I've noticed a woman on the street today; she had pants that made her backside very noticeable. I made myself look away, and wondered to myself, am I allowed to stare after her? Am I being creepy right now? Should I mind my own business and not let my gaze wonder? Would she feel uncomfortable knowing I'm looking at her, regardless of what I'm thinking? (I thought she looked very nice).
And it reminded me to how when a woman on tumblr posts a very gaze-catching photo, all of us ssa ladies comment on it 'I am looking respectfully' and we mean it. We're saying, we like the picture, and we respect you, and we also cannot tear our gaze apart because you are incredibly attractive on that pic.
And isn't that a lovely way to respond? We never for a moment forget to consider that she is human, and to write in a way that wouldn't make another human being feel threatened and uncomfortable.
Think what a stark contrast that is to male reactions to female pictures! Males will throw in numbers on an imagined scale, jokes on how they would destroy or violate her, isolating and criticizing parts of her, enacting fantasies of possessiveness and unwanted sexual advances, condemning her personality, and then go the whole way to jealousy over who has ownership of her, anger that she dared to post it, indignation over her existing, threats, sexual threats, and in the end they will throw slurs if she exists and isn't offered as a service to them.
It's disturbing, the first thing they do is forget that she is a human being, they see an object without thoughts, or ability of having an emotional reaction to what is being said. Or, maybe they don't forget it, and it's that emotional reaction of fear, discomfort, pain and demotion of her self-esteem is what they are really after.
My point is, I love the culture of women being respectful to other women. I feel comfortable here, knowing nobody will ever forget that another woman is human, no matter how much or little clothing she is wearing, regardless of attraction we feel, regardless of what she is showing to us. We don't want to do anything to damage her self-esteem, her courage or her own self-perception, we don't want her to feel threatened or uncomfortable. That means women can do whatever they want without having to fear disastrous consequences. As they should!
And I think it's good too, that my first thoughts are if I'm making someone uncomfortable. It's good to be aware that other human beings are not here to be gawked at, regardless of what they're wearing.
