request! ; “hi can u do light having a lovey dovey (?) call w reader on speaker while he’s w the police department (i forgot how they’re called i haven’t watched death note in a long time) and they can hear everything 👀👀 LMAOO”
pairing : light yagami x fem!reader
word count : 0.8k
illi’s notes : i’m so sorry but i just cannot physically fathom the idea of light speaking truly lovey dovey and romantic to his gf—even more so on the phone with the task force listening…so i tried my best to honor your request while also staying in character! i’m sorry if it doesn’t live up to your expectations, anon </3
“It’s…my girlfriend.” Light muttered beneath his breath, a visible sign of irritation forming between his brows the moment he saw your name pop up on his screen.
Light—to popular speculation actually does love you, dotes on you from time to time, and overall appreciates the efforts you put into the relationship you both share, but in that moment? Where L had seemed to be more annoying than usual? He was at his wit’s end.
And you only added fuel to the fire.
“Girlfriend?” L murmured, knees to his chest with the tip of his thumb to his lip—the only one sitting the most abnormally compared to the rest of the task force seated in headquarters.
“Huh…I didn’t think you’d have one, Light. Perhaps we should put her on the phone?”
Would his percentage of being kira multiply if he said no? Would L question him? Corner him while he was this easily irritable—vulnerable?
“Unless you have something to hide?” L smiled ever so slightly, that unsettling twist of his lips just plain creepy.
Damn L…
“No, of course not…”
With a simple tap against the bright green button on his phone, your voice rang out, catching the attention of almost—if not all the members of the task force. At least Mogi, Ide, and Aizawa had the decency of pretending not to listen—Matsuda, clueless as he is blankly stared like a child. The moron…
“Light!” The sound of you was equally heart-warming and bothersome, your cheery, bright tone causing a few eyes to widen. Who knew Light’s girlfriend would be so…chipper? A complete contrast to him. It was like a kitten dating a tiger.
“Hey, I’m working right now…I don’t have much time to talk. It’s best if we call later alright—“
“But you’re always busy with work nowadays.” You pouted through the screen, a small yet noticeable change in your voice. He could only take—only do so much with others listening in on him. Perhaps if you were alone the call would’ve gone a different direction…
“I miss you, Light. It seems like you’re so much more interested in work than you are with me.” You sighed, waiting for a reply just to be shut down with silence.
“Light? Hello?”
“I’m here…sweetheart, but as I said I’m busy—“
“So busy you can’t even kiss me goodbye anymore!?”
Light’s eyes shut harshly, internally cursing you—and L, who was currently staring holes into his back as well as the rest of the task force who inevitably couldn’t help themselves. It was human nature.
“I…”
“See? Speechless!” you huffed, sitting up in your bed, the sound of your body shifting against the soft sheets sending a small ripple of aggravation and desire through his spine. You were unknowingly killing him.
“I miss your lips, Light. Your sweet words…you don’t say anything nice like you used to..” You whispered, letting out another sound of exasperation.
“I…I love you. I do, and I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting…baby…and how the kira case has consumed our relationship. I’ll make it up to you soon, okay? Wherever you wanna go I’ll take you.” Light could only take so much, and your weak, fragile voice was the last thing it took to knock him down. He was a man of course, it was his biology.
“Really?!” The sound of the newfound excitement radiating from you made his shoulders relax, the others in the room disappearing temporarily. It was just you and him.
“Yes.”
“You’ll be home on time tonight too right?”
“I’ll…see what I can do.”
“Yay!! I love yousooomuch, Light! I’ll see you soon, okay?—Hey, wait—take your time today actually! Maybe I’ll have time to make you something before you get home!” You giggled, smiling as you popped up from bed, already making your way to the kitchen.
“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”
“Mmwaah!” You sent an air kiss before hanging up the phone, happily skipping across the tiled floor. Now it’s time to think about where you want him to take you!
Light turned around, shoving his phone back into his pocket—his eyes looking over everyone. All their eyes on him.
“So sentimental.” Ryuk chuckled darkly beside him, that same expression of annoyance gracing Light’s features once again.
“Your girlfriend sure does sound sweet, Light!” Matsuda smiled, the carefree look on his face pushing Light to not even bother and say something to him. What an idiot…
“Thanks..”
“Yes, Light. What a caring partner you have, and…how emotional you are. I assumed you would’ve been more stoic and logical.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Ah, you saw through that didn’t you?” L deadpanned, a tiny trace of a smirk on his lips.
“Just forget this. It’s irrelevant now.” Light replied, “as you can see this was just an innocent conversation with my girlfriend, nothing more nothing less. May we move on to more important matters?”
“Hm, of course.” L mumbled, turning back around in his chair.
OVERVIEW: light became a bit bored with being Kira…so starting a new game didn’t seem like a bad idea.
warning(s): PURE ANGST. light x female reader. manipulation…i mean it’s light..he’s not normal or a nice person. Reader is like crazy for the sake of this. Ryuk is chilling in Lights house eating all the apples! Lowk long
@ysvanielle here u go! lmk ur thoughts! (⸝⸝> ᴗ•⸝⸝)
Light sees everything. From the long boring days to the most exciting chase. To how a person can easily lie of how they truly feel. It was like reading a open book that only he could understand.
Exhibit A: a girl was currently crying in front of her boyfriend, who is now her ex because he cheated on her. She may be crying, but on the inside she’s happy because she also cheated on him. But he’ll never know.
Exhibit B: A guy is hanging out with his friends. But is clearly the fourth wheel of their friendship that was built over the years.
Last, Exhibit C: there’s another girl who looks completely normal and sane as she smiles at her friends and strangers. Deep down she was the complete opposite.
That’s what Light exactly needed. Exhibit C girl, was you. Someone who can easily drop their own act around him.
He slowly but steadily watched you. Like a prey. Waiting to make his move at the right time. Seeing you steping away from your bag, prefect.
Ditching the death note into the open bag. Then stood near by awaiting for your presence. Exactly ten minutes and you appeared relieved.
“What is this?” You muttered to yourself picking up the black and white book. Not knowing a new game has just begun.
“That’s mine.” Light appeared in front of you with his signature smirk, or smile.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know—”
“Stealing isn’t good, you know.”
“I didn’t steal. It appeared out of nowhere—”
“Meet me here again tomorrow. Same time.” He smiled, walked then slowly leaned into your face. “Oh, and keep the notebook just for tonight. Feel free to write a name down.” Your ears tickled due to how soft his whisper was and he disappeared.
Feel free to write a name down echoed in your brain. You were a people pleaser so you carefully thought of a name. Thankfully, you were no fool of the death note.
Your deadbeat dad, who abused your family until no end. That was the final decision. The name who caused pain and suffering in your life.
Not even a second later, the once loud living room became dead silent. Followed by a screeching chorus.
All you could do was smile.
“Did you do it?” The same damn smirk again.
With a nod, that smirk became wider.
“And how did you feel afterwards?” He carefully glanced at you.
“Amazing.” Your smile become a laugh. Not a sweet or amusing one but a wicked kind.
That was all it took and you were already in the plams of his hand.
Surely, you would never go back to your faking innocent and kind ways. That power was what you longed for all along in your empty sad world.
“Good.” Light gave a sweet smile that held no meaning behind it. “You can return it now.” Yes, he needed a reaction from you.
Return…echoed in your mind. The thought of giving the death note up felt like ripping away apart of yourself. There had to be another way..
Light held out his hand patiently waiting for the book.
You gritted your teeth placing the book in his hand. But not letting go.
“Oh? Don’t want to let go?” This was amusing.
Both of you had a frim grip onto the note book. Until you didn’t anymore. It return to its orignal owner.
“Work for me. We can destroy evil together.” Light proposed knowing you wouldn’t say no. All he needs is a simple agreement. Whatever you had done last night was your awakening.
“…okay.”
A couple days passed and you were already deep into it. Light advise ditching everyone in your life he needed you to be fully committed. So when your time comes, no one would mourn you.
The doubts and concers were simply washed away as he reassured being caught by the police was not going to happen. Though there was another meaning behind that.
Name after another.
Careful tactics.
Excellent strategy.
Only Light knew how everything works.
You were just the pawn.
“I’m going out.” Light announced leaving you. But he never announced where. It could be anywhere for all you cared. Except the place you least expected.
“Good evening officer…I found Kira.”
Dead silent. Not a single cop moved from their seat.
“Say that again…son. You better not be playing tricks right not. I will put you in jail.” The officer glared at the brown hair boy.
“I would never.” Light shake his head. “I will lead the way.” Six more officers rushed and tagged along. While he smirked.
You were just minding your own business. Light would be back any second now. With a knock, you opened the door with cops in your face.
“Don’t move! We will shoot!” So you froze.
Then your eyes caught light.
What happened to the promise of not being caught?
This could not be the end for you…you still needed to destory evil, right?
Your eyes glanced at the death note. Wanting to cry. Which vanished with anger at Light. All he did was smile at your misery.
Moving your hand caused a bullet through your head.
In the end, Light was right. No one mourned you and he had his fun. His identity was protected. Snatching away the death note leaving a psychotic smirk on his face the whole day.
I am so excited for this! But I am already struggling and it's only day one 😭I know that being on a time crunch is part of the challenge, but I will say that it is properly kicking my ass.
I have an idea that I want to write within a certain amount of words so that I don't spend all day writing and I am absolutely failing. Might just restart it all again. I don't know. Let's crash and burn.
Day One - Soulmate
Here is an excerpt - will it stay in? Maybe not. But I felt like I needed to post something from my toils
-
Clutching his chest, Light tore himself out of his nightmare. It was the most common dreams he'd have of his soulmate. Whatever life they lived had ended in tragedy. Most people speak about their memories of mundane moments in the kitchen, of traveling, or having children.
But Light’s was of him killing his soulmate.
Of hating his soulmate.
Disoriented, Light reached out for the gloves at his bedside table. Before the room could spin into place, he was pulling the tight leather gloves over his fingers, the repeated task giving him some sense of solace.
“Are you okay, Light-Kun?” A low voice from across their shared dormitory sent a jolt up Light’s spine. With little mental space for reaction, Light’s stiff body fell onto the floor, his limbs sprawling.
“I’m fine.” Light groaned, his limbs throbbing as he tried to pull himself back together.
Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Fifty-nine: Love
Chapter Fifty-nine: Love
[A/N: Rip, sorry for the cliffhanger there. As promised, this story is not abandoned and it will be finished…eventually.
It’s only a matter of when, so my deepest apologies. It’s hard out here being an adult, plus my previous laptop sucked and made it super hard to write. Honestly, I had a lot of personal issues going on with my family, and that coupled with work, put me in a sort of rut. However, I’m back, trying my best, and this story is my first priority to finish. I do have plans for other stories in the future, including original ones, so stay tuned for that as well! The first part of this chapter is mostly a flashback from Keiko’s POV, a continuation of the previous chapter, so the flashback part is in italics. I hope that’s clear with the formatting, lol.
Another reminder that I do not have a beta and I do my best to edit myself, but there will be things that I miss (plus I am rusty). This is purely for fun. Thank you if you are still here reading this, I hope that you enjoy it. Please leave a comment and let me know it’s not just me rambling over here by myself, lmao.Thanks y’all for reading, again, I genuinely appreciate it!
-Stephanie]
Keiko’s POV:
The moonlight peaked through the curtain in the window, shining brightly as it lit up the darkened bedroom. Despite the lateness of the hour, Keiko was awake and alert, sitting upright on her bed. It seemed as though sleepless nights were becoming her new normal, more so than before. The thoughts that raced through her head made it hard for her to sleep, no matter how exhausted she was. Her hand mindlessly raked through her disheveled hair as she thought back to the other night with L. That scene kept replaying in her head, over and over again. Although she was alone, she could still feel her cheeks flaming at the thought of his sudden raw confession.
Embarrassment was something she was unfortunately rather familiar with, something she seemed she couldn’t run away from. Her own awkwardness aside, she honestly wasn’t sure who had been more flustered at the time. It appeared even the world’s greatest detective wasn’t immune to having messy, confusing emotions.
That’s what flustered Keiko the most; seeing L, who was usually so stone-faced, be vulnerable with her. It was rather jarring. It was rare to see him be open, to admit to his emotions, or rather, admit to even having emotions. Despite this, Keiko believed every word he had said. She suspected that last night was probably the most open he had been in years, or perhaps his entire life. He had been so open, so vulnerable, and dare she say, nervous.
Keiko had to admit, she was never sure how to deal with L, he had always been a mystery of sorts. It had to be a talent of his, confusing people and making them feel as though he could read their every thought. This was a talent that Keiko did not share. Even with his sudden confession, she still had no idea what he was thinking. It was both a blessing and a curse, something that flip flopped every few minutes.
Right now, it was a curse, and Keiko was frustrating herself with trying to understand the world’s greatest detective. She found herself once again running through their conversation. It was fresh in her mind from her constant repetition, as if it were evidence of something, as if it would give her any sort of clue.
“It’s not an ideal time, but, I suppose to be entirely transparent, I have strong feelings for you, Keiko Kagami…in fact, I think it’s safe to say, I’m in love with you…I have been for a while now.”
The world’s greatest detective is…he’s in love with me…?!!
To say Keiko was absolutely stunned would be an understatement. She had been hoping for weeks, months even, that L had felt the same way, that he had also been falling for her, and yet…she found herself at a total loss for words when it had actually happened.
This was it, the moment she had been waiting for, but still…she realized with embarrassment that she had never prepared for how to react. She was not sure how to react, what to say or what to do. Keiko wasn’t sure what L was looking for, or why exactly he chose now to let those words free. Her heart thumped away in her chest, so loud to her own ears that she was certain that L could hear it, too. The warmth of his hand, which was lightly squeezing her own, brought her back to her current reality.
As surprising as it seemed, he looked uncertain. There was an earnest, almost anxious expression on his face. For once, it was as though their roles had been reversed. He was the nervous one, or rather, he was also nervous. That was for sure. There he was, his dark eyes staring into her own, as he waited for a response. A word, a subtle movement. Anything.
Keiko looked him over, unable to hide the shock from her face, eh?! Is he…is he serious…?
His eyes, soft and vulnerable, never left her own. She searched his face for more answers, but found none, only more questions. Her fingers pressed against his own, confirming that he was in fact real; she was really experiencing this, it was not a dream or an illusion. The sudden hand movement got his attention rapt, and she remembered that she still had a voice. Sort of.
“I-I…” Keiko trailed off. She wasn’t sure where to begin. Or how to even start processing what L had just confessed. “I, um…you…you…really…?”
Wow, Keiko kicked herself, you have a way with words…but is he…?! In love?! With me…?! You mean to tell me…this is real…? Not one of my dumb dreams?
“I’m sorry.” The great detective’s voice broke through the sudden silence. His gaze was still soft, his voice almost as quiet as hers had been. It seemed he was also at a loss for words, unable to properly respond or react. Keiko supposed this made sense, he was probably just as surprised as she was at himself. Given his behavior and his body language, she could tell that he seemed genuine. There was no snark, no sneaky sarcasm, no monotone. For once, he only seemed to be full of pure, raw emotion.
It was odd, almost surreal, but Keiko had already established that this wasn’t a dream. For better or for worse, this was real life. This was her life. This was his life on the line.
Keiko’s heart did a somersault, right…his life is still…very much in danger.
“I know, Keiko. I know I’m being rather selfish right now…especially given the current circumstances,” L continued, and Keiko realized he had once again read her thoughts. “I’m not being very fair, my life is on the line, and you’ve been trying really hard…pretending really hard, to protect me. I have no right to confess to you like this…therefore, I apologize. Please pretend I didn’t say anything, if you’d like…”
Pretend?! He wants to pretend this never happened?! How? How can I go back to how I was a few minutes ago, it’s impossible. He must know that…right? He must know how crazy that sounds to me, there’s no way he means that, right?!
“L…” Keiko trailed off, unable to figure out the right words to say. She could still feel his fingers holding her own, and she was once again reminded of their close proximity to each other. A surge of electricity coursed through her veins at his touch, and she felt momentarily bold. Bold enough to speak her mind for a second, “I could never pretend…”
She paused, the moment over almost as soon as it began as she found herself speechless again. Staring into his dark eyes and thinking were two things that did not go hand in hand. Although she could not fully express herself in words, she found herself thinking that she could express herself in other ways. Ways that she should not be thinking about, not when she was technically still dating Light Yagami, pretend or not. Despite herself, she glanced over at the detective’s lips, which were entirely within kissing reach. All she wanted to do was lean over and bridge the already increasingly small gap between their bodies.
Oh no no no no. This is dangerous, Keiko Kagami. Too dangerous. It’s too hard to think clearly like this. Not when he looks so open, so vulnerable, and so kissable like that. You have to be strong, for him. Not kissing him is protecting him, remember? You’re with Light for a reason, as he said…but still…
Keiko needed a moment, or rather, several moments to collect herself. Something she simply could not do while staring into his inviting eyes or his enticing lips. It was taking all of her energy to not give in.
I can’t stay here with him…not like this…not when he’s so close. Not when he’s just confessed to me like that…I’d be too tempted…scratch that, I’m already too tempted…
She figured she should start by removing his hand from hers. Then she would slowly make her escape. However, this proved to be a rather hard feat when he squeezed even tighter onto her own hand.
“I know we shouldn’t, but…I don’t want you to go…” the detective’s voice was even softer than before, Keiko had to strain to hear it.
Had he even meant for her to hear? Was he even aware of what he was saying? This was unlike him, and she had a feeling he was holding back just as hard as she was. That thought alone made her heart pound, and she felt torn once more.
“I’m sorry…” Keiko replied, “I…”
I wasn’t expecting this…? I don’t know what to say anymore…I don’t know how to act or what to do. I don’t know whether to pull away or to give in. But I do know one thing: I love him, too. I’m in love with the world’s greatest detective. Despite the danger, despite Kira, should I tell him that? Doesn’t he already know how I feel? I suppose he does, but it’s one thing to think it and another entirely to hear it, if this conversation is any indication. Should I tell him clearly, like he just told me?
She let out a soft sigh, nonono. The danger, it’s far too dangerous. You don’t know what it could lead to…well…maybe you do know what it would lead to, but…you really can’t afford to be confessing to the world’s greatest detective right now, let alone thinking about him loving you and what that could potentially lead to. Not when he’s in grave danger. After all, you were going to leave, weren’t you? If the roles are reversed, you should be the strong one this time around, for him…For L.
“I can’t sta-I mean, er…I shouldn’t stay, even if I wan-if I want- I mean…we shouldn’t…I should go, right?” Her voice was slightly squeaky. If he somehow didn’t know she was nervous before, he definitely knew now. Keiko mentally kicked herself at her words.
Smooth move, Keiko. Way to go-oh god, he won’t think I’m rejecting him by what I just said, will he? I mean, I guess, technically I am, but I’m not…well, I don’t want to, but…but the situation…and Light-well Kira…I don’t even know anymore…even if I don’t say it, he must know I’m struggling to hold back, right? He surely knows I don’t want to do this, he must…I hope. He must know why I’m doing this…he said it himself a few minutes ago, when he told me to pretend…I hope he knows, at least. Either way, I have to stay firm in my resolve, I can’t let temptation get to me. Not when we’re this close to the end…
The detective, seemingly brought back to reality, let out a little cough as he let go of Keiko’s hand. A move that Keiko was all too familiar with, one that she pulled rather often herself. It was odd to see coming from him, especially when he was usually so sure of himself and his actions. When he usually never second guessed himself or his beliefs. His cool, confident demeanor had momentarily slipped away.
No way…there’s no way. Is he feeling…awkward?
She wondered once more what he was thinking. Again, she hoped that he didn’t take things the wrong way. She hoped that he could read in between the lines, to read that she wanted nothing more than to stay with him. To be with him. To have what she couldn’t have, especially now when time was not on their side.
Stay strong, you have to stay strong, Keiko Kagami.
“You’re right,” L’s voice rang out. It was louder now, and it had lost its initial softness, but was still gentle. His eyes gazed into hers as he drew a quick breath, “I don’t know what came over me…”
He’s really…vulnerable right now…he’s not used to letting himself feel, is he? I must be right, this must really be a rare occurrence for him. In fact, I know it’s a rare occurrence…him truly letting his guard down around me…it shows how genuine he’s being right now, how much he truly cares about me…
Keiko felt heartbroken, almost guilty, at her dismissive response. Her heart, which had been soaring mere moments ago, felt as though it had taken a deep plunge. Despite trying to do what she thought was right, what if she had been wrong? Should she have approached the situation in a different way? Without giving in to him, what else could she do?
Nono, Keiko, it’s all right. As long as he’s alive and well, it’s all right, Keiko tried to reason with herself, it’ll all be okay in the end, anyway. You’re doing this for his benefit, you’re doing this to try and stop Light…
Even so, she felt almost empty. Seeing him raw and emotional like this hurt her. All she wanted to do was lean over and physically show him how much she cared for him. To kiss him, to embrace him, to show him that he wasn’t alone in his feelings. It hurt, logically knowing that doing that would potentially hurt him, which was the last thing she wanted to do. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right. Light Yagami shouldn’t have this much power over her, but Kira was evil. Kira would stop at nothing to see L perish. The thought made Keiko shiver and she had to keep her eyes from watering. She wasn’t sure how she felt, she was so conflicted, and seeing L like this was gnawing at her heart. Keiko averted her eyes, feeling flustered, but this time for different reasons than usual.
“It’s not your fault, Keiko…” the great detective spoke, as if seeming to realize what Keiko had been thinking. A truly uncanny ability of his once again. However, Keiko was thankful, not embarrassed, at his skills. She swallowed, listening intently as he carried on, seeming more like himself. “I apologize, Keiko Kagami. I shouldn’t have told you that, at least not right now…like I said, it isn’t fair…”
At his words, Keiko felt herself freeze once more, what does he mean by that? ‘At least not right now’? Whatever does he mean? He doesn’t regret telling me, does he? I don’t want him to regret it, not at all, but still…ugh, there’s truly not enough time to process this right now…not enough time to process anything at the moment…
Before she could wonder anymore, L continued on, “you don’t have to give me a response. I understand well enough why, I know you care about me, so please don’t worry…and you’re right, you should go…”
Keiko wasn’t sure whether she should feel upset or relieved at his words. On one hand, he was comforting her. On the other, he was telling her to go. In context, they made sense. Logically, they made sense. They both knew that it was the right thing to do. But her heart…her heart was another matter entirely…even though she knew they couldn’t be together, hearing him tell her to go was not quite how she would’ve wanted his confession to go.
Before she could process anything else, he pulled his hand away from hers. She immediately missed his warmth, but she knew better than to grab onto him, to hold him despite how much she wanted to. Despite how much she craved it. She let out a breath, trying to collect herself.
I just…he has to know how I feel, right? She met his eyes once more, and she had the feeling that he had not once looked away from her.
“L…I’m sorry…I wish…” Keiko trailed off, feeling less bold than she had before. She couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence. Her heart, which had gone through several ups and downs in the last few minutes, was still pumping strong. She wondered if he could still hear it, if he could hear her, what she wished she could say.
“You wish things could be different?” the raven haired detective finished for her, a knowing look in his eyes, and the ghost of a smile on his lips. It was almost as though he was back to his old self. It was almost as though this conversation had never even happened. Like he was teasing her as per usual. Almost. It was enough to give Keiko some much needed relief. The guilt within her eased some, and she could let her guard down a little.
Keiko nodded, “yes.”
More than anything in the whole wide world, yes…I love you, L. I love you, too. If only I could tell you, if only I could show you…but for now, this has to do…
For a moment, Keiko felt her lips slowly curve up into a small. It was both from nerves and from happiness. Despite the awkwardness and bad timing of the current situation, she felt as though she learned quite a lot about the great, raven haired detective. It was bittersweet, the one time he could be honest with her was the time she had to hold herself back. It really was truly unfair, but at least she knew just how he felt about her. No beating around the bush, no more wondering late at night when she should’ve been trying to get some much needed sleep. It was one curiosity she could finally put to rest. It was as good of a confirmation as any.
So, he’s actually human too. Confirmed, this time…I think. And he’s in love with…me?! I can’t believe it…as confusing as the situation is, as hard as the situation is, it’s still…it’s still enough to warm my heart, to keep me going. Assuming we are able to stop Light at all and let real justice prevail…perhaps…perhaps L and I can revisit this conversation…but for now, I really should get going…before anything else happens between us.
True to her word, Keiko took a painfully slow step towards the door, towards the hallway. It was difficult to find the motivation to peel herself away from him, especially after his confession, but she knew nothing more could happen between them. As they both had acknowledged several times, it was simply too dangerous.
After what felt like forever, Keiko made it to the door, and was about to open it when she could hear L’s voice calling behind her. It was soft again, something that seemed to be both to her and to himself. Something that nearly made Keiko stop in her tracks. Even though Keiko didn’t stop, she felt like her heart was about to stop. His words tonight were more than enough to make her give in and crumble, but she knew she had to stay strong.
Even when it was the last thing she wanted to do. His words this time were somehow even more intimate than his previous confession of love.
“I wish things were different, too.”
Keiko bit her lip so hard she nearly drew blood, bringing her back to the present moment once more. Her hand, which had been still raking through her hair, covered her mouth as she winced in pain. Even so, the physical pain seemed like almost nothing compared to the emotional turmoil she was currently facing. Despite mulling over the situation countless times in her mind, she couldn’t decipher what exactly she was thinking or feeling. Or rather, she felt as though she was thinking and feeling too much at one time. There was too much on her mind, too many emotions swirling around inside her.
It was truly bittersweet, a mixed bag. On one hand, L’s confession had her heart soaring higher than the clouds. It felt so surreal, knowing that the world’s greatest detective loved her, that he was in love with her. It felt almost too good to be true. Keiko no longer had to wonder just what the ever-so-mysterious raven haired man thought about her.
On the other hand, she had a feeling that this newfound knowledge would make it that much harder for her to pretend. To pretend that everything was normal, well as normal as it could be. To pretend that everything was okay, or as okay as things could be. Even more so, to pretend that she was in love with Light Yagami. Pretend that she was in love with Kira, a monster. Keiko wasn’t sure that she could do it.
But I have to…especially now…
It was a blessing, but also a curse. The world’s greatest detective, the man who could seemingly solve any and every case in the world. He had feelings for her?
What makes me so special?
It was still so fresh, so random, she would’ve pinched herself to check if it was all a dream had she not just almost bit her lip super hard. It was almost as though her ears had been deceiving her. Had L really said such a thing the other night, or was she just simply hearing what she had wanted to hear?
Keiko was also starting to wonder things that perhaps she shouldn’t. However, she couldn’t stop herself. Not now. Not when so much had already happened between them. With his confession, she realized that a whole new can of worms had been opened. There were somehow even more questions than answers.
When? When did he start to feel this way? For how long…? I know he said ‘a while’ but a while is subjective, isn’t it? What exactly is ‘a while’ to a great detective? I wonder, I wonder so much it’s driving me crazy. Just how long has he felt this way, how long has he liked me for exactly…? When did his interest in me turn into love…could it have been around that one night…since then…?
Keiko thought back to the time L and her had suddenly kissed, and felt her face flaming for what felt like the thousandth time that night. It had been a while back, but she still could feel his lips on her own like it was yesterday.
No no…that couldn’t have been it…right? That so-called ‘mistake’ he had said. That was so long ago…but if not, then when? Keiko thought back, trying to remember all of their interactions, there’s been a lot of times…too many times…that I wondered, just wondered, if he liked me…I felt like I was going insane from frustration, but what if…? Has he truly had feelings for me this whole time?
Keiko sighed, deciding to finally lie down once more on her bed after a yawn had escaped her tired lips. It was far, far too late. There were many thoughts circling around in that head of hers, but she finally felt like perhaps sleep was catching up to her.
However, she thought as she snuggled into her blankets, if L and I both survive this…then what does this mean…what does this mean for the both of us…? What’ll happen between us once this investigation is over…? Will anything happen…?
L’s POV:
The great raven haired detective sat at his computer chair. Despite the files he had been mindlessly scrolling through, his mind was elsewhere. Or rather, it was on someone else. A certain someone else. A certain Keiko Kagami, the young woman he was in love with. The young woman whom he had just spur-of-the-moment professed his love to the other night. It was more than enough to send even L, who had always been calm, cool, and collected into a spiral. His normal composure on this particular night had gone out the window.
L considered himself to be rather intelligent. After all, his entire career was based on being known as the world’s greatest detective, as well as the second and the third, if you included his aliases. This was something he had prided himself on, he knew the what, when, where, why, how, and who of a situation. If he didn’t, he would do everything in his power to find out. It was numbers, it was calculations and deductions. It was facts, having a clear correct answer. Something you could count on to be right, to be factual. He enjoyed a good mystery here and there, something to solve, to keep his mind busy. His job, all things considered, was usually rather easy, the Kira investigation aside.
However, when it came to emotions, L knew he was rather lacking. Emotions, his own feelings, were not facts, they were not something he could research. There was no right answer, there was no wrong answer. Nothing was clear cut. He preferred not to have any emotions in the past, they were messy and not worth the trouble. How he felt, his emotions, were simply something he did not usually try to think about, let alone dwell on for hours or days at a time.
There were not many moments in L’s life that he felt lost, that he was confused, that he didn’t have a clear cut, right or wrong answer. This was all new to him, his feelings for Keiko Kagami. His love for her, him being in love with anyone at all, was all entirely new territory. It was different, it was almost nerve wracking, it was enough to keep his mind occupied, it was enough to drive him crazy.
He thought back to the other night, “It’s not an ideal time, but, I suppose to be entirely transparent, I have strong feelings for you, Keiko Kagami…in fact, I think it’s safe to say, I’m in love with you…I have been for a while now.”
L’s confession was more than enough to earn him a lifetime of embarrassment, an emotion he was also not too familiar with. Even though Keiko had long since gone to bed, he could still feel the effects of her being around him. Thinking about her alone was enough to make him feel dizzy, but in a good way. There was electricity coursing through him, he could feel his heart pounding, his blood pumping through his body.
Is this how Keiko normally feels…? I genuinely don’t know how she does it, it still feels like a constant heart attack, being around her…this crush, this love that I feel for her…it’s something, alright.
The detective knew he should’ve been working on the investigation. After all, his life was still on the line, but he found he couldn’t focus. It wasn’t like there was a lot of new information at the moment to dive through anyway. He was still waiting on new reports from Aiber and Wedy, he had requested more information on the two prosecutors. One of those two men had to be Light’s knew Second Kira, his new killing machine. L had a strong feeling about that, given Light’s beliefs and intelligence. That and his strong sense of justice, his rather twisted strong sense of justice; L supposed a prosecutor would have to feel similar to how Light felt. It was the most likely scenario given the suspect list. Given this, L had decided to focus on those two men, Teru Mikami and Satoru Ishihara.
L shuffled around in his chair, positioning himself so that he was sitting upright. He had attempted to look through the suspect files in front of him once more to no avail. It was no use. He was still unable to focus. Keiko had stolen most of, if not all, of his attention. He thought back to their previous conversation once more, his sudden outburst. The detective thought about her reaction, how dismissive she was. It pulled on him, tugged on his heart. He knew she had been unable to respond how she wanted. She was limited by circumstances, she was limited by him. By wanting to protect him. It hurt. It hurt him, and he knew it was probably hurting Keiko even more.
Keiko…confessing to her…I know it was selfish of me…it was more than selfish of me, it was out of line, it was probably more than she could handle, I know that. I know all of that, but…I simply couldn’t stop myself…
The raven haired detective let out a sigh, I’ve been holding back these feelings for so long, days, weeks…perhaps even months…refusing to let myself feel for so long…and now that Watari’s opened my eyes, he’s told me it’s okay to feel…to recognize how I feel…because of that, I couldn’t hold back. I could no longer hold back my feelings for her…I’ve created this mess myself. I’m sorry, Keiko. It turns out intelligence doesn’t mean that you’re smart when it comes to feelings…I’ve learned my own little lesson. Emotions are as illogical as can be, emotions are not like facts. The two rarely, if ever, coexist.
At this thought, the detective let out a small chuckle, no wonder…I mean, I knew feelings clouded your judgement, I see it all the time. I saw it with Keiko and Light for so long, and yet, even I’m not immune. Experiencing this firsthand, it makes me wonder…was I too harsh on her before? I know it’s silly, but this feeling…this loss of control…this anxiety…this hold she has on me…I can’t seem to shake it. Scratch that, I don’t want to shake it. I want Keiko, I want Keiko to be happy. If at all possible, I want Keiko to be happy with me…as selfish as it is. A selfish wish, one the old me would never even consider…
“Ryuzaki-san,” the sudden voice caused L’s head to snap up. He was face to face with the older gentleman, who somehow had a look of both concern and amusement written all over him. Watari had somehow once again snuck up on him, something that used to be quite the feat but was now happening rather frequently. The detective gave a nod of acknowledgement at his sudden companion.
“Watari-san.”
“You told her how you felt?” his question, which wasn’t really a question, hung in the air between them. L could see the knowing look in his face, the gentle but stern gaze making him feel almost like a small child once again. He found it hard to speak, to admit out loud to him, even if it was Watari he was conversing with. Someone he had known almost all his life. Someone he felt like he could trust.
“There’s no use dwelling, young master. There is no changing the past. You can only move forward. You know that, right? Especially given the nature of your job, the nature of the investigation.”
At his words, L gave a slight nod. It was only natural advice. After all, Watari was correct. Life had to carry on. Life would carry on. It had to carry on, especially for him, for the investigation. However, it was Keiko that he was still worried about. His confession, his sudden and ever so selfish confession. He knew she was limited, and yet, he had failed to stop himself. Even more so, L hadn’t wanted to stop himself.
She has everything to lose, while I have nothing…I know this, how could I have done this to her…?
“She’s a strong woman, you know,” Watari continued on, a knowing look in his eyes. It was as though L’s mind was being read for once, not the other way around. It was almost enough to make him feel naked. “Give her more credit, she’s made it this far. And now, at least she knows how you feel; she doesn’t have to wonder.”
“But is it worth it?” L questioned before he could stop himself. “Is her knowing how I feel worth it?”
Watari seemed amused, “that’s not the right question, Ryuzaki-san. The question is, do you regret it? Do you regret telling her? Somehow…despite the way things are right now, I don’t think you do.”
At this, the detective paused for a moment. Even with all his thinking over the last few hours, this was something he had not yet considered.
I feel for her, I feel sorry for her, but overall, do I regret it…? Do I regret finally opening up to Keiko properly? Do I regret letting myself feel for her? Despite everything, despite all the hardships…I wonder…can I truly bring myself to regret it?
“I told you to live without regrets before…what I said still stands. Live your life without regrets, young master. With this investigation, anything could happen, lots of lives are on the line. If something were to happen, you want to know that you had done all you could until the very end…that being said, I’m sure your confession may have given Kagami-san some peace of mind. No doubt it’s been on her mind for a long time…perhaps it’s better you told her, even if it did take you a while…”
Despite the fact L thought he was being insulted a little there at the end, he found some comfort in the elder gentleman’s words, perhaps…perhaps he’s right. For better or for worse, Keiko now knows how I feel. No more mixed messages, no more accidentally, or purposefully, toying with her…it’s now out in the open, no more secrets. Not with her, not with Keiko. I love her, I’m in love with her, and no matter what, I can’t bring myself to regret confessing to her, Watari is right, it is dangerous, but there’s no changing the past…whatever happens, I’ll try my best and help her, keep her plan in action, keep Light Yagami fooled…and hopefully, we’ll get through this together…
Seemingly satisfied with the raven haired detective’s reaction, Watari gave a smile before he started to walk away, “it seems you have your answer…goodnight, or rather, good morning, Ryuzaki-san…if you have no further questions, I’ll be going to bed.”
⋇✦Synopsis: An experience with L that could have pulled you apart or pushed you closer together
⋇✦Part 3 of the Death Note series. Another flashback to your relationship with L. Part 1 and Part 2
L had his pilot’s license, and as such, he usually preferred to control the helicopter on the rare instances he used it. This time was different. There was much to think about and discuss while the two of you had headed to the scene where Higuchi had been captured and the death note had been seized. The area was still blocked off, and L wanted to walk through the events of that night once more, make sure he didn’t miss anything. Light was supposed to come as well, L’s unofficial second in command at the task force and having been the one in the helicopter with him when they’d caught Higuchi, but he’d gotten sick last minute, insisting he was vomiting profusely and unable to leave his bathroom.
So it was just you, L, and the pilot as you headed back to the taskforce. L was as concentrated and focused as you’d ever seen him, staring wide-eyed as the helicopter moved through the air, mumbling through the conversation he had had with Light. He almost appeared to be dissociating, his mind running a million miles per minute as he thought about the new information, the power of the notebook as well as the existence of Shinigami.
You were doing the same, of course. Your whole view of the world had essentially been shattered as the mystical crossed into your reality. None of it made sense, none of it fit what you knew to be true.
And yet, it was real.
Not daring to break L’s concentration, you stared out the helicopter window, trying to drone out the loud hum of the machine as you flew through the air.
You’d never been in a helicopter before. It was a terrifying, jarring experience for you; a mode of travel that appeared to be anything but safe.
L assured you that it was perfectly safe. He’d been on a million times before, throwing out statistics of helicopter crashes and probability. It wasn’t the percentages that eased your anxious heart; it was L’s presence. You had this belief that nothing could touch you as long as he was by your side.
Since you’d first kissed those few weeks ago, there’d been no more conversation about your feelings and no move made by L for any sort of physical affection. You believed that he must have kissed you, decided he didn’t like it, and wanted to forget the whole experience.
The thought hurt your heart, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him about it. Like he’d said; it was highly inappropriate.
“We’re dipping at an alarming rate.”
L’s voice brought you back to the present, making you realize that, yeah, you were going down and fast. A panic gripped your throat as your eyes shot to look at the pilot. His mouth was pressed in a hard line as he ignored L’s observation.
“You need to pull up,” L tried this time, leaning forward in his seat to touch the pilot’s shoulder, trying to get his attention.
The pilot flinched slightly; you could see his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard.
“Now!” L was harsh and commanding, a cadence you’d never heard from the detective, and now you were well past panic. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. You could see the pilot’s knuckles turning white from gripping the control so hard.
“L…”
The man took a deep breath, and then suddenly he was yanking with all his might. A moment later, the control snapped, coming off in his hands.
You could only stare in disbelief.
“Sato!” L yelled, alarmed, as the pilot began to sob quietly.
“I’m sorry…”
L’s eyes flickered to yours, somehow appearing amazingly calm despite what was happening. The pilot broke the control of the helicopter. You were going to crash.
You were going to die.
L stood quickly, leaning over the control panel to try and see what they could do. “He must be being controlled by Kira!” He said loudly, but the pilot shook his head.
“He’s not going to kill me… He threatened to kill my family if I didn’t do this. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t have a choice…”
How the hell did this happen? How could Kira know to threaten the helicopter pilot, that L would even be there? There was only one explanation.
Light.
L quickly fumbled above the main rotor, pulling out the parachute pack. There was only one
L considered his next steps. How were all three of you getting out of this alive? While preoccupied with the parachute, you gave a heart wrenching scream. His eyes darted to you before following your alarmed gaze to the pilot. He had a gun to his head.
“I’m sorry.” Before L could stop him, the man pulled the trigger.
You were crying openly now, having never seen such a gruesome, horrific scene. The pilot had killed himself, but not before signing off on your and L’s own death.
L stood in shock only for one moment before he was spurred into action, putting the parachute bag on, buckling it all in place.
“We have to go,” he told you, grabbing your hand and pulling you up from your seat despite your cries. There was no time to comfort you now.
He was buckling you into place against his chest when you protested. “L… L I can’t! I’m too scared!”
He ignored your pleas and cries as he finished fixing you against him.
“There’s no other option. We have to.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to the open door of the helicopter. “On the count of three.”
He didn’t even say one before he was falling forward, taking both of you out of the moving aircraft and plunging towards the ground.
Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you fell through the sky. Your eyes were clenched shut, breath caught in your throat. The wind was roaring in your ears, and they only thing that kept your soul in your body was L’s tight grip around you.
“It’s okay. I got you,” L assured you as you dove back down to Earth.
The forty five seconds it took to reach the ground seemed to drag on forever. You were still certain you were about to meet your death, waiting every agonizing second to hit the ground and ascend into nothingness.
L knew you weren’t nearly high enough for a clean landing. As the ground fast approached, he readied himself. L did the best to take the brunt of the crash as the two of you hit the ground roughly, sending you skipping over the floor with the momentum until you finally skidded to a stop.
It was painful, felt as if you’d been hit by a bus. Your ribs felt crushed, and you’d hit your head.
But you were alive.
You and L laid on the floor like that for sometime, breaths coming out in ragged pants as your heart continued to race in your chest.
When you finally felt as if you could breathe normally again, L reached around, beginning to unbuckle the two of you from the parachute. He carefully rolled you off of him to the ground, wincing as he sat up so he could check you over.
It took some will power, but you slowly opened your eyes, looking up into L’s wide dark ones. He had a look that you’d never seen before, an emotion you could quite place. “Are you alright?” He all but whispered.
Instead of answering, you hugged him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down tightly against you. You were alive. You were with L.
That was all that mattered.
~
Watari sent a car for you, putting out word of the helicopter crash to news outlets. L wasn’t quite sure how he was going to approach this situation, whether or not he was going to confront Light. For the first time, L didn’t want to think about it.
You made it to the task force. The ride was mostly silent. But where as you and L usually sat on opposite ends of the car, keeping appropriate distance, L now had you pulled tightly against him still, an arm wrapped around your shoulder so you could rest your head against his chest.
He kept his hold on you as you both made your way up to taskforce headquarters. You weren’t sure you could make it home, weren’t sure you wanted to be home alone, and thankfully it seemed that you wouldn’t have to be. L hadn’t let go of you since you jumped from the helicopter, and it didn’t appear he was going to anytime soon.
L rarely slept, and the one or two times you’d seen him doze off, it was in his chair, in that same strange position he insisted on sitting in. Never in a bed.
But you knew there was a bed. You knew, because you seemed to be the only one who slept in it. After one or two late nights where public transportation wasn’t available any longer and Watari had long gone to sleep, L had shown you to a bedroom where you could sleep so you wouldn’t be stuck on the taskforce couch.
This is where he lead you now. He kicked off his shoes at the door and guided you to sit on the bed. Still in silence, he finally left your side, only returning a moment later to hand you a cup of water.
“Is there anything else you need?”
His soft voice was jarring, breaking through the dissociative state you had retreated to and bringing you back to him.
You were ready to say no, but stopped yourself. You did need something, and you could have died without ever voicing it. Had you not been in the helicopter today, you might have spent all your remaining time with L in silence, never speaking up and telling him what you really felt.
But you were in that helicopter. You had almost died, but you didn’t. You were here now, and you weren’t going to do yourself a disservice any longer.
“Stay with me? Please?”
L stares at you only for a moment. He doesn’t even bother to change from his clothes, dirtied from skipping across the ground, just nods and climbs onto the bed, slowly laying down, looking up at you and watching as you do the same.
You lay facing L, lips parted ever so slightly as you allowed yourself to admire in, take in his features. His pale skin, his dark hair and eyes. You remembered the feeling of his thumb dragging across your lips, what it felt like to kiss him. You wanted it again. You wanted L.
You loved L.
L reached out for you, pulling you to him in a hug so your face rested against his chest, and it’s a mix of euphoria and disappointment that comes through you, because of course you wanted to be in his arms. But you wanted more, too.
You stay like this for just a few minutes. L is so still that you’re slowly beginning to wonder whether or now he’d fallen asleep, but he finally pulls back to look down at you, and your eyes meet again.
You hold your breath, not daring to break the gaze or the silence. You’re waiting on him, waiting to see what his next move will be.
When he kisses you, it’s fast and with a sudden ferocity that takes you off guard. Just as quickly as his arms had been wrapped around you, his hands are now gripping your face, holding tightly as his lips press and move against yours.
Unlike last time, they’re nothing slow, gentle, or unsure about this kiss. It’s passionate and needy and urgent. As soon as you return the kiss, L’s rolling over on top of you, pinning your body down with his and pressing against you. His lips move quickly over yours, like he’s been stranded in the desert, and your lips are his first drink of water.
The way he kisses you, the way he feels pressing against you, it sends sparks through your whole body, exciting you with the possibility of something new.
As L’s hands travel from your face down to your hips, you allow yours to tangle in his hair, weaving your fingers through those unruly locks like you’d so longed to do. You match the intensity of his kiss, letting your tongue sweep out over his lower lip in a courageous move. L’s mouth opens to you then.
The kiss is borderline sloppy, desperate, all clashing teeth and twisted tongues. It’s the most emotion you’ve ever felt from L, like this was the very first time he was completely letting down his guard and walls with you, and you’re determined not to waste the moment.
When you feel something hard pressing against you, you know that your actions are having their desired effect, but the fact that somehow you’ve been able to turn L on, that your kisses make him hard…
It’s almost too much for you. You moan into the kiss, the sound being swallowed up by L, and he groans in response, a deep, throaty sound that sends shivers through you.
You need more of that. You need more of L.
Untangling your fingers from L’s hair, you drag your hands down L’s clothed chest, down to his taut stomach. Hands finding the hem of his shirt, you tug on it with a whine.
If L has any hesitancy, he doesn’t show it. His hands pull from your body only to sit up and grab his shirt by the collar. He pulls it over his head in that hot, masculine sort of way you’d only seen in movies before.
He pulls the shirt off, tossing it to the side. You only have a moment to admire his pale skin and slender form before he’s back on you once more, his fingers digging into your hips as he presses tight against you.
It’s L’s turn for his hands to find the hem of your shirt, but instead of tugging, they slip underneath. His touch is cold against your warm skin, and you hiss at the contact. His hands warm quickly from touching you as they slide over your stomach slowly, as if he were trying to memorize the feel of you.
It’s agony and bliss, waiting for L to take the next move, to do something. Want is creeping through your stomach as you continue to kiss, and finally L’s hands move up.
There’s a hint of uncertainty in L, and you can feel it, the way his hands stutter and stop. But it’s only for a moment because instead of cowering or waiting, you arch upwards, desperate for L to do something more.
And so he does, taking the hint and letting his hands move up and wander over your covered breasts. He squeezes and massages them over your bra before his bony fingers are gripping the top of the fabric and pulling it down.
With your nipples exposed now, he pinches them between his thumbs and forefingers. Gingerly, he tugs and twists them lightly, drinking in the way you whine and whimper.
He breaks the kiss suddenly, peppering your cheek, down your jaw, until his lips land on your throat, and they don’t cease for a moment. He kisses and sucks at the sensitive skin there, surprising you as he begins to nip.
“L,” you moan out, a move that has him rutting himself against your thigh suddenly, longing for more friction.
It’s clear to both of you what you want. Nothing about this makeout session is gentle or leisurely. It’s filled with want and lust and a type of desperation that can only come from realizing you could have died without ever being together like this.
It’s like he reads your mind. With the one moan of his name, a single syllable, L knows exactly what you want. He gives one last hard suck against your neck, hoping to leave even the tiniest of marks before he sits back on his haunches. You sit up with him, and as L lifts your shirt, you help pull it over your head before you’re reaching behind you to unclasp your bra.
Your eyes meet L’s dark ones. His pupils are completely blown out, dilated even bigger than normal as his eyes wander down to take you in.
Biting your lip, you let the bra fall, leaving yourself bare in front of him for the first time. L’s lips part as he sucks in a breath.
He’s stunned by the beauty of you laid nude like this in front of him. It’s the first time he’d ever seen a woman this way; the first time he’d ever wanted to see a woman like this.
Eyes lingering for a moment longer, L pushes you back onto the bed with a kiss. When your back hits the mattress, L sits up again. His fingers fumble with the buckle of your pants before he tugs them down, aided as you lift your hips up for him.
In a quick movement, L slides your panties and pants down all at once, and then you’re completely naked and vulnerable underneath him.
This time, L stops for more than just a moment. He reaches out pale hands to massage your breasts, dragging down over your stomach and hips, down your thighs, wanting to touch every part of you.
“You’re very beautiful…” He murmurs as his eyes wander up to meet yours once more. The simple declaration sets your whole body alight, and it has you reaching up to kiss him once more.
Without pulling his lips from yours, L manages to shuffle his own bottoms off. He hisses against your lips as his erection hits the cold air as it bounces up against his stomach.
Tongue still tangling and playing against yours, he lays you back against the bed once more, crawling on top of you.
His fingers trailed down between your thighs, pads of his fingers pressing against your wet entrance, dragging your slick through your lips.
“Please,” you whimper against his lips. “Please, L… I want you now.”
L is in no position to deny you your request. He doesn’t want to wait any longer.
There will be plenty of times to take it slow, to study each others bodies, explore what makes you tick.
This isn’t one of those times.
This is almost primal, all instinct and need, and it can’t wait.
The kiss is broken so L can lean back, watch what he’s doing as he grips his length to drag it between your wet lips.
Sucking in a breath, you look down to see him gathering up your slick. You’re left a little awestruck at what you see, his thick girth filling his hand, the length of it you’re sure will reach spots inside of you your fingers have never touched.
L doesn’t waste anytime after that, pushing inside of you slowly, with all the restraint he can manage. His thick cock stretches your pussy completely; it’s like you can feel his every vein as they drag against your walls.
“L,” you moan out, dropping your head back against the pillow. Your eyes screw shut as he presses inside of you. It seems to go on forever, like he’ll never stop the first thrust into you.
And then he does, bottoming out completely, and your eyes are rolling back in your head. You reach blindly for him, fingers finding his shoulders as you grip on for dear life.
L leans over you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to hold you tight as he starts shallow, quick thrusts. They’re rough and hard, bringing out moans and whimpers as he buries his face against the crook of your neck.
“You feel so good… So good…” L mutters against you, babbling mindlessly. His free hand is gripping the headboard behind you, using it as leverage as his cock thrusts deeper and deeper.
“Don’t stop…” you beg as your nails run down his back, raking red lines against his bleached skin. You try to lift your hips, to meet each thrust, but it’s nearly impossible to keep up with the fast pace that L has set.
L groans unabashedly, humping into you with a vigor. The tight clasp of your cunt is sending stars flashing across his vision. It’s so good, too good. He doesn’t know how he’d gone without this, without you, for so long.
The thought, the knowledge that he almost missed this, lights a new ferocity in him.
He releases the tight grip on you, both hands going to grip the headboard tightly as he pulls himself back so only the tip is still inside before he snaps his hips forward.
The clap of L’s hips against yours is fast and constant.
It's mind numbingly good, the feeling of your tight walls as he drags his cock along them. You’re clenching around him so tightly, pulling him back in like you never want him to leave, and he'd be more than content to spend the rest of his days buried inside your pussy. Looking at you, splayed out underneath him at his whim, L thinks of all the dirty things he wants to do to you, all the positions he wants to have you in. Forcing you onto you hands and knees in front of him, smacking your plump ass and watching as it rippled with every thrust of his hips. On top of him, watching as you forced herself down his shaft, struggling to take him all in. And he will have you like that. In any and all positions he so wishes.
He’s not going to deny himself you, not again. As long as you’ll have him, as long as you want him like this, he’ll be here.
Now, his first time, taking someone so breathtakingly fantastic and beautiful as you, he wants to be on top of you, looking into your eyes to see all the pleasure he's giving you, the way your lips quiver and eyes roll back. And he wants you to see him, too, how absolutely enraptured he is inside of you, how you’re absolutely blowing his mind.
"Yes," he hisses, letting himself get caught up in the pleasure in a way he never had before. L had never been so loose with his words, not the way that he is now with you.. "You're so good... So good for me... You take me so well."
He's almost in shock that he's lasted this long with the way your magical cunt is practically trying to milk him dry. "Tell me how it feels," he's all but commanding you.
You can barely focus on L and what he’s demanding you do. It’s all too much, pleasure that has your mind going completely dumb. A particularly hard thrust has your has snapping open to meet L’s wild ones.
“I-it, it’s good, L. It’s so good! Just… Please!”
You can feel your stomach coiling as L suddenly angles upwards. You’re getting close, so close, and it has your eyes practically crossing. L releases the headboard in favor of gripping your hands, prying them off his back and pinning them above your head as he kisses you once more.
It’s only a few more thrusts, L’s cock pressing inside you mercilessly, so far you swear you can feel him in your stomach, and then you’re cumming hard.
Your vision whites out completely as your cry is muffled against L’s lips. Your fingers squeeze his tightly, but not as tight as your cunt does. You have his dick in a vice grip, locking him inside of you balls deep as you cum around him.
Your pussy is so taunt, hot like a fire and fist tight. L has to force himself out just so he can bully his way back inside of you again and again.
He doesn’t cease, doesn’t give you a moment to catch your breath or come down from your high. Tears prick your eyes as it becomes too much all at once, and you can’t think, can’t speak anything but L’s name.
He’s chasing his own high now, not even pulling all the way out. He’s rutting against your cunt with reckless abandon as the pleasure builds quicker. Your pussy is still quivering and clenching around him, and it’s with his face pressed against the slick skin of your neck that L cums.
Balls tightening, he shoots inside of you, painting your walls white as he groans out your name. His hips still don’t stop, continuing to smack against the fat of your ass as he rides out the pleasure. It’s good in a way nothing’s ever been good before, and L never wants it to end.
Slowly it does. His endless thrusting begins to slow, and buried inside of you completely, he finally comes to a stop.
L continues to pant against your skin, collapsing against you even as your walls still flutter around him.
Your fingers comb through L’s hair as you catch your breath, completely jolted by the way things have turned. Just earlier today, you had decided that L had kissed you and hated it.
And now you were here, in bed, together.
After an eternity, L finally pulled away from your neck, pressing up on his elbows to look down at you. You bit your lip, forcing yourself to meet his eye even as your cheeks burned.
“Was that… Was that okay?” You practically whisper out.
Because even now, there was still that doubt in your mind. Maybe he didn’t want this. Maybe he would regret it.
But when the tiniest smile tugs at the corner of L’s lips, all your anxieties are qualmed.
“More than okay,” he whispers back to you, running his own hand over your hair. “Earlier, in that helicopter… That’s as close to death as I’ve ever come. Before you, the only thing I’d ever be scared to lose was a case.”
L leans down, letting his lips brush over yours in a gentle, sweet kiss.
“Before you, I never would have been here. I don’t want anything else to be before you… Just with you. I love you. And I won’t deny myself of that any longer.”
A/N: I’m in a death note phase again. I wrote this instead of doing my essay oops.
Being the girlfriend of a worldwide, secret detective was hard.
Relationships were hard enough as it is but having to make sure both the partners names were kept hidden made it even harder. Then there’s the constant travelling that takes place along with many other things.
Basically, the relationship between L Lawliet and Y/N Y/S/N was a complicated one. Don’t get me wrong, they were both madly in love with the other, but that didn’t make it any less hard.
“Y/N!” A high-pitched voice sounded from behind the aforementioned couple.
That’s Misa, Y/N’s best friend and often co-worker. The two met at a photoshoot where they became fast friends, the pair being able to work together due to their celebrity status.
“Hi, Misa.” A soft smile crawled onto the Y/H/C-haired girls’ lips.
She usually loved seeing Misa, but today all she wanted was to go back to her house and chill, maybe with Lawliet, maybe not. Who knows? Not her.
“Hi, Ryuzaki.” Misa greeted her best friends’ boyfriend, albeit unknowingly, before grasping her small hand around Y/N’s arm. “Bye, Ryuzaki!” Were her final words as she dragged Y/N away, unaware that she was desperately mouthing “sorry” towards her boyfriend.
~
“Light won’t even take me on a date, Y/N/N!” Misa whined, still talking about her ‘boyfriend’, “Isn’t that so unfair?”
“Very.” Y/N mumbled, turning the page on her magazine which lay in front of her.
She was currently lying across Misa’s bed, the pink sheets creasing beneath her. The girl’s legs were crossed in the air, the entire weight of her body being placed solely on her stomach. The magazine she was reading was something she had bought on the way back to Misa’s, hoping to share opinions on outfits or gossip about latest celebrities, something that the pair had done since they met.
“Are you even listening, Y/N/N?” The blonde continued to whine upon realizing that her friend was no longer listening to her boy drama.
“Sorry, just deep in thought.” Y/N’s words weren’t necessarily a lie, she was deep in thought just not about something she wished to share.
Misa didn’t know about Lawliet and Y/N’s relationship, nobody did. That was how they liked it. No one could intervene, no drama or anything of the sort. Just the two of them, happy, together.
Oh how she longed to be with him right now. The two of them together, even if they were just sitting in HQ together whilst working on the Kira case that they had been working on for months now. That was how they had met: the Kira case.
Y/N knew of his involvement, her father worked as a detective, similar to Lights. That was how she joined the investigation despite being a student. Both her father and close friend, Light, recommended her.
However, that friendship was slowly fading as she found out more and more evidence that made her suspect Light of being Kira. She’s smart, very smart, that’s why she got along with both geniuses. She fit in well with the two. But the more she investigated the case, the more she realized that Light could possibly be behind the mass murders that were causing terror across the world, especially Japan.
“Ooh! What about? Is it a boy?” Misa was now sat up on the ground, arms wrapped tightly around the yellow pillow that she was previously sitting on. Her loose blonde locks fell down her back as well as over the pillow. She looked absolutely beautiful.
How did Light not love her back?
“Shut up.” The other girl huffed, tossing a pillow from Misa’s bed into the face of the owner, giggling as Misa fell backwards onto the soft carpet before bursting into a fit of giggles herself.
“You have to tell me!” The words left Misa’s lips between giggles as she recomposed herself.
“No!”
“Yes~”
The two argued back and forth for around five minutes before giving up, and bursting into a giggle fit once again, something that was common between the pair.
“So, you like someone?” Misa wiggled her eyebrows in amusement at the fact that her best friend was finally interested in someone other than fictional characters. “Tell me everything.”
Without revealing who it was, Y/N began to tell her about her ‘crush’, despite said crush actually being her boyfriend of a few months now. Ensuring that no significant details were released which could identify the man, she told her everything. Blushing was something new to her, but neither Misa nor Y/N complained. It was a refreshing change for them both.
“Wow,” The model let out a breath she wasn’t aware that she was holding once Y/N had poured her heart out, slightly at least. “I never knew you were capable of such feelings, Y/N/N!”
“Stop teasing me~” Y/N’s hands covered her blushing face, words becoming muffled behind the skin. “This is embarrassing enough as it is,” a groan left her lips as she continued her sentence. “Besides, I doubt he even likes me back.” The final words were mumbled, self-doubt settling in as she realized that her boyfriend might not actually love her.
Logically, Y/N knew that L wouldn’t use her, or at least she hopes, and that he genuinely did value her and her opinion. He enjoyed her company and didn’t find her annoying. He really did love her, despite not having admitted it.
“Sure he does! You’re great, Y/N/N.” Misa grinned at her best friend, unknowingly providing her with a source of comfort.
“Thanks, Misa.” A sigh left the other girls lips, a sinking feeling of doubt looming over her. “I should probably get home, it’s getting late. Goodnight, Misa.”
“Goodnight, Y/N!”
~
Instead of heading home Y/N decided to take a late-night stroll.
The dark sky was littered with bright stars, a nice change from the usual plain nights sky in Japan. It gave an almost comforting feel to the stroller, reminding her of her childhood when she would stay up late to stare up at the midnight sky with a genuine belief that it was the world watching over her, much like the moon which was ‘following’ her everywhere she went to make sure she was safe.
It was childish, yes, but she was a child so what do you expect?
The Y/H/C-haired girl observed her breath as she exhaled. It was cold which wasn’t a huge surprise considering that it was nearing December now; winter time. Despite being extremely cold, she decided that it wasn’t time to head home just yet. Her mind wasn’t entirely clear and it wasn’t exactly in her best interest to go home with an overthinking mind, so he continued her walk.
The sound of her shoes hitting the ground was one of the only things she could hear other than the occasional passing car or truck. The streetlights lit up her view, being the only thing that did so and Y/N internally thanked whoever put them up considering she wouldn’t be able to use the torch on her phone as it had died long ago. The odd passing-by car provided her with some light also, although it wasn’t much.
It wasn’t until around 1am when she finally decided she should head home.
~
The house was deadly silent as she entered, but the lights were still alight, leaving the daughter of the local baker and detective confused.
“Mum?” The girls voice was slightly quiet in case she was asleep whilst still being loud enough for anyone seated downstairs to hear.
“Where have you been?!” Her mothers voice was incredibly loud, making Y/N cringe and wince. “I’ve been worried sick! How could you make your mom worry like this?”
Ah, there comes the guilt tripping. Y/N’s thoughts were awfully loud, and she cursed herself internally.
“Sorry, mom.” A frown had made its way onto her lips as she apologized.
Sure, she probably should have warned her that she was going for a walk, but there was no need to guilt trip her.
“You should be. Now go to your room!”
She simply ran upstairs.
~
The bags under Y/Ns’ eyes almost matched Ryuzaki’s the following day.
She hadn’t gotten any sleep that night as she replayed every bad moment with her mother sine childhood and believe me, there was a lot of them.
Her mother hadn’t been the best parent to say the least. She was never physically abusive, but the mental scars from her words and actions had taken a toll on her daughter throughout the years.
“Are you okay?” Lights words were full of concern upon noticing the girls tired composure. The way she stood further proved that she was exhausted considering how she was slumped over. Hands shaking also, Light was genuinely concerned, despite his status as Kira, something he knew that she suspected. “You look terrible, no offence.”
“I’m fine.” Her words were quiet, almost silent, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to give a completely response but she figured those words would suffice and he would hopefully leave her alone.
Whilst concerned, Light knew not to push things when someone didn’t want to talk, so he didn’t push it further, favouring to ask if she was going to the HQ later which she was.
“Ryuzaki isn’t in today,” Lights words caught her attention, finally pulling her from her trance, “he’s working on the investigation.”
“Oh,” while her response was short, the criminal still cheered internally, glad that he had stopped her worrying, even if it was for a split second.
~
For the entire day she was completely ‘out of it’, unable to concentrate or even form a coherent sentence and she mentally kicked herself at her so-called failure. However she was slightly grateful that there was no exam today, knowing she would have most definitely failed. She probably wouldn’t have been able to write more than three words.
Y/N’s walk to HQ was lonely as she desperately craved some human contact.
She really needed a hug.
As though in a trance, the girl scanned herself into HQ and headed towards the main room where she knew everyone would be.
“Hi, Y/N,” Matsuda’s cheerful greeting caught Ryuzaki’s attention. Well, more like the name of the person he was greeting.
Nobody could have known however, unaware of the short-lived glance he had spared towards her. This short glance told him a lot: she hadn’t slept, she was deep in thought and she felt… crap.
This worried the detective immensely. He really did care for the girl; a lot more than he would admit. Not that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t know how she would react and didn’t want to risk facing rejection.
It would hurt.
“Hi.” The response she gave Matsuda was blunt, emotionless which L wasn’t happy to hear.
She never used that tone. She was usually cheerful. It must be bad.
“You guys can go for a break. You’ve been here most of today and it’s not nearing 5pm.” L’s words matched his girlfriends tone as usual, uncaring about the relief his words had just provided the others on the case. “Except you.” His gaze was now fixated on his love, making her internally curse at herself for being so obvious about her low mood.
The raven-haired detective waited for everyone to leave, stare unmoving as he observed Y/N’s every move and she walked towards the chair opposite him.
“What is it?” Y/N’s gaze was cast towards the ground, not wanting L to see her like this. “I’m sorry.” Her words were quick, worried that he was going to say something that would simply upset her more. “I-I didn’t mean too.”
L’s cold hand gently grasped her chin, lifting her face so that they could look at each other and he cringed slightly as he saw the tear threatening to fall from her eyes.
Okay, he is now really worried.
“What’s wrong?” His words were quiet but still laced with genuine concern, along with his eyes. “You can tell me.”
“It’s nothing, really.” The words stumbled from her lips, only worrying him more. “C-can I just go today? Please.”
L simply nodded, watching as she dashed from the HQ and out of his sight.
~
“Why do you keep disappearing?” Y/N’s mothers voice was the first thing she heard as she walked through the door.
“Please, leave me alone.” Y/N begged, simply wishing to be alone.
She made an attempt to dash upstairs, only to be stopped by her mothers tight grip around her wrist as she spun her around to face her. A hash slap hit the younger girls face with such a force that they both knew would leave a mark the following day.
“Y-Y/N…” Upon realisation of what she had just done, her tight grip around her daughters wrist loosened, hand dropping to her side.
“Never talk to me again.” YN’s words were quiet yet laced with venom before she finally dashed up to her room, one goal in mind:
Leave.
Her movements were quick as she packed her bag, tears leaking from her eyes in both pain and sadness,
Within minutes her bag was packed, tossed over her shoulder before she ran downstairs.
“Please don’t leave.” Her mother’s plead fell on deaf ears, the only response coming from the closing of the door as she watched her daughter leave, neither of them knowing if she would ever return.
~
It was cold. Very cold and Y/N cursed herself for not bringing a jacket, being in a skirt and t-shirt which was the same outfit she had worn to school today.
Shivering, she began her long walk towards HQ, something she knew would take a long time.
~
“What happened to you?” Detective Yagami’s voice was filled with panic upon seeing the tear stains on her cheeks as well as the bright red bruising hand-mark.
Lawliet payed no attention to his remark, simply assuming that Matsuda had had a clumsy accident yet again.
“Please, can I just sit down?” Was what captured his attention, the soft and exhausted voice being one he recognised immediately.
“O-of course.” Soichiro’s words were rushed as he signalled towards the seat he had previously occupied which Y/N gratefully took.
L spun on his chair to look at the girl, breath hitching as he took in her appearance.
He caught her gaze and she had looked up after hearing the spinning of the chair and she thanked whatever gods there were that it was simply the three of them.
“Detective Yagami would you mind if we have a moment?” L’s stare was unmoving as Yagami nodded, leaving the room.
“R-Ryu…” Her voice sounded broken, eyes filled with pain and he soon noticed the bag on the ground, quickly coming to the conclusion that something had happened at home, presumably with her mother, and she had ran away.
L quickly climbed onto his feet, opening his arms which Y/N gladly ran into, breaking down into sobs. His hand placed itself on her hair, burying itself into her hair as her face buried into his chest. L was uncaring as her tears soaked through his white tee; he only cared that she was okay. They stood like that for a long time, L providing comfort she didn’t know she needed.
“Come on,” L broke the silence as his girlfriend calmed down, her breath evening out, “lets get you to a room.” He offered her a hand as she pulled away, one she took with extreme gratitude, appreciating that it must have been hard for him to give her any affection.
Their hands never parted as they climbed the stairs of the HQ, heading towards Y/N’s new room. Ryuzaki had thrown her bag over his shoulder, the heavy weight of the bag not affecting him one bit.
The room was empty, and it was clear nobody was staying there.
The noise of the bag dropping to the ground was loud, startling Y/N whilst Lawliet remained unaffected, having been the one that had caused the noise; not that it would have scared him anyway.
Y/N was led towards the made bed by the detective, sitting herself down as he wordlessly instructed before taking a seat beside her.
“I’m sorry for being such a bother.” She apologised, making L shake his head in disagreement.
“You could never be a bother, Y/N. Not to me.” His words were less monotone than usual, less devoid of feeling. There was a genuine tone coming from him. “Matsuda’s a bother, not you.” He spoke which made the shorter girl chuckle, something she felt she hadn’t done in ages, despite it having only been a day, #
“Thanks, Ryu. For everything.”
“It’s my pleasure.” His arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closely towards him until her warmth was felt by him. “I-“ He paused as he began to speak, extremely aware of what he was about to say.
“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, confused at his sudden silence.
“I love you.” His words were quiet, almost unheard had it not been for the fact that the room was deadly silent.
The pair fell into an awkward silence for a moment before L got up to leave, apologising as he did so.
“Wait,” Y/N’s hand wrapped around his own, “I love you too.”
A small smile made its way onto both of their lips, L walking back over to the girl until he was stood directly in front of her. She watched closely as he bent down, unsure of what he was about to do. The second his lips touched her forehead a huge blush flowed across her cheeks.
“R-Ryu…?” Her embarrassed voice sounded, the only response she earned from him being a small smile before he gave her a pat on the head, turning to leave.
“Thank you.” She called, making him stop in the doorway.
“Anytime, Y/N/N.” The use of the nickname only made her blush harder.
Summary: Light is haunted by nightmares of killing his soulmate. He's decided that he will write off guys completely, settling for a mediocre life of heteronormativity. To run away from his soulmate, he decides to travel abroad. The one downside? His roommate is super weird.
Clutching his chest, Light tore himself out of his nightmare. It was the most common dreams he'd have of his soulmate. Whatever life they lived had ended in tragedy. Most people speak about their memories of mundane moments in the kitchen, of traveling, or having children.
But Light’s was of him killing his soulmate.
Of hating his soulmate.
Disoriented, Light reached out for the gloves at his bedside table. Before the room could spin into place, he was pulling the tight leather over his fingers, the repeated task giving him some sense of solace.
“Are you okay, Light-Kun?” A low voice from across their shared dormitory sent a jolt up Light’s spine. With little mental space for reaction, Light’s stiff body fell onto the floor, his limbs sprawling.
“I’m fine.” Light groaned, throbbing as he tried to pull himself back together.
Light hated his roommate.
His roommate was a self-prophetic asshole that ate more sugar than Hansel and Gretel combined. He was always watching Light, making unwelcome observations - and he NEVER slept. It wouldn’t bother him if L simply kept his insomnia to himself, but instead he seemed to use it as a leeway to bond - like Light’s nightmares were sleepover tales to be shared over hot chocolate and facemasks.
“Would you like a mochi?” L pinched the doughy ball in between his fingers.
Fastening his gloves, Light pulled himself back onto his bed, ignoring the question from the undead.
“Trouble sleeping, Light?” He asked, already knowing the answer. But - it seemed as though he preferred the reaction more than he cared about the question.
“Go to sleep.” Light threw the blanket over his shoulder, turning his back to the pale blue light filling their dorm.
Letting out deep breaths, Light petted his gloves. They kept him safe. If he had on his gloves, he’d never confirm his soulmate.
“Ugh, you eat like my roommate.” Light cringed as Sayu shoveled another scoop of ice cream into her mouth.
“Hey! It’s hot out here!”
Tsking, Light adjusted the tablet on his table, showing his disapproval through his posture. “You’re a growing girl, Sayu, you should-”
“Hey Light?”
Light pursed his lips, irritated that Sayu ran over his train of thought. “Yes, Sayu?”
“How did you know you had your first soulmate dream?”
Light winced, the question striking him. He hadn’t known his first one was of his soulmate, he thought it was an exam season stress induced nightmare.
“I didn’t realize it at first.” Light scanned the room, as if checking that L hadn’t mysteriously popped out from under his bed. “After a few times of the same person, I started to understand.”
Sayu sucked on her spoon, pondering over Light’s response. “I think… I think I’ve gotten dreams of my soulmate.”
Letting out a light whistle, Light smiled at his sister. It was hard to deny she was becoming an adult when she spoke of her soulmate. “What did you dream about?” Light took the opportunity to deflect from his own experience with stride.
“Just scattered memories. I think he has a cat - I keep dreaming of how excited he was over this big ball of fur.” Taking another bite, she gave a little grimace. “I hope he’s learned how to hold a cat.”
“Hmm…” Light tapped at the edge of his keyboard. “So it sounds like this will be your first life together.”
“What? How do you know?” Ice cream dribbled down her chin.
“Do any of the dreams include you?” From what Light had heard, that was usually the difference. If they’d never met before, your soulmate would get fragments of special or important memories. If they’d lived a life together, then they’d be a participant in the memories instead of an observer.
“No, I’m always watching - like it’s a TV or something!” She munched excitedly, the reality of getting to see into her soulmate's life elating her. “What about you? Did you and Misa live other lives or is this your first one?”
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Light fell into his scripted lie. Misa’s soulmate was platonic, her best friend Rem and her were written in the stars. And Light, well, he never wanted to meet his soulmate. So he decided that he would never sleep with another man as long as he lived and would stay safe within Misa’s embrace.
He’d say it was their first life - after all, he never knew they’d met before. They weren’t soulmates.
A light breeze floated through the window, gently caressing Light’s skin. The sheets surrounding him were soft, the type of Egyptian cotton his parents would never hear of. The sounds of the city were far below them, barely loud enough to qualify as white noise. A column of lunar light crossed the room, up the bed, past a handcuff chain, and onto a staticy face.
“You- beautiful like this, Li-” the man’s voice was distorted as he leaned into Light.
Anger built up in Light’s stomach, enraged that the man would compliment him as he lay in such a shameless position. But the anger fuelled them. The ire was the ingredient that led to passionate nights, scrapped wall paint, and scratches that bled through white shirts.
“Fuck you.” Light hissed back.
“So beautif-, so debauched -” The man positioned himself in between Light’s legs.
Light craved him. Wanted him with every fibre of his soul.
“I want t- how much I ca- mess you up.”
Yes. Light arched his back, waiting for the familiar burn. His skin was cold and clammy, all his blood running south.
He waited.
Peeking up, the man appeared frozen, one hand on a knee, the other on himself. But nothing was happening.
Whimpering, Light shifted forward, searching for him.
“Light-kun?”
Hearing his name sent shivers up the back of his neck.
“Are you okay? Light-kun?”
The dream faded around him, the high ceilings replaced by their low waterstained dorms. His roommate hovered over him, black hair falling over his face. His expression twisted in worry, his hand tentatively hovered to offer solace.
Light was all too aware of the problem in his pants and his stupid nosey roommate was all but on top of him. Trying to protect his tent, he shot forward, attempting to fold himself in half. L, however, was not quick enough to move out of the way. The edge of Light’s shirt caught on L’s fingers, raising it up enough to just touch skin.
The touch burned. Burned in the way that your face does after a first kiss. He could feel his finger prints searing into his abdomen.
No.
NO!
“GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!” Light seized his blanket and ripped it around himself.
“My apologies Light-kun, you seemed to be-”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Light was hysterical. He knew he was going overboard, he could feel it.
Sighing, L lifted from his bed, dragging his feet along with him.
Pulling the blanket up over his head, Light let out a sob. How could this man be his soulmate? How did his creepy, overbearing roommate leave a fucking handprint on him? He’d travelled the world to run away from his soulmate. He had a life planned. Misa would be his beautiful wife. Her dad would help him get a promising job at a law firm. It was all set up for him.
Light’s trembling fingers traced the raised mark on his stomach.
His entire future was on the precipice of ruin.
Things were different after that night.
L followed him around more than ever before, his hands in his pockets, always wanting to be a part of Light’s life. But Light wouldn’t let him in.
He focused on calling Misa more. He never took off his gloves. And he did everything in his power to avoid his roommate. It was a band aid over a gunshot wound, but it would work. By the end of the semester he would be able to select a new roommate and he’d never have to think about L again - and L would be none the wiser.
“Are you going to sleep already, Light-kun?” L bit his thumb as Light crawled into bed.
Ignoring the question, Light rolled away from him. The less he saw of him, the better. He could ignore the eyes drilling into his back.
He was Yagami Light.
He didn’t need a soul mate.
He would never have a soul mate.
Rain fell sideways; it did not patter, but screamed.
His shoes squelched against the cement.
Ryuzaki stood about ten meters from the safety rail, his thick black hair matted in the rain. His back was arched, hands deep in his pockets. His face was ghostly, the dark circles under his eyes worse than Light had ever seen. His sharp features were pronounced by the droplets that rolled and dripped off of them. Turning towards him, Light could hear his words as clear as day.
“Tell me, Light, from the moment you were born, has there ever been a point when you’ve actually told the truth?”
Clutching his chest, Light woke up with a wheeze. He’d never seen L’s face in a dream before, his voice undeniable. Craning his head, Light could make out the silhouette of his roommate's sleeping frame. Was he the same person that managed to see through him? To peer past the expertly crafted masks?
Letting out a shaky exhale, Light ran his fingers across his abdomen.
“You’re really leaving?” L crossed his arms, resting against the frame of the doorway.
“It’s time, L. I can’t keep playing into your game.” Light zipped up his suitcase. He was so close to freedom. The semester was over, he’d board a plane and finish his studies back home. Or pick another school. Whatever it was, he would be far away from L.
“The game in which I believe you’re my soulmate?” L tilted his head, his owl eyes boring into Light.
“I’m not your soulmate.” Light shook his head, his fists tightening in his black gloves.
Swiftly moving across the floor, L dropped to his knees behind Light. Pelvis to back, L traced a finger along Light’s glove. His hair tickled at Light’s ear, each puff of breath leaving a warm tingle across Light’s cheek.
“I think…” L let his hand trail across Light’s chest.
His heart beat threatened to break his ribs, wanting to become one with the hand that so gently touched him.
L’s hand slid lower, inching towards the hem of his shirt.
The mark on Light’s abdomen burned, begging to be touched.
Clenching his teeth, Light focused on his picket fence dream. Suits and ties. Misa in the kitchen when he got home.
Just as thin fingers reached the hem of his shirt, Light bucked L off. “Let go of me, you freak!”
L fell to his butt with a thud, the back of his head slamming against the bed behind him. “This feels familiar, doesn’t it, Kira?”
Kira? Who the hell was Kira? With furrowed brows, Light reflexively turned back towards L. What was he playing at?
“Oh…” His dark eyes gleamed. “You don’t remember yet.”
Something stirred deep within him. A rage he couldn’t quite place. His fist moved as if with muscle memory, striking his bony face.
Red with dots of purple stretched across L’s cheek, bright red drool slipping out the side of his mouth.
“You know…” Using the back of his wrist, L wiped the blood off the corner of his mouth. “When I first dreamt of my soulmate, he was laughing as I died.”
Light gulped, the scene all too familiar. His screaming and cackling mixed into a cacophony that constantly awoke him in a cold sweat.
“Oddly enough… I wasn’t angry at him. No… Instead, I was angry that I could no longer play the game.”
“You’re not my soulmate.” Light denied, leaning against his bed.
“I’ll make you a deal, Light-kun.” Crawling over, L paused on all fours. “If you touch me… just once… I'll never bother you again.” His onyx eyes glanced towards Light’s gloves.
There weren't enough words to describe the ire that broiled in Light’s stomach. Hatred. Fury. Loathing. Murderous.
It would be over the moment Light touched L’s skin and L knew that.
The moment Light’s fingers grazed L, his prints would be seared into his skin. Memories of a past life shared. Light wanted to walk away. To leave home to Japan and never look back.
Because what if he killed him again?
Was he a murderer?
Were they destined to hurt each other
Taking advantage of Light’s moment of weakness, L nudged the column of Light’s throat with his nose. “I think it's a good deal.” His words rumbled like a train as his lips left kisses down Light’s neck, his hand gripping at Light’s forearm.
Growling, Light shoved L forward, forcing him to the ground. Taking both of his thin wrists into his palms, Light pinned them to the floor above L’s head. His knees bracketed L, a misplaced concept of control.
“Light-kun… You’re quite cute like this, you know?” L eyed the place where their body met. If they had less clothing on, it would truly be obscene.
It drove Light to insanity how L would never bow to any of his masks. Even his most aggressive facade left the man completely unfazed.
Easily tugging out one of his hands, L ran his fingers up the outside of Light’s thigh. Light clenched the trapped hand tighter, but did nothing to stop L’s trailing digits. With a thin smile, L revelled in Light’s attempts to mask his reactions.
His whole body was heating up under the simplest touch. Distant memories of screaming and begging tugged at the back of his head. With every fibre of his body, he wanted L. He wanted someone who wouldn’t bend to his every whim…. But that would be difficult. What would his family think back home when he returned with a boyfriend? An English boyfriend, to make things worse. No - he -
L slid his fingers up the edge of Light’s shirt, caressing the raised skin.
“Ugh-,” The groan escaped from Light’s lips, to which L responded with a toothy smile.
L’s touch was aloe on a soothing burn. It felt familiar and enticing.
Pausing, L met Light’s eyes. Exhaling, he placed his hand over his mark, an edge of his lips flicking into a grin.
Alarm bells went off in Light’s body. Every inch of him knew that he’d found his soulmate, that he was with his soulmate and needed to be with him, to touch him back.
“You’re - a - mmm - fucking asshole.” Light arched into L’s touch.
“Your asshole.” L muttered, going back and forth between trailing his fingers, and gripping into skin.
“Fuck!” Light used his free hand to pin L’s traveling one.
“Just like that, but without the glove.”
“No. I’m not into guys. I’m engaged to Misa - we’ll -,”
“Misa? Is that your girlfriend’s name?” L’s face lit up, his brows nearly touched his hairline. “Seems you’ve encountered someone else from your past life.”
A lump caught in Light’s throat. Their past life? What did Misa have to do with the past? Would he still be able to choose her if he touched L?
“Misa and I - “
“You and Misa will never be happy. No matter how many lives you live.” L relaxed in his ‘captive’ position, content to be trapped by Light.
“Touch me once.” L rubbed his head as close to Light’s hand as he could reach. “If you want to run away, if you never want to see me again, then I’ll stop. But you can’t tell me you’re not curious? To at least see what we could have been? What we could be?”
Biting the tip of his tongue, Light refrained from answering. Something within him told him he’d already been weak to curiosity.
But, evidently, it was a trait that carried through lives.
“No one I’ve ever met has incensed me as much as you.” Light growled, letting go of L’s hand. “You’re petulant, obtuse, and your nighttime habits are horrific.” Light tugged at the glove on his right hand, exposing the skin shades lighter than his arm. “You want to be marked?”
The intensifying of L’s pulse was visible, his pupils taking over his eyes.
“Bastard.” With his bare hand, Light pressed his palm against L’s neck, pushing into the ground. He pressed as hard as he could, his fingers bruising as much as they were marking.
If L was so desperate to have a mark, then Light would ruin him.
“F-fuck.” L’s chin tilted up, shallow breaths escaping out of his hold.
And then - akin to a moment in a helicopter - Light remembered.
The pain of his loss. Of every empty win. Of fights over strawberry cake. And frantic sex in hidden closets.
“Fuck, I missed you so much.” The weight of loss was heavy on his chest, but L was here, holding it for him. Soothing away the loneliness.
Grinning, L clenched at the back of Light’s hair, pulling him down to his lips. Their kiss was messy, teeth clattering, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Between squelching kisses, L muttered, “Try not to kill me this time, okay?”
“Mmm…” Light bit at L’s bottom lip. “No promises.”
Laughing into his mouth, Light tried to etch out everything he’d missed. L’s thin lips. A faint musk that always had an undertone of sweet sugar. The puffs of breath that let out against his skin.
“I love you, mwah, I love you, Light-kun.”
“And you say I talk too much.” Light laughed, warmth filling his chest. He ran his hand over the bumps on L’s throat. “Mine.”
The puzzle piece that Light hadn’t known had been missing fell perfectly back into place.
I DID IT. I FINISHED IT. HOOORAH!
I need sleep and to figure out how to add it to the collection, but that sounds like a tomorrow problem.
I had a little paragraph in my docs about a scene of Matsuda yelling at Light and quickly turned that into a little drabble. Basically, Light still struggles with the fact that L is gone (and of course that he's flamingly homosexual). He tries to fill the gap with Matsuda, who knows he's being used.
Rating: Not Rated
Category: M/M
Relationship: Matsuda Touta/Yagami Light
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65935714
Struggled to find a good GIF, so I thought spicy looking Light in a turtle neck would do. Several of Matsuda shooting Light, which I think makes a lot of sense to follow this little romantic scene, but I didn't want it stealing the thunder.
Clenching his teeth, Light stormed out the bar, the door slamming against the building. People on the street muttered as he stormed through them, his hair whipping at his face.
“Huh huh huh, what, did he strike a chord in your delicate sensibilities ?” Ryuk hovered behind him, knowing more about Light than anyone had the right to.
Still under scrutinizing eyes, Light crunched his teeth as his fingers twitched in his pocket. Was there any way he could get away with it? Could he kill Matsuda? Maybe once the world knew he was Kira, maybe then he would do it. Publicly shame him for besmirching a god.
“Light!” Matsuda called out, already out of breath.
What kind of police officer got winded from running onto the street? Pathetic. Of course, out of anybody, it would be Matsuda.
“You know the faster you run, the more suspicious you become?” Ryuk’s purple face was inches away from his own, his breath carrying death with a thin veneer of apple.
Light’s fingers twitched harder as he repressed the urge to punch Ryuk in the face. He’d done it before, his fist cutting right through him and smashing into the cupboard. He couldn’t make a scene. Not when Matsuda was already hellbent on screaming his name from down the street. Would he never give up?
“Just - Light stop!” Matsuda tripped over himself as he grabbed at Light’s shoulder.
Snapping away from Matsuda’s grip, Light spun to face him.
Matsuda rested his hands on his knees, bending over to catch his breath. “I know - I know you miss him.”
“How many times do I need to warn you to shut up?” Venom leaked from Light’s lips. Matsuda pulled at his composure. If only L was here to -
Fuck. That was the whole issue. He kept thinking about him. He kept talking about him, ‘L would have done this’ or ‘that’s not what L would have wanted’. Light wanted L gone. He needed him dead. Yet somehow, he perpetually lived on through every conversation, every thought, every win and every loss. He was never without him, which made him feel even more alone.
“Light. I know you miss him but… You need to let him go.” Matsuda tilted his head, angling to catch the street light’s reflection in Light’s misty eyes.
“Stop talking about things you know nothing about.” Light tugged at the cuffs of his jacket, reapplying his mask. “So. Are we going to your house or a hotel? I’m assuming that’s why you followed me out.”
“Hah!” Matsuda ran his fingers through his hair, his mouth agape. “You’re really something, Light. I try and have a genuine conversation with you and-”
“Your mouth is only good for one thing. If you’re planning to keep running it, I’ll just go home.” Light gave a light click of his tongue in disappointment, the road crunching under the heel of his shoe.
“Yeah Light. Go home. To your girlfriend.”
Freezing, Light fought the grin of disbelief that tugged at his lips. Matsuda drank more than he thought if he was brave enough to spout.
“You never had any problem with that before.” Light’s nose pointed at the ground, the moon illuminating part of his face, the rest hidden under the black of night.
“Do you know why you think you two were made for each other?”
Light lunged forward. Pinning Matsuda to the brick wall by his throat, Light pushed his trachea as a warning. Brushing his lips against Matsuda’s ear, Light’s voice was hoarse. “If I were you, I’d watch what you say.”
Matsuda’s brown eyes slid to the side to meet Light’s. “Because you’re both heartless pricks. You talk big about balance, but you know that never existed. You two were chained up and STILL refused to communicate.”
Light’s nails dug into Matsuda’s skin, the only thing preventing Light from legitimately strangling Matsuda. “You will never be half the man he was.”
“You’re right. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was.”
Light kicked the insides of Matsuda’s dress shoes apart, leaving room for him to press his thigh in between his legs.
“I love you, Light.” Matsuda ran a finger across Light’s flushed cheek. “I wish you knew what it meant to love another person.”
Snorting, Light yanked Matsuda’s hair, pulling him into a rough kiss. Excuses of drunken tumbles already rolled through Light’s head as he pulled away from the man, a string of spit between them.
“Let’s go to yours.” Light commanded, leading the way down the, now empty, street.
Chuckling, Ryuk resumed his hover over Light’s shoulder. “Y’a know, I never understand what these people see in you. I mean - you’re not that attractive. And your personality - well let’s just say -”
“Shut up.” Light demanded.
Matsuda, assuming it was directed to him, sighed and fell in line. No matter how many times he told himself he’d never go back, somehow they kept walking the same path.
