#demigrey

[crushing83]

How I'm choosing to celebrate (albeit quietly) my ace pride...

EDIT: Stackable silicone rings from Enso.

[crushing83]

Anytime anyone hits my radar in the [oh fuck, they can get it] way, I feel confusion (is this attraction? it feels different than a squish... but is it what I think it is?) and so much guilt (because I think I feel like I’m objectifying the other person when fantasizing? it’s much, much worse when it’s someone in my real life and not someone I admire from afar... probably why I pulled away from nearly everyone I’d been friends with, it feels so much more like a betrayal when I start feeling that way about a friend) and then a bit of despair (because I don't know how to smother and extinguish the feelings).

Physical attraction is exhausting. The cuddle crushes and other forms of romantic (and non-sexual kink) attraction are much easier (or maybe just more familiar) to process.

[crushing83]

I’m trying to define “safety.” 

Not because it doesn’t have a definition. Not because I don’t know the widely-recognised definition. 

But, because it’s the word I go to when someone asks me why I have a crush or squish on a specific person... or what I feel if I don’t feel primary (strictly physical) attraction. 

And I’m getting sick of not being able to explain it. 

It’s not about security or a lack of danger. Some of my most high-risk behaviour’s been with people I feel are “safe” in the way the word pops into my head. It’s not about being careful. 

It’s... *flails* stuff. 

I need better words :P 

[crushing83]

I think the guy who carried my Mac Pro to the cab might have been flirting with me and/or angling for contact info? I feel like, in moments like that, I should be wearing a sign that says “Dude, I’m demigrey and probably quoiro, so give me an actual clue.” I totally dropped the ball. *facepalm*

[ginandmisadventures]

Ace.

Me and Friend are discussing how we are possibly ace (or maybe demi or grey) but possibly not and have come to the conclusion that we are Schroedinger’s Aces. Please do not look inside our box.