The thread from the weekend of the Beatles’ 1967 Bangor trip and Brian’s death to the vultures descending and India...
'He was like your father. I will be your father now.’
I think John got particularly frightened.
There was no one steering the ship.
...they were all there for the rich pickings called the Beatles. I thought it was a very sinister meeting.
Well, no, I’m afraid not, Robert.
They were able to fall back on what the Maharishi would advise...
John wasn’t in good shape at that time...Paul took the lead in Brian’s absence.
Brian’s death kind of opened the floodgates.
The trouble with him dying at that moment was that it actually pushed them into the arms of the Maharishi, whereas if he hadn’t died, it would have blown over...The Beatles would not have gone to India and all these things would not have happened.
From Debbie Geller’s In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story (2000) [x]
With the advantage of looking back thirty years now and knowing what we know about certain things, I would say he certainly had all the symptoms of someone who was a manic depressive. His mood swings were not frequent but immediate. He was either very elated or he was withdrawn and these mood swings were triggered by very small things. Like if someone came in and said they'd read a bad review of the Beatles, he would shut down completely and stare at you. Or if you said something he just couldn't relate to he'd suddenly become silent and you'd get the starey look. Then it would stop. When he was more manic, he was creative, bright, full of enthusiasm. When he talked about music or people he always used his hands. He had these tremendous expressions as if he was talking about some imperial court. Brian felt that he had a miniature empire that he was running and he had the same rules that a royal scene would have.
Nat Weiss about Brian Epstein, In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story by Debbie Geller
Brian Epstein did a lot and he should not be given short shrift. He had a large view of his place in the world, and despite the pressures he felt, his life did account for believing in possibilities.
Debbie Geller, author of The Brian Epstein Story (The Detroit Jewish News - December 8, 2000)
Did Brian have any "girlfriends"? I think for that time it would have been dangerous for him to not be attached to a woman especially with all the rumours anyway.
Hi anon!
You’re definitely right about the dangers of being a ‘gay bachelor’, as it were. Brian did occasionally have a woman accompany him to an event or so, often employees. There was a period where he considered marrying Alma Cogan - most likely because it was a perfect match on paper and would have pleased the world + his parents.
Back in the early days he seemed to have the occasional date with women. In Debbie Geller’s book, Vera Brown talks about her time with Brian. This would have been in 1961/2, I think? So very early Beatles days. Be mindful that some of Vera’s comments about Brian’s sexuality are...very typical of someone from her generation.
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Vera Brown: We’d been to the Knotty Ash Club for my sister’s engagement. The Beatles had played there, as did Rory [Storm] and a few other groups. Afterwards, as usual, we all went back to the house and Brian came along.
If you saw the Beatles in my mother’s they were just a scruffy bunch of boys. And who’d look at them? I wouldn’t bother with them but then Brian stood out and Brian looked like the real thing. He was handsome. He was tall. He was immaculate. That’s why I let Brian get behind the bar with me and help me serve the drinks. He was the best of the bunch.
So we were just behind the bar when Elvis came on, 'Heartbreak Hotel’. He loved it, I loved it, and we started dancing. There wasn’t much room. You know, you could go two steps forward, three steps back and that was it. So we sort of got a bit close and everyone was laughing at us, saying, like, 'What’s going on?’ But if you moved sideways you fell over the crates. There were crates of beer in there and everybody’s coats. We ended up on top of the coats or on top of the crates if we just moved the wrong way. And we got pretty close but I wasn’t surprised by the way he was acting towards me.
We were dancing and kissing at the same time. He was probably one of the sexiest fellas I had ever met. People say, 'Oh well, Brian was gay.’ but he wasn’t very gay with me. He was just like any other man and more. He was very easy-going and casual and funny. He’d make you laugh and he could dance. You know he could move. He said to me, 'I’ve seen you in different places and I thought you were stuck up.’ And I said, 'Well, I thought you were stuck up because I remember being in your shop and you were like the big boss.’
I think he was pretty fresh. In a house where people are looking at you it’s not like a club with all the lights out and people tend to be aware of others but Brian wasn’t that bothered. He was interested and he showed it. Maybe he’d had a bit too much to drink. I don’t know. But I can’t say that because I met Brian afterwards and he was still interested.
The next day he called round to the house. I wasn’t there so he talked to my mother about poetry. I don’t know how they got talking about poems but Brian came the following day with a book of poems for my mother with a little letter. He also gave her a letter thanking her for having the party because everyone had made such a terrible mess of the house. It was full of eggs and rubbish and bottles everywhere and he apologized for the actions of everybody else at the party.
Well, my mother just thought he was the most wonderful person in the world. At last a gentleman has come through this door and not Teddy boys and hooligans and all the rest of it. In the first letter he said he’d enjoyed meeting her, loved coming to the house, felt so welcome and would she mind if he came around again to see me. I said to my mum, 'Well, that’s impossible. How can I see him? You know I can’t go out with Brian.’ She said, 'You will have to’.
My mother was in love with Brian: 'He’s beautiful. He’s wonderful.’ So she sort of arranged it. I didn’t want him to come and pick me up at the house because I didn’t want people to see us going out. I arranged to meet him in a little cafe in Bold Street. We had a coffee and a chat and then I can’t really remember where we went. We went somewhere for a drink around Bold Street where there were all these little dives at the time. But I had to be back for nine o'clock. Another time I met him in the Tower and we had a little chat. We met in the back office and had a talk.
I liked Brian as a man and I think Brian liked me. But then he suggested if we were to go out we’d have to go to Southport or Manchester - anywhere out of Liverpool because he didn’t want to walk into my husband in Liverpool. We were separated at the time but it was a little bit awkward, you know.
It’s hard for me to believe Brian was gay. I think if I had been free and if I’d seen more of Brian I think we could have got serious. I think he was all man. I just can’t accept that he was gay.
In the shop Brian seemed like a man, like your dad shouting at you and superior. He had an attitude of superiority. But later on I discovered he was just like any other man. I thought he was a very passionate, loving person. He was like two different people. So if there’s a third person involved - this gay person - I just say he’s one hell of a man to be able to please everybody. You know, he was just unique. That’s all I can say.
Brian was the first theatrical person we'd met. It was an image he wanted to project. But it was never in public. In public we were at the front, but when we'd go back for a party afterwards Brian would come to life, because then he could now show himself. He was not on show in the public arena. He wanted to remain very dignified. As the manager you have to deal with all these business people who he didn't want to look goofy in front of so there was always that very straightforward image. But you would get back to the party and his 'Ohh!' would emerge again. He was witty and intelligent and a great partier. All his friends liked him a lot, you could tell.
Paul McCartney about Brian Epstein, The Brian Epstein Story - Debbie Geller
Growing up, we went through many discussions about our private lives. Brian and I would discuss how our feelings were different to other young people. First of all you notice that you don't discuss girls so much and you discuss leading players in plays and shows and cinema, things like that. You realise you're more attracted to a star. You've got to be as honest as possible but at the same time the people you don't want to hurt are your parents, particularly our mothers because they're the people that are the guiding light in your life. They've brought you up to be the person you are sitting with a friend in the back of my shop in Kirkdale Road discussing your feelings and finding out what you were. In those days it was a terrible description. You were a queer and it wasn't a very nice thing to hear about yourself because you know that you're not queer in your head. It's probably like when you're a young person being asked if you're gay, you resent it and you try and fight what you're being called. We knew of people who were taken away to a place called Rain Hill which is about ten miles outside Liverpool. It was a loony bin, a lunatic asylum and there was no way I was going there. There was no way I wanted Brian to go there.
Joe Flannery, In His Life: The Brian Epstein Story, Debbie Gller
