#diaryofaman

[transitionaluniverse]

04-06-2020

Still no drugs. I think today is the 9th day? I’m too lazy to reference my old post. 

a. Exercise

b. Play Music

c. Read

d. Pray

e. Journal

Okay, I have done these things today. Today I was distracted, crabby, and sad. I thought not drinking was supposed to make me feel better... but I feel worse right now. I will stick with it though. I’m stuck in quite a gnarly sad spell right now. Feeling dry, lonely, and empty. I just have to keep trucking through I suppose. My soul just feels a little broken and llost. Looking for it to find its way. I want to do my best in the thing I am supposed to do every day, but I cannot do my best when I feel so sad. And that makes me sad. Ya know? 

OH AND YA KNOW WHAT ELSE. MY EX TRIED TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD TELL MY OTHER EX ABOUT HER ‘NEGATIVE CHOICES’. LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? WUT. 

Thanks. 

[transitionaluniverse]

04-05-2020

I’ve done a great job keeping up with my daily list. Clearly. Here it is, summarized for the past 6 days: 

a. Exercise (6/10)

b. Play Music (8/10)

c. Read (6/10)

d. Pray (2/10)

e. Jounal (2/10) 

Okay, So I need to pray and journal more consistently. My normal exercise has been difficult as all the gyms are closed. I struggle to find at home exercises that keep me motivated. That shouldn’t be the case but it really is. I find myself not sure what to do. I have kept to my promise of no liquor for 30 days, today is the 8th day. I have nothing significant to say about the effects yet. I am hoping I will.

Today is a terrible mental health day. The one big thing I wanted to do this weekend failed and resulted in almost 24 hours of wasted efforts. My schedule (sleep and otherwise) was completely set off. I keep trying to tell myself it is over and to just let it go but I am so pissed about it. And for some reason I am so helplessly exhausted. I don’t want to be fucking tired. I am tired of being tired. I guess I am going to spend the little rest of my precious weekend I have left with my music. 

[transitionaluniverse]

2-8-2020

Well I am in the new city. It’s quite beautiful here and work is going well. 

I woke up very crabby. It was late in the day, going into nature isn’t an option today, and two of my sinks are linking. Apparently no one can fix them until Monday... WTF man. 

I was mean to my mom as I always am when I am crabby. And I need some documents from her that she is making quite difficult to receive, and elongating a rather critical process. But regardless I still feel bad. 

I don’t know what to do with myself today. I haven’t been paid yet and money is tight. I really want nicotine, but I have been successful in not having it for the past 4 days or so. I think that is also why I am crabby. But I am very committed to never having the damn stuff again. I get so reliant so quickly. And so depressed form it. I know I do...

I have so much to learn and I’m not sure what resources to use...

I need to learn about skiing and snowboarding, back country navigation, acquire even more equipment and gear (the necessities seam truly endless), and frankly I need to make a friend who spends all of his or her time in the back-country so I can have a mentor. I think I am surprisingly a bit lonely. 

[pvrvsito]

Once again she disappeares into thin air and im left here waiting for her next apparition.

[letssharesecrets]

I am beyond happy right now. My prayers have been answered. It's time to do this. It's time to make a change.

[christa-marie-blog]

That's amazing. I think I've crossed paths with someone who was supposed to be "meant to be" but I just didn't jump on the chance when I should have and my life turned into a sappy sad love story by the time summer started and school ended. I'm pretty sure she was into me at some point but I wasn't able to act upon anything. =\

Its never too late to go for what you want. If you're feeling this way, she may be feeling it too. You'll never know if you don't try. 

My boyfriend and I had a falling out and didn't talk for like, 2 years. But I thought about him every single day. Even when I got pregnant, even when I had a baby, even when I was stuck with a guy I didn't love who treated me horribly.

After having a child with another man, I thought there was no way in hell we could ever be together again. But when you love somebody, you love everything & all the complications are worth it. Now Axel (my baby boy) is right in the center of our love. We're a family.

[christa-marie-blog]

You called your boyfriend perfect.. thats adorable. I wish I had a girl to love me like that.

He really is perfect for me. I truly believe that we were supposed to end up together. Everything we've been through, everything we've seen each other through, the past five years. It all was leading up to this point. 

I honestly believe that everybody has a person like that & you're destined to find them at some point in your life. Its your choice what you do with it.