09.01.24
The problem with lying on the couches in the atrium of the aerospace building is not that I might be seen and judged my other students passing by (today still lives in that strange liminal space between terms, the few occupants wandering the halls fellow grad students more likely to sympathize with my languishing than criticize me for it). Rather it is that I am anemic. The moment I swing my legs back onto the ground and stand I see, in my swirling vision, the same stars I aspire to one day reach. And then I have to sit down again so I don't fall over.
The term has yet to begin in proper though the threat draws nearer by the day. Still, I find myself strangely exhausted. The dreary weather does little to help. Seem only to have found enough strength today to work through the morning, writing a bit aimless with no tangible project in which to ground it. Staring down the barrel of the year ahead impresses upon me the need to do Something of Value with the endless time I feel I have now, but even the tasks I conjure up for myself feel less than meaningful. I make myself another cup of tea and stare at the glow of monitor. Things will pick up soon enough.
🎶 That's As May Be - Jonny Greenwood
