It's weird to realize I've lived most of my life for others.
Being the product of boomers, I pretty much lived for their needs. Then as I got older I met a girl who kind of helped me realize my family was messed up, so I left home. Then I started living for her needs.
We broke up and I had a few years on my own. Honestly though, I was still living under the romantic idea of getting back with the girl, despite her getting a kind of revenge on me for when initially ended things.
Fast forward and then I met my (now) wife Overlord. See, she had a very close family. Or, so I thought. Turns out her parents are narcissists and pretty much ran our lives. During that time though, I lived my life for the Overlord and her parents.
After 15 years or so, Overlord finds out she wants independence and goes no contact with her crazy family. Generally, she's never been happier.
But now I realize I've been living my life for her. Not me. I got married and had the Hell Spawn because I thought it's what you're "supposed" to do, as I bought into the lie from my boomer parents that parenting is easy. After all, I've pretty much been on my own since I was 10 - doesn't sound too hard to parent, right?
But then you get sucked into the trap of trying to be a better parent. Plus, having an Overlord that has unrealistic expectations means everything I do turns out to be a failure.
So maybe it's time to end it all? I've read that charcoal asphyxiation is an easy way to go, and I happen to have a very small half-bath that has no ventilation. If I can't live for myself, I can at least die for myself.
