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SYSTEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS ONLY
Curious if the whole sys stays with a certain partner or a relationship that allows different alters having its own partners from multiple people???
We Stayed Loyal to a Partner (or, monogamy)
They're Ok with Us Dating Others, Unbothered (or, poly)
I'm Currently Dating another Collective (explain in comments)
I JUST WANT A BUTTON TO CLICK
- j
also,,, does anyone have any advice on dating as a system?? like, host's gf is lovely, but not all of us want to date her
like do the rest of us just give up on the idea of being in a fulfilling romantic relationship? do i try to date her too despite not being attracted to women? what do??
-Stellan💖
I need help.
So, we are in a relationship with another system and its not easy. Of course, no one here expected it to be easy, and we are working in maintaining communication as best we can.
The issue is that the other system we all love very dearly has been triggering us (usually when they get triggered, and almost always its the SAME alter that gets triggered/triggers them.)
We are both fully aware that its not intentional and a trauma response on both ends, so I was under the impression that we would maintain that understanding moving forward. But their system functions far differently from ours. We have huge amnesic barriers between switches, and they uh, don't. So when they get triggered or we get triggered, WE have to pick up the peices of what happened from system heresay and they have to deal with a markedly different person the second we switch back.
They told us that us switching so often upsets them, and they can't handle talking to so many (there's currently 3 main fronters at the moment, but we all deal with stuff very differently) folks.
I'm not sure how to fix the problem or address it, because us switching is very unpredictable, we have triggers that we don't always know.
The most recent issue arose while I (oleander) was talking to them about getting on the road with me at some time, and they mentioned thinking they wouldn't be able to do so before because since they were a teen they raised their siblings. But I think the way it was worded inadvertently triggered out Oliver, who (i have recently learned) has trauma from conceiving a child and having a miscarriage.
This upset them and gave them the impression that they aren't allowed to talk about stuff thats going to trigger us.
When they get upset, they tend to snap and that triggers Oliver into panic mode. Then they go panic mode because he gets far less responsive and tries to leave the situation because in his head there is literally nothing he can do to fix the problem. (They got sort of upset that he was apologizing and shutting down once so now he just tries to leave, but that ALSO upsets them)
Trauma brain is telling me to force myself to stay front just so we can be there for them at our functional expense but I know that isn't the way to go about this. They want to talk to us about the issue, but it seems no matter what we do to try and alieve them of their worries something always happens. Except they feel inclined not to tell us, so we are under the impression things are going relatively okay when they are very clearly not.
On top of that, because our system functions so differently, the requests and boundaries we have sort of idk, they feel like they are less important. Or perhaps they are under the impression that because we function differently, we somehow are *better* at handling their emotional outbursts when we very much aren't. And it's sort of one sided because any time we are doing not very well, we can't talk about it because *they* will get upset. Idk. I just need some advice is all.
-Oleander
I was about to take a picture of me with Morgan and say something like “Date Night with bae! xoxo” but then realized it would just be a selfie shkendofbksodv
My partner, I think jokingly, asked me to murd3r / su1cuide us 'for the headline' yesterday. I know it was just one of their alters but like our constellations options suck rn so idk it felt more like their producer mixed with their self hater telling me what they actually wanted instead of their joker self.
We can't stop thinking about it we keep hot potatoing the memory to different parts but no one seems able to hold the reality that if we're still producing and hoping for our art to take off as psycho clowns it's really one of our best options
but we've got protectors in our constellation and neither of us are really able bodied enough to do it
But I'm trying to admit their words fuck with us. And can be distressing on the system especially since we're mute at the moment and communication with them is even harder.
Anyway, I'm in some DID support groups where people expressed jealousy I was close and loved by another system and in some ways I am lucky, but in some ways it's this.
They say falling in love with a host's partner as an alter is a terrible experience. 'It's not about you', they say. 'It's wrong. You will ruin the relationship', I hear from them
I am a little confusing boygirl and I've fallen in love with her knowing that too well
Falling in love with her is like falling down into big bed full of plushies and cuddly cuddle blankets. Falling in love with her is like finding in a forest with beautiful stones and flowers. Falling in love with her is like to taste my favourite meal, once and once again!
The love I feel towards her, and others too, can't even be described. It's just like a sun pat pats you, while you're lying on her thighs, feeling the warm of her hands and you know everything is alright
I don't think the relationship was ruined
I don't think it's wrong
Because the love of each of us connects into big, non describing love and just for her
And when a soulmate is truly a soulmate, does it even matter?
Because she is mine, our, soulmate ❣️
-Miki
So I have a genuine hypothetical question and it hope im not offending anyone or anything im just genuinely curious
So if someone had DID and was married to someone, and 2 of the alters dated each other and ALSO both were in the relationship with the spouse (spouse knowing its 2 different alters) so their all in a relationship
Would that be a polyamorous relationship or monogamous?
Because physically it would only be 2 people
But technically it would actually be 3 different people all in a relationship together
Had a little cry tonight because my girlfriend is all the kindness I’ve spent my whole life hoping and longing for. We’ve been pretty sick today and in a lot of physical pain and dealing with crushing fatigue and weakness. It was scary and miserable and triggering. These symptoms hit on so many vulnerabilities and triggers for us. And girlfriend stayed with us.
One of the littles said to her, “it is hard to be alone when you’re sick,” and she changed around her plans and stayed with us. She got us a smoothie since that’s what sounded good, she helped with laundry and dishes, she watched Finding Nemo with us, she gave us so many cuddles, and she tucked us into bed tonight.
And I’m just...overcome. Overcome with gratitude. I’ve never felt so loved and cared for. And it makes my heart burst that now the itties (as she calls the kid parts) get to feel love and care from a safe adult too. It’s so healing. It’s everything. I love her with my entire heart and I’m so thankful. 😭💜
—Rémy
