#dirty limerick

[gallopinggallifreyans]

December 15th, 2025

Pâtissier

Tonight, a Michelin pastiche  We start with hors d’oeuvres then a quiche  (It’s pronounced quickie)  (Call me, come quickly)  And please don’t forget the ceviche 

Rusting your beard with each kiss  Covering your pretty lips  Scoop up the platter  Fingers in batter  Repeat the motion then twist 

Roll the dough thick as a finger  Butter it, don’t let it linger  Fold it in half  Let the scent waft  Guide it once more through the wringer 

Rings in silver and black  Cool on the warm oven rack  Slide the sheet in  Timer, begin  Breathe in and pick up the slack 

Eclairs, those plump, chocolatey dreams  Red jelly on Peek Freans, it gleams  Twinkies, Swiss rolls  By the handful  Lick it off, I’m covered in cream 

Baby, come butter my biscuit  Dressed up in white, how you wished it  Warm and soft  Take it off  Or leave it on, please just eat it 

Three meals a day isn’t enough  Pull them apart, cream in my puff  Cinnamon, spice  Everything nice  I’m so full, that’s too much, I’m stuffed!

___

The original title was "Saucier" as a pun on the kitchen position and comparative (more saucy). This is a pure horny, very dirty, barely disguised, not-even-trying-to-hide-it type of poem. Its partner can be found here.

[definegodliness]

Toe-suck Bob had… 'uncommon' needs His fetish oft lead him to dubious deeds:

An anthropod Wrapped round his rod,

"No footjob is quite like A millipede's!"

[ingridgradient]

Halloween: A Dirty Sylki Limerick (E-rated! Click below to view)

“Halloween!” cried the frost giant runt,

As he lifted her skirt up in front.

“Trick or treat?” he then asked.

“Why not both?” And she basked

In his scent as he lapped at her cunt!

Sylkitober Day 31: Halloween! This has been fun, thanks to @dixin_arts for the prompts!

[quinnallerton]

My spouse is rebuilding an original Commodore 64 and he finds the best content to screenshot me:

[swtor-legacy-sitcom]

A SWTOR Limerick, By me.

There was a sith slut from Yavin IV

Shed fuck her neighbors from door to door

After two dozen sith and a couple of bith

She got a job as a nar Shaddaa whore

[robin-louise]

Barista Valentine's on receipt paper, so romantic

[gallopinggallifreyans]

December 15th, 2025

Bar Tender

Bottles of scotch on the table  Uncorked, breathing, black label  Smoky and fine  Waiting to dine  Your meal’s a pretty brown sable 

Shaken or stirred, clean or dirty  Tzatziki or boysenberry  Savour the flavour  A lengthy endeavour  Sip it slow, just like that, baby 

Patience is always a virtue  Honey, inside, like I told you  Summery sweet  A bottle of mead  Warms me up like springtime anew 

On one end, a manual juicer  With a fruit that you’re squeezing looser  On the other, a cup  With a straw that I suck  These sweet fruits fill us full of douceur 

Tangy, zesty, lime on the rim  Flavours your tongue, the lights go dim  Tasting, teasing  Bratting, pleasing  Take a shot, your patience grows slim 

Thirst sparks a dark look in your eye  Condensation rolls down my thigh  Grip the glass  Or my ass  I won’t complain, I’ll ride that high 

Drink like the Irish, they said  I’m drinking an Irish instead  No, it’s not Guinness  But under my dress  He’s hiding his creamy head

___

Giggled the entire time I wrote this. Here's the partner piece to this one. Both are extremely horny. To be honest I needed a break from depressing shit. And this came out!

[pipwasreal]

There once was a god from Underground

Arose and first thing said: "Rosebud-sound!"

Equipped with her spear

And lubricant, hear:

"Let's urethra fuck every cock around!"