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Macho Lucky 💗
Boye Does A Heckin Grow via Submitted June 15, 2020 at 11:20AM by LongSchlongBoye, Poop4U
You have been blessed by the farm doggo 💞
Isolation update!
Day 73 of Isolation on Tracy Island
“Scott?”
“Yeah?” he looked over from the movie he was half watching, caught somewhere between wakefulness and sleep.
“Can we go out?”
“Huh?” he frowned, clearly not following me at all. Can’t say I blame him, I hadn’t said a word for twenty minutes, a minor miracle for me, and then announced that.
"Don't fall for it," John advised.
“Can we go out?” I repeated.
“Where? It’s not like there’s anywhere to go," Scott asked.
I waved my phone at him. “England has just eased the lockdown and has said you can have up to six people in a garden at one time and I want to visit my mum.”
“Sure, I mean, I guess so. When do you want to go?” He’s such a good boy, this one.
“Now.”
“Now? You do realise it’s almost midnight, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but we’re on the other side of the world, it’s daytime there. If we go in the morning it’ll be too late. Come on, please? I've not seen them in over two months."
“Why me?” he groaned. “It’s this supposed to be John’s job?”
“You have the craft that can get anywhere in the world in under twenty minutes. And he’s refused to ever go to her’s for a barbecue again.”
“Too right I have,” he muttered. I nudged him with my elbow and he nudged me back. We got into a little nudge fight until Scott cleared his throat.
“I’m probably going to regret asking this since I already said yes, but why won’t John go again?”
“Mum has a habit of inviting everyone she knows and then she forces us to socialise. Last time she towed him around and introduced him to everyone and forced him to eat three burgers because he is too skinny.”
“It was horrendous,” he shuddered. "I felt like I was on parade, I half expected someone to check my teeth and smack my rump."
“She can’t do it this time because of the six people limit, but apparently this brave, heroic rescuer isn't prepared to risk it.”
“Because I’m not stupid,” he snorted. “I’ll stay here and just be happy when you get back, OK?”
“That is somewhat acceptable,” I allowed. "But you had better be bloody ecstatic when I return."
“Can I take back my agreement to go?” Scott asked.
“No, but you can bring a few more brothers if you want to, choose wisely.”
“Virgil, everyone loves him,” Scott decided. “The other two can't be trusted anywhere. Hey, Virg?”
“Yeah?” he called back from the kitchen where he was making his ninth cup of coffee (and then wonders why he's still awake at 3am).
“You wanna go to a barbecue?”
“Food? Sure! When?”
“Now!”
“Sure!”
“I notice you didn’t tell him where,” John grinned, receiving a soft smack on the knee for the comment.
“It won’t be that bad,” I insisted, but honestly I’m not sure who I was trying to convince. "She'll ask where you are, you know that, right?"
"Tell her that I fell into a black hole and you're expecting it to spit me out sometime before Christmas."
"Yeah, like she's going to believe that one again."
***
There was a crowd of children outside as Scott lowered One down onto the grassy green outside Mum's house, managing to avoid the trees. Skilled, that one. I can’t even park straight most days.
“There you are!” Mum called from the door, refusing to step one foot outside while the rest of the world of out was around. “Go round the back, you can’t come inside the house, your brother’s already out there! Have you got a toilet in that fancy machine? Because you can’t come inside the house! Did you bring your own plates? Because you-”
“Can’t come inside the house,” we choroused.
“We know, Mum, don’t worry.”
“Alright,” she answered. “Oh, did you bring your own drinks? Because you can’t come inside the house. No cuppa for you today, sorry, because you can’t come in and you know I won’t have my good mugs out in the garden.”
“It’s fine, Mum, we can only stay for an hour anyway, it’s getting late.”
“It’s only just gone one!”
“Yeah, but it’s one in the morning for us, you know that.”
“Oh, I’ll never get used to that nonsense,” she muttered dismissively as she shut the door on us.
“Should I be scared?” Virgil asked.
“No, don’t be silly, she loves you,” I assured him, silently crossing my fingers in the hope that I wasn't lying to him.
We’ll just stay an hour turned into three and it was growing light by the time we touched back down Tracy Island side. John was dozing on the couch when we got back. I waved one of the leftover burgers under his nose that Scott had ended up cooking because Mum had decided that drinking copious amounts of gin was a better use of her time than actually cooking the food she’d invited us to eat. My brother, being a vegetarian, refused to touch anything meat related and wouldn’t cook either.
John grabbed at the burger without even opening his eyes, catching my wrist and directing it towards his mouth while I held it for him, only sitting up to take it once he’d taken a bite.
“Lazy,” I accused, but he knew I didn’t mean it.
“How bad was it?” he asked Scott and Virgil, who flopped wearily down on the couch opposite.
“I had a great time,” Virgil grinned.
“Only because of the dog,” Scott grumbled.
“Mum’s dog fell in love with him,” I explained. “Fat, soppy staffie that insisted on climbing on his lap and refused to move.”
“He was cute,” Virgil cooed. “And he loved me.”
“That dog loves everyone,” John told him. “You aren’t special.”
“Apparently Scott is,” I grinned. “Mum thinks he’s the most handsome thing ever to have walked this earth, she is obsessed with him. She kept checking him out, I’m sure of it.”
“I feel slightly violated,” Scott confessed. “She wouldn’t leave me alone, she kept asking me questions.”
“She did that to me too,” John told him. “Did she call all her neighbours to come to meet you?”
“Yes, one even got a ladder out to wave over the fence”
“Did she tell you all that she loves you because she was tipsy?”
“Many times, we got a lot of attention.”
“Did you end up cooking because she forgot to and burnt the first batch?” John continued his interrogation.
“No, I ended up cooking because the first batch were only cooked on one side,” Scott answered.
“I played with the puppy,” Virgil smiled.
“He’s hardly a puppy, he’s eleven,” I laughed.
“They are puppies forever,” he insisted.
“So you regret taking her?”John asked Scott.
“No, of course not. She’s been here for more than two months with our family, she needed to see her’s,” he answered. “But I do regret forgetting to set the alarm on One and now we have to scrub off a rude depiction of a piece of male anatomy that’s been spray painted on one of her tail fins.” Scott yawned and got up. “I’m going to get a few hours sleep before we give my baby a bath.”
“Scott!” Virgil yelled, jumping up and following after him. “Can we get a puppy?”
“And you wondered why I didn’t want to go,” John finished his burger and grabbed my hand, hauling me to my feet. “Bed for you, it’s late and you know full well you’ll be helping him clean tomorrow.”