if there’s one advice i could give on new relationships, it’s this:
don’t perform.
don’t try to be the ideal girlfriend or whatever version you think love is supposed to look like.
in a new relationship, it’s easy to get lost in the emotions. we start acting a little softer, sweeter, calmer. more like the kind of person we think the other would want, and less like ourselves.
we act on our own idea of what “the perfect partner” looks like.
so giving. so patient. so endlessly nice.
but that’s when you start losing yourself. it becomes a performance.
and if you don’t find your way back from that honeymoon phase, you stay stuck in that role. and with time that facade will fall. and with that your relationship might too.
you deserve love. you don't have to try so hard. do the inner work.
show your true self from the start. don;t avoid conflicts and those awkward, difficult conversations. trust me relationships always come back stronger from this stuff when both the partners are willing to make it work.
understand that love is rest. love is support at your worst and celebration at your best. its not a continuous act of trying to get the other to love you daily.
it's such a bad time to ovulate and find ppl like zohran mamdani was on hinge?! YAHA MUJHE BAS CHAPRI AND AND MERA EX 10TH GRADE WALA SITUATIONSHIP JISNE MUJHE GHOST KIYA VAISE LOG MIL RAHE HAI?!!!!
It's heartbreak season everywhere. Girls are crying left and right, and while I empathize with their pain, I can’t help but think: girl, you really need to learn how to date.
The major problem is that no one — including me — truly realizes how much growing up affects things. We don’t take it seriously enough, or we refuse to face the reality of how our decisions impact us long-term. Instead, we make choices impulsively, without fully considering their consequences.
But here's the thing: your decisions matter, and some of them, especially who you choose to date, have long-lasting effects. The person you date is one of the most important decisions you will make. So, let’s get this right.
1. Accept That You’re Growing Up and Start Thinking About Relationships Wisely
First things first: accept that you are growing up. It’s time to get real about relationships. You can't keep thinking about dating the same way you did when you were younger. As you mature, your perspective should shift. So, what do you want in the long term?
This post is primarily about dating with the intention to marry, but honestly, whatever your end goal is, you need to understand the nuances that come with it. If you want a serious, long-term relationship, then dating just for the sake of dating is no longer an option.
You can’t just start dating the first person who shows interest in you. The person you choose to date now needs to have the potential to be a life partner. That means asking yourself: Does this person align with my values, my future, my vision of marriage? If the answer is no, then it's time to walk away, no matter how good the chemistry might feel in the moment.
Dating with intention is not about settling for someone because they show up. It’s about consciously choosing someone who has the potential to grow with you, who shares your goals, and who respects the idea that relationships are a serious, long-term commitment.
2. You Don’t Date Out of Desperation
Let’s start with the most important lesson: don’t date out of desperation. You cannot go into your twenties holding on to this outdated, fairytale idea that a man will come along and magically fix all of your problems. Newsflash: He won’t. You are not a damsel in distress, and we don’t victimize ourselves here. We work on ourselves.
Before even thinking about dating, you need to heal. Get introspective. Ask yourself, why do you really want a relationship? Is it because you're lonely? Or do you believe a relationship will somehow solve all your problems? Spoiler alert: It won’t. Healing comes first, and that means getting to a place where you are truly okay being alone, before you can consider being with someone else.
The end goal shouldn’t be “find a partner” — because when you make marriage or a relationship your only measure of success, it messes with your head. You start to feel like there’s a ticking clock, and society starts pressuring you. Fear creeps in, and suddenly you’re compromising things that actually matter to you just to “secure” the relationship.
So, the first step is to heal and work on yourself. The real goal is to be whole on your own — so you don’t ever have to settle for less than what you deserve.
3. Make a List (and Stick to It)
Once you’ve done the work on yourself, it’s time to get serious about what you want. Make a list. Not just any list, but the ultimate list of what you want in a partner. I’m talking about values, lifestyle, personality traits, where he wants to live, what kind of life he wants to create. Write down everything that matters to you.
And then, get real. See where you’re willing to compromise. But don’t lower your standards just because you’re afraid you won’t find someone who meets every single thing on your list. Your list should be non-negotiable on the big stuff. If he doesn’t align with your core values or your vision for the future, don’t waste your time.
Dating in your twenties is serious business. Your future is on the line. So be crystal clear about what you want. Whether you’re dating casually or with marriage in mind, your goal has to be crystal clear.
4.. Don’t Date Below Your Standards
You know what you want. You’ve made the list. Now, don’t settle. I don’t care how charming he is or how many boxes he checks — if he doesn’t align with your core vision for your life, walk away.
You need to make these decisions from a place of strength, not fear. When you’ve healed yourself, when you’ve worked on being okay on your own, you won’t be swayed by surface-level charm. You’ll be able to recognize red flags and walk away before they even have a chance to hurt you.
This is the problem I see with so many women today. They get caught up in the idea of love and forget that relationships are decisions — decisions with long-term consequences.
5. Understand That Relationships Take Planning
Let me give you an example. Two of my closest friends have been together since the first year of college. They were young, falling in love, but now, they’ve realized they want completely different things in life. Even though they still care about each other, they understand it’s not going to work. Why? Because they never had a plan.
And that’s the point. Relationships, especially the serious ones, require planning. You need to know what you want, where you’re headed, and whether your partner’s path aligns with yours. It’s about a shared vision for the future, not just about finding someone to fill the gap in your life.
So, if you're serious about getting it right, make sure you’ve healed, make your list, and stick to your standards. Don’t settle. Relationships are a big deal — and they deserve your full attention, intention, and care.
I read a post about wanting to be loved loudly and that's the energy we want.
Flowers and gifts for no reason. Good morning texts because they want to start their day by texting you. Goodnight calls because they want you to be the last person they speak to. Asking about your day. Taking pictures of you just because. Show you off to their friends and family. Planning spontaneous dates. Walks in the parks. Talking about life and future plans. Being emotionally available.
Take it as a reminder maybe. But it's okay to walk away if you are not getting this energy from the other person. You'll find your person in time.
Till then, give yourself grace. Love yourself loudly.
