The Depressed Modern Man

For the husbands and dads that are now the laughing stock of society.

[depressedmodernman]

The Scam of Marriage and Sex...

These past few months I've been spending A LOT of time and work towards being a better father and husband. I've pretty much stopped all alcohol, have started taking Ritalin, got off social media, taken on more emotional responsibility with the kids, worked on communication with the Overlord, and am really trying to be the best husband and father I can be. And a lot of the feedback from the Overlord is that she had more time and energy when I'm taking more of the emotional load. Plus, she supposedly finds that to be more attractive (very allegedly on that one).

Now, I already require A LOT of work to keep myself sane and focused, especially in a demanding job as the primary breadwinner. Plus, having two special needs children doesn't make it easy for an autistic person. So needless to say, I'm working on all these things, AND communication to be a better partner, to where I'm very exhausted a lot of the time. So yes, I don't put effort into being romantic. First, the Overlord's hormones are out of whack so I don't even know what's going on. Second, every time there's a hint that I'd like to be teased (for example a recent moment where the Overlord asks me to do something for her, so I reply with "what do I get?" Then she flat out says "Well, I'm not flashing you if that's what you want."). Third, I'm just exhausted, simple. I'm putting all this work into being a better partner and father that I was sure there'd be more connection and sex.

So we're talking about if we'd have an affair, and I mention it would be hard for me to do so because I prefer having a connection with someone to really enjoy sex. What surprised me was her response of "Oh, I could just have sex with any guy. I'm good for that. The only reason we're not having sex is because you're not romantic." So I ask to clarify "Wait, are you saying you're ok to have sex with any other guy, even without romance?!" And she just gives an answer of "Yes. You're my husband so I'd expect you to be romantic, but with anyone else it's just sex so I don't care about that. The only reason I wouldn't have an affair is it would be too much work to organize it."

So let me get this straight. If I were just some schmo that could organize a time and place for sex, that'd be fine? But even though I'm putting in all this work to be a better husband and father, am exhausted from it, as well as providing a big portion of this great life she has....she still has the expectation for me to be romantic?! AND even without giving any hint or tease that she's even sexually interested in me?!

And I often think if I didn't get married, how she'd always feel a little bit iffy if I weren't happy in the bedroom. How it could be easier to just pack up my shit and find someone else. I hope some you g men come across this post and realize marriage is a scam and just a trap of misery.

[depressedmodernman]

And The Reason for Porn...

So lately the Overlord has been going through the perimenopause hell stage of marriage. There's really not much of a difference between it and regular days of marriage. I mean, sex was fairly non-existent already, Hellspawn are still assholes, and I pretty much am intoxicated 24/7. The biggest things are the random hot flashes and now my very existence to be a reason for my Overlord's anger. So really, no big deal.

The other thing to add is my Overlord has gone to wearing grandma moo moo dresses around the house. OK, fine, whatever. I guess when hormones change so does the concept of trying to look attractive. And last night she heads to bed while I'm watching TV with the dogs. No other indicator of anything else going on. Considering I'm already burnt out from the day and don't want to get up to let dogs out, I chill on the couch for a few more hours and mindlessly scroll TikTok and spend quality time with my Chinese spy. Eventually I get to bed and what do I find?

The Overlord wearing some sexy lingerie in bed. Passed out, of course. The next morning I was told how she was in "the mood" and waited for me to come to bed. Now mind you, there was absolutely no indication from her that anything was happening. In fact, I often lay on the couch when she goes to bed so I have some peace and quiet to myself.

Now it's the next evening and I come to bed. Guess what the Overlord is doing? Wearing the same crappy nightgown that she always wears and playing on her Nintendo switch. In other words, the clothing that speaks "don't ever touch me."

And I'm willing to bet in our next therapy session I'll hear something about how she wanted to initiate sex and I didn't come to bed. So once again, my sex life is pornography that she'll blame as ruining our marriage, yet it's the one dopamine hit that's keeping me sane.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

[depressedmodernman]

On Pornography...

So today my wife Overlord brought up some interesting info regarding people watching porn and how it's similar to addiction. My initial thought was "Well duh! It's way better than reality." So that went into an interrogation conversation about how much I watch, what I watch, why I watch, etc., etc. I think the point of her talking was more to do with trying to get me to agree that the reason I don't initiate sex very often is because I'm addicted to porn and everything else with her is boring. As we were talking, one of the Hell Spawn came downstairs, had an interaction that triggered an autistic tantrum, and then they ran off. A few moments later my Overlord proceeded to switch her target of criticism to how I made a comment some time ago about that Hell Spawn's eyebrows (I don't even remember it), and now they're totally insecure. And then it continued on with how I say things and don't realize the impact (I'm autistic, by the way so it's not easy), and then there were other examples....and I need to be mindful of what I say...etc., etc.

During the latest round of criticism I realized that porn is not something that is impacting my intimacy with the Overlord. Conversely, I go to porn because I have yet to have one of the adult actors start criticizing anything I've recently done in my life. Not only that, but it's a time I get to think of only one person...me. It may not be too long of a time, especially with a busy life, work, Overlord, and Hell Spawn...but I can find anything I might enjoy (nothing ever too crazy....I keep it simple), and just spend whatever time I can in a fantasy world until it comes to an end (pun intended). And the best part? I don't feel the sting of rejection or resentment.

So is it an addiction? Maybe. But it's also a break from reality. And honestly, doing so does depress me a little as I would prefer to experience intimacy with another person. But I made a mistake in getting married, and now the Overlord knows they don't have to do much to keep me happy since leaving is very difficult. So yes....porn it is. Not ideal, but not the worst. Prison may be the worst. Or maybe not. At least in prison your fat roommate wants to have sex with you.

#marriage #depressedman

[depressedmodernman]

It's weird to realize I've lived most of my life for others.

Being the product of boomers, I pretty much lived for their needs. Then as I got older I met a girl who kind of helped me realize my family was messed up, so I left home. Then I started living for her needs.

We broke up and I had a few years on my own. Honestly though, I was still living under the romantic idea of getting back with the girl, despite her getting a kind of revenge on me for when initially ended things.

Fast forward and then I met my (now) wife Overlord. See, she had a very close family. Or, so I thought. Turns out her parents are narcissists and pretty much ran our lives. During that time though, I lived my life for the Overlord and her parents.

After 15 years or so, Overlord finds out she wants independence and goes no contact with her crazy family. Generally, she's never been happier.

But now I realize I've been living my life for her. Not me. I got married and had the Hell Spawn because I thought it's what you're "supposed" to do, as I bought into the lie from my boomer parents that parenting is easy. After all, I've pretty much been on my own since I was 10 - doesn't sound too hard to parent, right?

But then you get sucked into the trap of trying to be a better parent. Plus, having an Overlord that has unrealistic expectations means everything I do turns out to be a failure.

So maybe it's time to end it all? I've read that charcoal asphyxiation is an easy way to go, and I happen to have a very small half-bath that has no ventilation. If I can't live for myself, I can at least die for myself.

[depressedmodernman]

So my wife wants a "really good" vacuum cleaner for her 47th birthday (I've been in prison married for 18 years, so jewelry isn't a major priority anymore) and so I get her a Dyson. Of course, a month after her using it she places it somewhere where it falls over and cracks part of the motor housing. OK. It's past the return period and Dyson won't cover accidental breaks (which makes sense), but with the wonderful Amazon customer service they send a replacement dispite it being past the 30 day return period (I make the argument that I had it in a box for 3 weeks as I stay on top of presents/surprises and they go with it. Which is cool of them to do).

So the new vacuum comes in, I take out the new motor unit as that's the only part that's bad, put the old one in the box, and get it ready to send back. Easy peazy, right?

Wrong. Overlord says "since it's a new vacuum I want everything to be new." I'm honestly dumbfounded. 1) every other part that's been used isn't even a month old and 2) she broke the damn thing and I'm the one calling customer service to finagle an exchange. Of course, there's no winning the asinine argument of an easy replacement, so I need to unpack every single part, find the old part to replace, and pack the old part in the box. And of course, nothing fits and now it's a pain in the ass to put back together.

I was really trying not to drink today. So much for that....

And for reference, here's a photo of one of the "old" parts with one of the replacements. Are you wondering which is which? Yeah me too.

[depressedmodernman]

Why do I stay up late when everyone else is asleep?

Easy.

I'm left alone to do things I actually like doing.

[depressedmodernman]

Time at home is either hearing the shrill of a banshee I call my daughter, or waiting to hear the shrill. See, she's autistic and will blow up at any moment and without warning.

So here's a lesson for those wanting kids. If they're wonderful and normal then at best you'll be exhausted and without time for yourself. If they're like my children you'll be praying someone blows your brains out so you don't have to endure another minute of hell.

[depressedmodernman]

The Wife Bitch-O-Meter...

Keep in mind, the level indicator is an inverse of the amount of bitching this week. It started at the top of the bottle.

[depressedmodernman]

The Trauma of Gen X....

So I learned in another episode of Overlord yelling "why can't you be more supportive?" that my yearning to do things I'm "supposed" to do comes more from being GenX than anything else. It makes sense. The boomers conditioned their kids to do anything to meet the needs of the parents. I remember cooking my own dinner as a teenager, working nearly full-time in high school just to have lunch money, and pretty much living my own life at least by 16, if not parts of it sooner. So as I've grown-up I always did things I thought I was supposed to do. Here are some examples:

I thought I was supposed to go to college and get a degree for a job. I starting with thinking I was supposed to go into engineering since my dad recommended it would have great pay. I ended up dropping out from not doing well. I eventually went back to college for biology with the intent of going to medical school. I switched to dental school because my girlfriend at the time had a father in dentistry, so it felt like I should do that. Eventually I got rejected from dentistry and got into IT work. After a long road of figuring out where I belonged in IT I found a company and job I love, but it went with a wasted college degree.

Now it comes to marriage. I met a nice Jewish girl and proposed within a year of dating. I'm not sure why. I guess, once again, it was what I was "supposed" to do. Especially since the marriage hints came heavily from the girlfriend and her mother.

Fast forward to kids and it turns out I'm shooting blanks. What I didn't realize at the time is that a higher power was telling me I shouldn't have kids. So we adopted. And while my son brought joy to my wife, it was pretty miserable for me. It definitely is not my son's fault and I feel guilty, but I had kids because it felt like it was "supposed" to happen. I never thought it was only an option.

Then it came to my wife and her mother wanting a second child. I originally said no because we didn't have much money and honestly, my son was already a major pain in the ass (and I'm being objective - his personality, ADHD, sensory issues and resistance behavior puts him in the special needs category). But eventually I gave in because it seemed like having a sibling is what's supposed to happen.

So then we had a little girl and as I feared, it was a rough time. Initially it was more because my son was a challenge and having another baby made it tougher to deal with him. But then as she grew up she started to have more outbursts in life. Turns out she's dyslexic as well as autistic. So now it's special needs child #2. As a person that is likely autistic as well, the emotional needs of these children goes well beyond my natural capabilities.

Then let's get to the work/life balance. After our second child I worked full-time, travelled, focused on my career to make a good life and my wife stayed home with the kids. Unfortunately, eventually my wife started going crazy and wanted to start her own psychotherapy practice as she's a social worker. I felt I should support her since it was what I was supposed to do, despite now having to take on a greater emotional burden of parenting which I'm definitely not equipped for. This has been the shift that's the hardest since I'm still the primary bread-winner with all the benefits, yet can't focus on my career to improve our lives.

I'm now going to skip through the COVID years, but needless to say it's been a rough few years and I'm still doing the shit I'm supposed to do, especially since the Overlord criticizes every parenting thing I do, there's no sex, work sucks, and my kids do nothing but emotionally drain me. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be living my authentic autistic life, but so far doing that just causes more problems since I say and do things that can be hurtful, despite not trying to hurt anyone and just be my honest self. I found out the guidance from "Unmasking Autism" is life bullshit and makes everything worse.

Jesus - when am I supposed to off myself because in all honesty, that's about the one option I've got left in this world. That, or just drink more vodka....

[depressedmodernman]

The Biggest Scam...

Is marriage and kids. I don't know why or how I bought into such a scam. Maybe I just felt it was what I was "supposed" to do. But I can pretty much point to my misery and depression as being an autistic person that can't handle the emotional craziness of a wife, let alone having two challenging children.

Here's an example: My son, a 12 year old, should be diagnosed as being clinically resistant to everything. As such I've gone to just yelling at him because, and let's be honest, he won't do anything I tell him to do if I'm nice about it. And I'm not asking much. Since he plays football he has to shower after practice and games everyday. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? But for some reason he won't do it so it's painful to get him to do basic hygiene. I just go straight to yelling since I know it's effective.

But then I have a wife that wonders why I can't be "nice and supportive." And oh yeah, I'm autistic so I don't even understand why he just simply won't do what I tell him to do.

And let's get to the wife. She's fat and doesn't do anything to show interest in sex. Yet expects me to work full-time as the primary bread-winner, cook every night, be there for the kids, and help keep the house clean. And my job can be demanding at times, let alone how I have the emotional stress and anxiety of a job that comes from seeing my father fired multiple times. So yeah, I feel justified from bringing up divorce, her weight, or wanting to find someone else for sex from past conversations. So much for trying to be "honest" with my feelings.

Now I don't mean to complain of taking responsibility for maintaining our lifestyle. It's 2022 and the patriarchy needs to change, but if you're already unattractive and don't put out, you really can't blame me for wanting to find someone else. And honestly, I really like sex. It's honestly one of the few things that makes me happy in this shitty world. Sure, I likely have an unhealthy outlook of sex, but I'm already autistic and prone to depression so I'm looking to simply make it through the day alive.

The ironic thing is that this misery would be greatly reduced if we didn't have kids. And that's the scam. Young people today are realizing they'll be happier without kids, and maybe even getting married. Shit - I wish I would've known that was an option.

[depressedmodernman]

Had a fight with the overlord....

She said "don't expect sex anytime soon."

I'm thinking "Wait...sex was even an option?!"

And now I'm almost out of vodka.

[depressedmodernman]

Here's Something to Try....

Do you like being criticized multiple times a day? How about living with someone that's more frigid than an iceberg? Have you ever wondered what it's like to have to get up early every single day, go to bed late, and be under constant stress every minute in-between? Do you love not having money? Would you rather be celibate for the rest of your life? Do you hate blowjobs?

Well then, do I have a deal for you! For just the cheap price of your happiness and sanity you could have all this and more with our wonderful wife and kids lifestyle. Say I do today!

[depressedmodernman]

On Reciprocity and Appreciation....

It must've been so nice that I took the Hellspawn away for 3 full days. The Overlord got the house to herself, could relax, not be interrupted at work, and even had a Friday and Saturday night without anyone asking anything of her. And keep in mind, this has happened a few times this past year since we moved 941 miles away from our friends and life that we knew.

OK, so the youngest Hellspawn had a fit from hell and she called the Overlord in a frantic state. And while it wasn't handled in the perfect parent way, the young one ended up fine and everything was ok in the end. Except my sanity, of course. After dealing with Hellspawn I was pretty fried, and still had a shitload of work to finish when I returned to swamp we now call home.

Was the Overlord appreciative and relaxed? Fuck no. She apparently was "triggered" all weekend and couldn't relax at all. That was happily followed by a reminder that I'm a shitty father.

Fast forward to this weekend and Hellspawn #1 went to a friend's house and so Overlord was going shopping and taking Hellspawn #2 with her. I asked to stay here. That was fine, but then I got a wonderfully sarcastic "you're welcome" from Overlord, reminding me to grovel for any minute I get alone.

So apparently the 40 minutes I was left alone is worth far more than the 72 hours the Overlord gets to be by herself. And guess what I did for that 40 minutes? Watched a training on how to parent highly sensitive Hellspawn. So yeah....that's my life.

[depressedmodernman]

The COVID Paradox

Stuck with someone for days, weeks and possibly months. It's no wonder there's now a spike in divorce filings in China. I'll be happy to add to this spike in the US when all this is over.

My advice for anyone under 40 - look, if you really want to get married...wait! I consider 40 to be the minimum with the #1 reason being that it's not really 40 until a man calms down and knows himself. Plus, you can honestly tell any potential Overlord that this is what she's getting. Plus, you'll have the confidence to tell that Overlord that if she gains excessive weight, becomes demanding, or doesn't fulfill your needs in bed, then you'll have no problem ditching her ass and moving on. And trust me, doing so will be A LOT easier if you're not married.

[depressedmodernman]

On Responsibility...

Really, it's not my fault the air conditioner broke. It's old, that's something we can expect. Luckily the Overlord and Hellspawn are blessed to live in a house with two air conditioners, so while it's hot upstairs, the downstairs is really cool.

Of course, something like this has to coincide with the Overlord having some odd cough that hasn't gone away in over a month. Then again, it's common for her to have some constant illness to complain about.

So we're waiting on parts and I said I'd call the A/C guys to see what's up, but honestly I got busy and missed my chance to make the call before 5 PM. As this happens when most of the family survives off of my income, I didn't put making a phone call to someone that really can't do anything as a high priority. Of course, the Overlord had plenty of time to have her lunch date and be laying in bed after a shower (before 5 PM and while I was out walking the dog and then giving him a bath).

So I forgot. Apparently, to the Overlord this means I don't care about her health, despite the fact it's my salary paying the mortgage, paying for the home warranty to fix the A/C, and paying for the health insurance for the never-ending list of illnesses.

In marriage, the Overlord can flippantly toss aside all responsibility for herself and just blame the husband. Meanwhile, as a husband in the 21st century, doing anything for myself means I'm selfish.

I wonder if Putin has any openings in a Siberian gulag....it's be nice to have an upgrade in life.

[depressedmodernman]

On Honesty...

Married for 13 years and for the past few months it just hasn't been going well. We decided to go to a new Guide for Living an Emasculated Life (aka couples counseling) and that brought up my feelings of not being attracted to the Overlord. However, The Guide did make one statement that I was to learn was a HUGE trap...."you can't be responsible for when someone gets upset."

So, fast forward to that night (we're talking after midnight) and the Overlord wants to talk more about our relationship. So, the topic of my attraction to her comes up and I was silent....and for too long because then she's realizing there's something I don't want to say. After more prodding I'm finally honest....I haven't really been attracted to her for the past few months and I think she's got a little too much weight.

Now, before you agree that I should be castrated, let me defend that while I love more curvaceous women, and extra weight has never bothered me...but when I'm really looking and comparing other women it's obvious the Overlord really is a tad extra (come on - stomach should NOT go beyond breasts). So yeah....it's difficult for me. I'm sorry. And now that the cat is out of the bag the Overlord is in a huge fucking meltdown and now it's like being with a crying, miserable person that I guess I am to blame.

So....here's the lesson....HIDE THE TRUTH! Even if a "Guide" says it's ok to be honest, it's all BS. As a man, we're NOT supposed to have any opinion on how our partner attracts us. Just take that swig of vodka, swallow the clonipin, and say they're perfect and do whatever it takes to keep initiating sex (I prefer milf porn before coming to bed) and acting like they're the honest thing in the world. Oh, and don't look at pictures of Liz Hurley....knowing she's 54 and still hotter than fuck is incredibly depressing.

[depressedmodernman]

Woke up at 2 AM with a fever and incessant cough. Last weekend both the Overlord and I were sick. She had it worse than I so she spent most the weekend in bed while I handled the Hellspawn. Now it's the next weekend and my cold that supposedly had gotten better made a turn for the worse. So I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a 102 fever and moved downstairs as I didn't want to wake anyone. When everyone came downstairs, the Overlord says "you can go rest in bed." Yup....it's a trap!