Lisa, I'll never lie to you. Which is why it's hard for me to say this (not really, I just know I should feel guilty because we helped Suan out today with that whole 'filming the movers taking the last possesions you have because your hyper-rich husband is taking back what he thinks is his and what he knows is yours' thing) but I don't know where that marriage went wrong.
I don't know what it takes to divorce someone. She told us that he broke it to her when she was in her sweatpants and a tank top, sweating a storm up on the top of the ladder in the third story master bedroom that we filmed those movers destroy.
"Susan, I want a divorce" was what he said. "I could have fell" she said.
I wanted to ask, "well did you finish painting the ceiling?" because what I'm really curious about is how it went from there, but I can't ask that shit. I mean, the ceiling was obviously done when we were there, I didn't notice a splotch, and I'm sure she would have said something if it wasn't finished. I guess that was July of 2009 though.
Lisa, can you really believe that? I know that this guy sounds like a douchebag, smells like a douchebag, and looks like a douchebag, but she said he was a good father. My mother wouldn't say that about my dad. My sisters wouldn't even say my dad was a good dad, yet somehow my parents are still together.
Maybe I should stop playing the devil's advocate, but I hate one sided story tellers. There has to be a reason that her son stayed down there the whole time, even when we went down there with the cameras and movers. She said his friends were down there and they weren't. The N64 was left on from the night before, Legend of Zelda - Ocarnia of Time.
A box of 312 and a burnt out TV in that basement. Buddhist my ass. If the court awarded his son's bedroom to the father, he would have been passed out drunk in the basement undisturbed.
What if "Bob" was her schizophrenic companion and "Bob" was coming to "take her possesions" from a "divorce" when really she just hadn't paid her mortgage in a year and the court couldn't get her put away just yet so the Repo people and her "friend Paul" and everything were a huge skit they had to throw together, some Shutter Island shit, some extreme measures to get what they needed. Maybe that's why her son didn't wake up.
Do you think we should exploit this Lisa? Should we make some 'anti-men' movie and sell it outside Target to single mothers/desperate housewives who want to 'emopower women'? Should we say proceeds are going to battered women's shelters, or even her son's California Community College education?
For real, who the fuck goes to California to study at a Community College?
She showed us her lengerie and the "pot box" of shit she stole from her kids that her kids stole back. She said, "there used to be a few more pipes and some weed in there but I guess one of my younger daughters went through my room to get the box, and it was under all my dirty clothes in the hamper, isn't it kinda strange she went through all that to get the pot?" and I said "yeah kinda desperate" but what I really wanted to say was, "no, from the way your life sounds, I would search high and low for every bud, and pipe filled with resin to smoke it until I forgot everything. I'd smoke all the resin out then sell the pipes for munchies, or trade them for more drugs."
In the middle of typing this, Lisa called me and said "my parents said she was lying, or leaving stuff out, not telling the whole truth" and I agreed.
What if she had fallen from that ladder as he said "I want a divorce" and died? Rolled down that narrow staircase they had to dismantle the bed so it'd fit? Would we have been there today? Would the move and the divorce happened?
Would we have ever cared for Susan and her family?
Honestly, no. She would have been some obituary that was made fun of on the internet where the truth would have read something closer to The Onion:
LOCAL WOMAN DIES IN BEDROOM, "ALL I SAID WAS I WANTED A DIVORCE, BUT AFTER THIS TRAGEDY I BROUGHT IN MY NEW GIRLFRIEND AND HER KIDS AND THE FAMILY IS BIGGER AND HAPPIER THAN EVER!"
Maybe that's a strech, but I do recall her saying "lets make some art" and "I like dark and twisted". Remember when her friend was imitating her husband and his new girlfriend in their old bed,
"Did you come in this bed Bob?"
"Well dear, I do believe I did!"
"Oh Bob, I'm not angry, thanks for always telling the truth!"
Is this fucked up and wrong? Is this taking too many cheap shots? Lisa? Anybody?
What about that lady we saw the night before about the X and Y coordinates and line graphs and Algebra used to caluclate if you were going to cheat on your spouse after X years and Y fights? Was she right?
I feel torn up and sad again now Lisa. I need you to whisper that it'll all be okay in that Bambi little voice that you only do for me into my ear. If you do, I'll promise I'll get better at my Bukowski-raspiness and brush my teeth more. I'll even start flossing a few times a week. I'll only wear clean socks, and I'll even make "DIVORCE DAY" T-shirts so we can laugh someday.
