#dijonnoginger

[gretagesundheit]

text 💬 grijon

Greta: You have 14 days to rock my world if you want me to be all yours, Colonel Mustard. Tick, tock.

[aspenfrederickson]

text 💬 dispen

Aspen: FUCK. FUCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S NOT SAFE.

Aspen: I WILL PROVIDE NO FURTHER DETAILS, JUST THROW IT AWAY ASAP!!!

[bobotomago]

@dijonnoginger​:

I SWEAR ON HOT GIRLS AND ROBOTS THAT NOTHING IN THE WORLD COULD GET ME TO WANNA STEP INTO THAT KINDA MESS AGAIN. AND HOT GIRLS AND ROBOTS MATTER WAY MORE TO ME THAN CHEETOS AND NOODLE BURGERS DO TO YOU! And this part’s strictly between you and me, aight? But I figured it’d be more convincing than swearing on anything else, so you get to be the lucky guy who finds out that I finally slept with Greta. Twice. So, you know, I’m good.

IT’S ONLY A MESS BECAUSE YOU’RE MESSY, I LIVE WITH ZOE, I KNOW FIRSTHAND SHE’S VERY VERY NEAT! ALSO, YOU TAKE THAT BACK, NO ONE LOVES ANYTHING MORE THAN I LOVE CHEETOS, I EVEN NAMED MY CAT AFTER THEM! But also woooooooah, what? I thought she was hooking up with Heath, when did she switch to hooking up with you instead? Or is she hooking up with you BOTH at the same time? Did you guys have a threesome??? Also, if you want me to really believe you swear on Greta’s boobs instead of robots and hot girls, it’ll mean more when there’s a face attached to your swear!

[aspenfrederickson]

text 💬 d👀i👀s👀p👀e👀n

Aspen: Excuse me sir.

Aspen: Do you have something to tell us all?

Aspen: And by us all I mean MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHO YOU DON'T SEEM TO THINK YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN DATING HER FOR MONTHS????

[gretagesundheit]

text 💬 grijon

Greta: Ugh, I told this guy whose ass I kicked in a Destiny tournament that we could meet up later, but then he Zapped me a picture and it was... underwhelming. Should I ghost, or should I ghost?

[gretagesundheit]

@dijonnoginger​:

What do you mean you don't stomp all over my dreams? I might as well call you Dream Stomper with how many of my dreams you've stepped on! So many are still bruised and sad on the ground demanding kisses to make them feel better.

Wow, drama king! I’m not the stompy sort, so whatever dreams are getting crushed here, that’s on you. I deserve a much sexier nickname than Dream Stomper, I’ll get back to you when I find a name that’s worthy of me instead. And you can get back to me with where those bruises are. I know my kisses have magic healing powers, but I can’t kiss it better if I don’t know what it is. I’m not a mindreader; I have too many other great qualities, piling that on too just wouldn’t be fair. 

[aspenfrederickson]

text 💬 dispen

Aspen: How could he even ASK if I was judging him for folding the pages in his comic book to mark his place? Comic books are so SHORT, what reason is there to even stop mid-issue?

[gretagesundheit]

@dijonnoginger​:

Go for it. While he’s at it, maybe he can cure your Dijon addiction, though I’m not sure about that one. I heard you’ve got a pretty severe case.

Oh, is that what I’ve got? Thanks for diagnosing me, Dr. D, but I’ve been living life this way for years and getting by just fine. Besides, I have a feeling you’d be awfully disappointed if all of this went away.