#disabled bitch

[majaurukalo]

I can see my mom turning in her grave because I started using a cane (and she fought so hard to not make me reliant on a mobility aid).

I’m not sorry. I’m rather angry that she taught me ableism.

I’m in my angry phase and I’m fine with that.

[catdemontraphouse]

I have about three spoons to my name on a daily basis and they all look like this

[thepancakewitch]

sacrificed my bed time to clean it

[sithprincex]

I am so glad I’m at the ren faire and dropped maybe too much money on a fairy wing cape thing, but tbh it’s so worth it.

Tho this isn’t the most accessible set up. There’s only one way in and out.

So we have to retrace the entire path.

I’m officially too disabled to do these things without a wheelchair.

Fuck.

[pynapplepyro]

I still have dreams about running.

The steady movement, the sound and feel of the pounding of my feet on the pavement, pushing myself to get to that next fog bank for the refreshing cool down.

I used to run every night and most mornings. I would even go to the gym at least 3 times a week. It was wonderful freedom.

Getting to my cool down always felt like a victory.

How do I reconcile that with my fibromyalgia though? I always feel like I have shin splints healing or a pulled muscle. When i was first getting sick i would try to push through it and end up puking. Eventually pushing through it meant I was in so much pain and discomfort that walking was a chore.

I probably also have something called ME/CFS. That means that I dont have the muscle stamina to hold out my arm very long or lift something up. I also tend to just sleep for humungous chunks of time when ever there is the slightest injury or illness. My husband sometimes has to wake me up to eat and use the bathroom. We haven't tried to see what would happen if he didn't.

But after 2.5 years of this I still dream about running. I still have that sensation in my arms and legs that they need to move and I want to so badly. The feel of the air on my skin is irreplaceable.

These dreams feel like the world is taunting me or my body is punishing me. Reminding me that I once ran a half marathon a day and ate only healthy and nutritious meals. I honestly dont think I have ever eaten so much junk food in my life. I'm disgusted with myself.

These dreams feel so real that I wake up ready to do it again.

The pain in my ankles and ribs fixes that though.

[sophie-t-m]

I can't even be fucked painting my skateboard

WTF SOPHIE