how strange everything... no, rather stupid. yes, that's right. everything that happens around me IS stupid, but I'm the stupidest one. wanting to open up, I don't even notice how I'm burning up from the inside.
the heart always came first, and only then the brain. empathy came first, and then common sense.
I will never forget the words of my great - grandmother: "everything should be done with love." but do these words make sense now? those words faded just like her life. this corpse rotting underground doesn't look at all like the womam who raised me almost all my childhood. I miss her. very much.
so that's what I'm talking about... sometimes it seems to me that it's worth keeping quiet altogether. do not talk too much about yourself, wanting to gain mutual trust. after all, as they say, "even the stupidest silent person will be considered a wise person." but what's the point? why should I hide behind the mask of a cold-blooded person? but there's no point in exposing yourself either too... after all, no matter how they look at me, it's like I'm naked in front of all my friends. at all. it seems to be good, but it seems to cause fear. animal fear.
everything seems to be going well now: quarrels with my parents have become more rare, my meds helps me to live a better life, and summer is caressing with its rays... that's just what I realized. no matter how hard you try to get some kind of love in return from others, it's like sunlight: warm and bright, as if flowing between your fingers, but as soon as you reach for this light, it immediately begins to mercilessly dazzle your eyes, blocking your view of something else. and you can, it would seem, just put on sunglasses... but this will only complicate the situation.
does it turn out that in order to get a good attitude towards yourself, you need to sacrifice yourself and go through yourself, even if it brings unbearable pain? I had enough of that as a kid. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to at all.













