5/29/26 5:51pm old sketch and oc dnd character
idk why… but sometimes I sketch people as I think they would be in a video game in the fantasy realm… based off their initial reaction and the feel i get from them
back then… when Alexa was first new in my life I made this sketch (I was thinking of some new tattoo ideas n shit at the time and my mind was off to adrift and wonder… verbally i forgot what she told me ^because I was just barely functioning^ but the essence was captured and thus inspired this:
I saw someone similar to me in a way…
interestingyly enough homebrewing her character to be a powerful witch that grew more inpower leading a covenant to gain more power than any foe before her all trembling beneath her as she expanded in conquest
(on the siths principle rule of two she craved power while Darth Persis embodied power)
but however Darth Perdis was like “He who remains” he already paved the road in this conquest and after living and dying and reincarnated again and again he just was built different… He had instead as a warlcok learned reality warping through mastery of the elements and as a neuromancer and alchemist
(Also both are great book I do want to re read it again)
He learned how to mold reality with his own two hands but he had to hit it with the Thanos *snap*
and both of them sought conquest in power… control… dominanation… because they both didn’t like feeling weak in their past…
Darth Perdis was … the combination of a rouge and being that of a warlock made him like the opposite of Dr.strange… Darth Perdis (villian name for if spiderman was irl villian the perdis = spider re arranged in word play…
forbidden techniques burst hyper aggressive play after assessment of the target’s strengths and weaknesses and modifing the environment to build an unfair advantage along with phantom techniques that he honed in shadow boxing… all these things blended with charisma… nobody could ever stand a chance…
He had no need for love… he already made a promise to himself… to have Power as his only mistress… he would use women for his own needs… and if they weren’t of any interest or worth seeking to consume knowledge from him or help fortify his own knowledge then they were deemed useless… and abandoned…
but during the time… the mask was slipping… no… taking over… consuming him…
(although I recall Alexa buying magic does she actually play or just wanted to collect for marvel hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm nahhhhhh aint no way she built for that life)
*flashbacks of seeing her car, cracked lips I want to hydrate by giving her the kiss of life, wanting to do her nails myself and just yap about some shit n watch a movie like “pitch perfect, or a horror movie, or animated film like Swapped while talking shit as the movie goes on like added commentary* idk i feel like she’d like that idea…
after reflecting being in prison for 5 years it also made me want to spend more time with people physically (of course with women I honestly aint tryna make any nee guy friends as I already have my loyalty from my brothas that where there before, during, and after my incarceration and after being a workaholic and “grinder” I got burnt tf out bro likkkkeeee fuuuuxkxkkkkkkkkkk
(literally having her drink backwash typashit out of my mouth into hers)
but like with the new people in my life I have noticed every woman I didn’t fuck got mad at me… or blocked me…
Me panicking and laughing at the same time when I see the read but normally everyone hits me with immediate responses and after knowing she immediately responds but yet tries to intentionally play the “make him wait game or fucking *xerox machine noises* (👾) brain malfunction im like -_- bruh we aint in highschool no more but then Jade like “BRO ITS YOU SHE’s FREAKING OUT MANNNNNN XD like i was freaking outttt”
Its difficult and different eith Jade like she built up the same feeling that Alexa has produced but it took Jade 10 years for me to get to tha point and even then she still doesn’t know everything about me… she knows I hide shit… she seen some of my darker days… and I was there for hers… we both feel like monsters and demons and all kinds of shit… thus why she became a succubuss and I an incubus… we reinvented ourselves but also using our past pain and failures and misunderstanding and… she was always there but of course like a shadow stalker observing me… and it didn’t help the ache in her heart that I was fucking her best friend and not her until the idea of her influencing to do both of them at the same time…
and then like magic over time there werre other best friend duos when I was working on the strip… a little bit of alcohol and a whole lot of stress would make me tear their ass up for sex…
but they’d be gone… again… names forgotten but their hands like phantoms on my skin…
its so fucking stupid how everyone kept saying thei jealous of me… but they never knew the pain I was just numbing myself with womeen with… and it didn’t help that I went from ygly to handsome checking all the boxes… of “success” team sales lead
had a motorcycle (sure no plates n stufff but hey it was mine)
did a lil extra ushering to get paid to see events and still see my friends but it was different although we experienced the same venue… it hit different when I fot paid to watxh it and work there then sitting with them and expirence it together… I would have loved to be their with Willow as she went in alone it was a nice suprise and everytime I was asleep she would just poke me gently and then I loved feeling those light head taps on my scalp… her eyes a mighty bright of hues of green and orange… but she was in the back of the class a meance like me but she used art… and was with the flock of my murderous crows… as she watched me take over the lead role of John Proctor… While i tried to catch as little sleep as i could I remembered ms.Ryan gave me the main role so I could participate and normally I’d be mad if nobody i knew was there eith me… then the “nigga” would come out if me the Brooklyn accent would slip out… and my “attitude” came from my discomfort…
as I’d be alone although surrounded by idiots and false egos… nobody worth remembering…
*fuck man I’m honestly glad im fucking just in bed finally it feels si fucking nice to just lay down in comfort most of the time I like the bare grass on my skin and being present but this brings me back to my childhood days…*
How I am on the natc but gotta like restrict myself because you know…
“Society norms and gotta hold a job”
when shit like this be the normal *crackinf up* i cant fucking breathe…
I love it when everyone is already have the message sent to them so I can do shinanigans while waiting for them to respond or like get off work… today I was just beat… you know. what Ima make that a nee ince a month kinda thing to allow myself the privilege of just being in bed all dsy… its so nice… I haven’t done this shit in so long… likeeeee fuuucckkkkk…
my feet are so stifff they no longer ache or hurt they are jsut always stff until I add heat and do the ankle foot toes message… I need to get back on my nibbleness and work on increasing my loseness and flexibility again before sparing again
also gotta ask my birdies for some advice on face paint U do want to look like my painting this time
they loved the color scheme of it and I gave it to the owner (which ironically looks like a goth version of Mitzi)
before leaving they all gave me hugs and it reminded me of what life used to be like… constant affection to be neglected at home… to train to maybe have to kill my moms boyfriend because he kept leaving death threats to kill my family… so i didnt argue I just preparedand was ready…
ready to kill a man… because I didn’t think he was joking… I’d sweep the house just in case he was already in… I’d feign that I was blasting music but the music was bait… it was a decoy… in case he expected me to be there… and I would check esch spot outside the zone of noise so I coukd observe… and then finally I could relax a little knowing the house was cleared…
I’d worry that he’d come by when I had company… so I’d stay closer to the door with my butterfly knife… prepared… ready… but this man… he was never there ehen I was so I trained all that time… only to have an automatic response when someone threatened my life eith a knife… it happened so quickly…
the moment of the flash of the knife then a slray of blood then him leaking all over me…
I didn’t know it was a joke…
… Im sorry Chenthe… I didn’t know you were joking… I thought you were actually going to kill me… and I was already overtrained…
I tried to stop once I realized you weren’t still trying to kill me… I got so used to it… everyone trying to kill me… even my own mother finds me disgusting like my father
she told me my father was an evil man
she told me that he hated me…
but over time I realized she was the crazy one snd that she’s always been…
Im the guy that goes on stage to just yell “BITTTTCHHHHHHHH”
but my rage is muffled so the bree is
my mother called me a monster failing to realize I got stronger by her design…
when I was to weak as a child… the heel of her boot on my skull… because I wanted a hug… but she thought it was gay… spitting on my face as I was below her in the corner… my safe place… blood on my face… told to just clean myself up… but that smell of the crimson mist… it became nostalgic growing up with it in my mouth… in my nose… on my face… or others on my hands… when I lost to my rage…
but my friends they don’t blame me for how I am… they accept that I am eccentric and need space at times to go tocuh grass and then I would need them sometimes to recharge me so I can push through and go “kioken”
(Joe’s telling me if I learned how to harness that mania at will just like the performance part that I’d be unstoppable I missed it… the flow of the universe just coursing through me…
but it kept building… overflowing…
but now they keep saying how I want from Z broly to super Broly as it is more accurate
and Alexa never seen how I’d used to just chug water and alchool and be a party animal… I felt like if I went to that party I would have like… idk like relapse in a way to my old self…
Like someone might have talked the shit to mee too many times and with alchool in mysystem I know I just fire peoples shit up without arguing
I was treated like a dog most of my life but when I acted that animal primal part I wasn’t shooed away for it and it was hust me… the Mad Dog… (i found it nostalgic when one of the other managers left a note for me “bad Cysko”
🦮it reminds me how I was more of a guard dog for women than their boyfriend or lover… just something fun to play with that they’d get wet for…
Genevieve as a new person in this re adjusting chapter got to see me as I was… and I feel like robbed and lied to Alexa but when my mask slipped and when Mitzi also laughed at my darker jokes it was when I started trusting them a bit more…
something I just haven’t done because you know cant trust nobody in prison… like not even your own race especially if you’re lightskin and they see both female CO’s and staff actually flirting with me… God i remember when the blood draw nurse was runbing up on me and slapped the vein in my arm biting her lip…
I know it hits harder knowing that Alexa liked the “sad hawt boi version” she kept saying how I’d like tease the customer snd I guess that was my old habits dying hard… she noticed more of my actions and habits I wasn’t aware of and that spiked my interest a bit more… and thay foot thingy sh does when she like slams her foot in the floor like a lil pony was just idk cute
Genivie doesn’t do it the same way and Genivie is more unhinged like me I hated when shed be so fusttraed grB her own neck and start screaming Im like bro-_- for the love og god and all things holy don’t donthat around me…
