When Roles Are Reversed – Caring For Aging Parents
Caring for aging parents without seeming like an overbearing ‘helicopter’ child can be like walking a tightrope for adult children.
I read a recent article at theatlantic.com entitled, What Aging Parents Want From Their Kids. The biggest issue is that parents find there is a fine line between their kids’ caring and controlling.
In my experience that fine line exists for both parents and kids. So the tightrope-walking act is often going on for both parent and child. Role reversal can be distressing when the adult child makes every effort to help the parent who stubbornly resists help.
It is easy for the child to greatly overestimate the mental and physical decline of the aging parent. What I have been witness to in the aging parent scenario is parents resisting the notion of being considered incapable by their children often due to minor diminished capacity. When the diminished capacity is great, the resistance can also become more intense. Everyone is afraid of the worst while wanting the best.
A Preventative Suggestion
I always encourage families to attempt to come to some kind of agreement sooner rather than later. No one ever knows for certain if or when they will become mentally or physically incapable of caring for oneself. Also, it’s difficult if there is only one adult child who doesn’t live close enough to the parent to see to their needs on a regular basis.
Giving up one’s independence can be terrifying. No longer being able to drive oneself to the supermarket or church or to see friends can understandably make someone cranky. However, endangering their own lives as well as the lives of others must be taken into consideration. So, how do families make that decision before someone gets hurt?
