Breaking religious content to just talk about personal stuff but like I cannot stress how wild it is be yourself and happy in it.
Like you might know I'm trans and I think everyone who is trans in the closet has an idea of who they think they will be when they can be out of the closet. But I can say for me that was so wrong lol.
Like I had this very different perception of what I would be when I came out. I thought I had it all figured out. But when I actually came out, I quickly was drawn in a completely different direction than what I thought was possible. I am sorta just being "dragged" in a completely different direction and I could have never imagined.
One way, which I kinda talk about on here with my veiling post, is clothing. It shouldn't come as a surprise I hated fashion when I was closeted. Absolutely hated it. Clothes were just something to hide myself and I never took pleasure in them at all.
Now? You would be hard pressed to find something I spend more money on besides clothes. I absolutely love them and literally my brain has just exploded in how much I actually like fashion. Although this is a high time than normal, in the past week I've probably bought 3 or 4 different outfits. And like that would be inconceivable to me when I was in the closet. Like the pure adrenaline rush I get now when I see some amazing piece of clothing hits so differently and I never would have expected it.
Like when you're in the closet, you really do have a set idea of who you think you'll be. Which often is shaped by internet culture and the spaces you're in. But like holy hell, was I wrong.
With all this I am both happier and bewildered than ever. I am often surprised at the person I didn't really existed. I had idea this explosion of interest and just feelings that I would have. Everyday is often a new day to discover more about myself and this person I'm becoming. But also I've never been more happier. There is just a vibrant joy I have now. And while it isn't perfect, legitimately my daily life has been made so much better. The pure happiness I get just from being just myself is legitimately something I can't express into words
