Could you make a post about how to find out if you are butch or femme? I feel a strong attachement to the femme identity,but still,it is a very confusing question to me. I dress very androgynously,so I am very unsure. Thank you and have an awesome day!!
Hello!! The definition of ‘femme’ is often debated. Some people like to add more “qualifiers” than other people do. Overall, I think you know yourself best! However I’ll go ahead and list a few different definitions of femme I’ve seen.
‘Femme’ is an identity prevelant in the LGBT community, both in WLW bar culture and in ball culture, so you do have to be LGBT in some way to use ‘femme’! It’s also noteworthy that you don’t have to shave or be thin or have long hair or whatever to be femme. Femme is gender nonconforming by subverting femininity. It’s not as obvious as with butches but it’s certainly there!
One definition I’ve seen, particularly for WLW who use the term, is to preform femininity for not just men. (Well, actually, the definition I’ve seen is to not preform it for men at all, but I’m sure we can all guess why I don’t agree with that.) By using our femininity to attract genders other than men, even if it includes men, we are inherently GNC in our own right. We’re expected to care about what men think of us, and dress exclusively for them. But the moment you’re trying to also attract women, you are defying what society wants you to do with your femininity.
Another big, important facet is a love for butches. It’s somewhat debated whether or not you have to be romantically attracted to butches to be femme, however, I generally believe that as long as you’re looking out for and appreciating butches, even if you’re not attracted to them, you’re femme. If you have feelings of bitterness or hatred towards butches, you, in my opinion, should not be femme, because our identities are about protecting each other and are two sides of the same coin.
Something else I often see discussed in femme WLW spaces is how you don’t preform femininity because it’s expected of you but because you enjoy it. For instance, I don’t wear skirts all the time because it’s what is expected of me; I wear them because I enjoy them and because they are less confining than shorts are. I like pink because I’m ‘reclaiming’ it, almost, from the gendered stereotypes because I realized that you can like pink without feeling confined to gender roles. I love video games, a hobby considered to be ‘for men’, but mostly I play Animal Crossing and life simulation games. Not because they’re “for girls” but because I genuinely just enjoy them. The femme identity is about just that; enjoying something despite it being associated with femininity, not because of it.
Those are some of the general qualifiers that I know of. Unfortunately I haven’t seen many definitions of ‘femme’ outside of the context of WLW, despite its history as being for any LGBT person, so I’d have to look into it further for more information on that. However I hope you found this helpful!
