anyway. Not until he brings Jeanne there. Brings her home.

thematic headcanon prompts!

[deacons-wig-archive]

Deacon’s Name

@the-minutethem requested a post about why Deacon chose the name Deacon. So many reasons, its really interesting!! 

Deacon is derived from the Greek word diákonos (διάκονος), meaning servant, messenger, or minister. In Christian hierarchy, a Deacon is low ranking office focused on service, clerical work, etc. A Deacon keeps things running, but may not make big decisions. (Wikipedia). 

This makes sense for Deacon for several reasons. First, Deacon is a messenger and in a way, a clerk. His job is to collect information, sort it, and deliver the relevant bits to Desdemona and other agents as he seeds fit, in a way that’s useful to them.

I like to think that Deacon needs to create the illusion of being low in the hierarchy of the Railroad. It gives him freedom to vanish for long periods of time, keeps people off balance and wondering who he really is and what he really does. 

Heads up, from here I’m going to talk Christianity and the Bible which I am no expert in. 

There is a line in the bible about the qualities a Deacon should have to hold office. 

“And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless.” (1Timothy 3:10 - King James Version). 

When I did some research to figure out why Deacon might have chosen this name, this line struck me. If we consider his backstory a truth, Deacon is on a blatant path to redemption/atonement that he knows he will only achieve if he devotes his life to The Cause. “Being found blameless” is an irony, because he is guilty as sin of his bigotry against synths. So becoming not-a-bigot and change his mind is not enough. To be found blameless he must become a servant of the cause, going so far as forsaking his identity. That makes sense as a spy, sure, but it also sets him up as a messenger: that Synths are people, that they need help, that he will do anything to change the world for them. I actually have a fic about this I’m going to plug here. Mind the tags before you read.

Deacon also fits thematically with a few other names used in the Railroad. Drummer Boy is obvious, as is Glory, an avenging angel. They work out of a church, etc. 

Ultimately I see the name as a sad little joke, just for himself. I don’t think other people in the Railroad really get the depth it has. It’s both a definition of what he is, and a reminder of who he was. 

[deacons-wig-archive]

hi i’m starving for deacon content nowadays and i’m just wondering if u have like any headcanons for him? like what sort of things he likes or dislikes, things he’s done, headcanons about him being buddies with the sosu, anything thank u ily sm

Hello dear, allow me to present a random assortment of Deacon headcanons:

Personal:

The nerd taught himself French from scavenged schoolbooks, just so he could read Proust in the one legible copy he found.

Besides practical reasons, Deacon loves to sew. Sewing is an honest and useful way to keep his nervous hands busy. If the wasteland has yarn, I imagine he is a competent knitter and makes goofy hats and fun socks for Sole, Companions, and his Railroad pals.

Since Deacon has a hard time with honest words, he is big on giving gifts and doing things that make Sole’s life easier. He gives them clothes and food, teaches them about the wasteland’s quirks and how to cook.

Speaking of food, he doesn’t like sugar or very sweet things, but he finds pre-war snacks and stashes them for Sole, who has a hard time   going from a high sugar/processed diet to what he calls “Wasteland Organic.”

He goes out of his way to find fun things for Sole to do so they can get some R&R. Think things like a bowling alley, a library, silly robot museum tours, maybe even dancing together at Magnolia’s shows.

Feel like crying? Barbara is not actually dead. The Railroad got her out of the Commonwealth! Deacon tells a lie that breaks his heart in order to protect her. He will take that secret to his grave, no matter how close he and Sole get. Anyone who may have known is now dead, a casualty of the Institute, so not even Dez knows.

Deacon is demisexual! Pining for Sole hits him especially hard because he hasn’t experienced sexual attraction in a long time.

Deacon is nonbinary. He uses he/him pronouns but doesn’t like when people refer to him as a man, and he confesses to Sole that he hates when people refer to him gendered words like man/dude/guy.

Deacon 110% has the “Child at Heart” perk. Shaun thinks he’s the coolest and Deacon helps Sole tutor him in reading and writing! If romanced, Deacon absolutely embraces being a parent. He teaches Nat how to recognize sketchy Institute activity and she shakes him down for caps in exchange for gossip. Piper would kill him if she found out. He is also endlessly amused by Bunker Hill kid who likes to grift newcomers.

Work-related:

He and Tommy Whispers were as close to friends as one could have in the Railroad. It was only after the Institute was destroyed that Deacon realizes how much he misses Tommy and opens to Sole about being grateful for having another friend.

Deacon’s favorite town in the Commonwealth is Bunker Hill. Traders are a great source of gossip, it’s a good place to make caps, and he has a trusted Tourist in Old Man Stockton. You couldn’t pay him to go up in the monument though. At least not until Sole drags him up there…

Deacon is very attentive to the state of his nails, skin, and teeth as part of his disguises. He hates having dirty nails though, so he suffers when trying to pass as a farmer/drifter/scavver.

In the game I know he wears glasses 24/7, but I think he only wears them in public and at HQ. In private with Sole or by himself he takes them off, and won’t wear them at night for practical reasons, like uh... needing to see??

Still, Deacon’s eyesight is not great. After the Institute, Sole convinces him to get glasses. The wasteland does have advanced medicine, so there’s no reason someone hasn’t figured out how to make prescription glasses??

Wearing glasses is a great transition from sunglasses because he feels naked in public without something on his face.

Deacon has a horrible relationship to sleep, but traveling with Sole helps him regulate a little. More on that here!

[deacons-wig-archive]

Deacon & Sleep

You know, I think Deacon traveling with the Sole Survivor has one very important benefit. It probably helps him get some fucking sleep. All he does is work. And he probably has chronic nightmares. We’ve all see that jackass without his glasses on. Does he look like a person who sleeps more than three hours at a time? No. No he does not. He probably started wearing the stupid shades to hide how mindbogglingly tired he looks all the time. He was scaring off his sources.

Now I know there are plenty of Soles out there who also have really bad sleep habits (hello fellow insomniacs, also looking at your work-obsessed or party funtime Soles who Do Not Rest as a rule) but now Deacon is at least accountable to someone else and their schedule. I imagine he also wants to help the Sole Survivor live another day, so he encourages them to catch a few zz’s on the regular. I also absolutely accept that he wasn’t bullshitting Sole about not seeing much combat before they teamed up. Deacon would lay as low as possible. Fighting takes a lot of energy, and so does getting injured/healing.

Anyway, this is all to say that sleep is one of the most important aspects to mental and physical well-being!! And maybe simply getting a bit more sleep helps Deacon along the way towards feeling a more functional and willing to have more meaningful interactions with other people!!

[swindlefingrs]

you think Deacon's ever had this weird sudden realization hes old? a midlife crisis?

That’s a really good question that I’ll probably overcomplicate, because that’s my signature move: over complicating things. I’m also Tumblr old (early 30′s) so my perspective on this might be different than someone younger, and might be different than someone older (and I’d love to have them chime in).

I personally put Deacon in his mid-40s so he’s midlife for a Wastelander, maybe even older than midlife, I’d say? The thing is, I never got the impression that being “old” was held in the same negative regards as we do in the US now. In the US we’re obsessed with youth and beauty. I haven’t experienced those things being valued in the Commonwealth. 

Surviving to your 40′s might be a big accomplishment in the Wasteland, maybe you’re more respected for your wisdom and life experience? Maybe you know trying to hold onto your youth, or being perceived as youthful, is pointless in comparison to staying alive?

Deacon’s survived many (at least 5-8) attacks by the Institute, however many partners, run however many synths to their new homes, and he’s seen many people he’s cared about, die. Just within the events of Fallout 4 he loses everyone at the Switchboard (at least 10 named people, countless unnamed), loses the people in the simultaneous attacks on four other safehouses, Ticonderoga where he loses High-Rise and all of his people, then Glory and the other agents killed during the BOS attack at Old North Church. He can keep track of the years that have passed based on the number of synths they’ve smuggled out and who they’ve lost to bullets or bombs.

If anything, I’d think this would set his perspective for what’s important and what isn’t important. Being young, holding onto his youth, expressing it by getting a hairpiece, a red hot rod, and dating a young piece of ass, might not be very important to him. It might be more likely that he has a secret case of survivor’s guilt when he thinks about the age he’s managed to survive to, while countless others haven’t.

This a really roundabout way of saying that I don’t believe Deacon would think of being old in the context of a midlife crisis, of trying to reclaim his youth, but more likely that he thinks of being old in the context of the time that he’s spent, the life that he’s lived, and memories of all of the good and bad events that have occurred within that time.

Also, if you believe his story about Barbara, he extra-hated the person he was when he was young. I don’t think he’d try to recapture or relive that time in his life.

[swindlefingrs]

Deacon Transitional Affinity Dialogue Trees

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These repeatable conversations trigger when a significant loss (or gain) of affinity is experienced, and happen in between his regular Affinity Dialogues. Deacon has a little sit down with the Sole Survivor to let them know what he’s thinking about what they’ve been up to.

The levels of affinity, from lowest to highest are:

Hated → Disdain → Neutral → Friendly → Admiration → Idolize

Increase in Affinity

Admiration to Idolize

Decrease in Affinity

Idolize to Admiration

Admiration to Neutral

Neutral to Disdain