#dirty jerz

[itsobviousyourejaded]

On the boardwalk. Ootd is cute.

[the-lady-ren]

A Day in the Life of...

I’m leaving to go to work today. There’s a commuter parking lot by my building that has a small roadway that residents will cut through to get to the on ramp for the highway. First, let me say that the commuters around the city I live in are rude and shitty. They dump their car garbage on the streets, they give no fucks for the people around here who actually live here. My city is merely a way station for them to get to the path train so they can get to their shitty capitalist cubicle job in NYC. (He’s got Massachusetts plates, btw)

So anywho, I’m cutting through the lot and some bro almost plows into me head on. Doesn’t even look at me, just continues on. I look at my clock...I’ve got ten minutes extra to get to my shift, so I flip a u turn and angle my car right by his driver side door. He’s trying to ignore me while he puts on his slave costume (a suit blazer). But I know my glare is boring into him.

Finally he gets out and I roll down my window and I’m like...’what the fuck?’ He responds ‘you’re a shitty driver’

I’m like...are you fucking kidding me? You nearly plowed into me head on, on the WRONG SIDE OF ME. And I LIVE HERE. And residents are TIRED OF COMMUTERS. He shrugs and keeps walking. So, in true Jersey fashion, I step the fuck out of my car and hock the biggest loogie up that I can (it’s helpful that the summer has my asthma all riled up) and spit it all over his driver door handle. It makes a wonderful pattern, spraying over the door and window. Bro turns around and walks back to his car as I get back into mine and I hear him say ‘what the FUCK?’

I laugh uproariously and say, ‘WELCOME TO NEW JERSEY MUTHAFUCKA!’ He responds with the ever wonderful, ‘you stupid fat bitch’

By now, other people are walking through the lot on their way to the train station and now staring while I point at him and address them. ‘You guys! He called me a fat bitch!! I’m so amazed at his clever comeback! I’ve NEVER heard of a wordsmith so WISE and WITTY! Never in my LIFE! Have I been called FAT or a BITCH!!’

The dude is now so embarrassed because people are staring at HIM that he’s quickly trying to scoot out of the lot.

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t fuck around with Jersey girls. We will call you out unabashedly and we will embarrass you. AND, if need be, we will slash your fucking tires!

[pisceskittty]

I’m gonna be in Philadelphia and NJ this weekend 🥰 who lives there?! 👋🏽😁

[gin-loves-harry]

[artsyasfuckk]

shameless 😜

[thehatoncarl]

Feeling okay today

[wavywizardry]

If my teacher saw me now what would she say Same thing that the fiends say, Grade-A

[welcometomystate]

Was trying to figure out which states I have left

and I realized I never posted my New Jersey photo!

I have been so many times, too! We used to go on the weekends all the time as a kid.

Very late add, but here we go.

State 40/50. 
New Jersey. 
December 25, 2015. 
24 years old.