For a friend...
I don’t really know what you want me to tell you? How I’m doing? How I am feeling? What do I really want to say about the situation? It’s shit, that’s all I can say. It’s fucked up how everything seems fine but that’s the thing about life right? It’s the thing about a coin as they say there are two sides. Was everything alright? I’d like to think so but then again at the same time I don’t really fucking know. That’s the thing about trust is that you have to trust what other people are telling you even when you don’t know if it’s a lie or not. They may say everything is fine when really it isn’t because they don’t want to worry you or they don’t want to hurt you but that’s also the thing about relationships is communication. A relationship is not going to work unless there is communication with one another. Telling each other your faults, what you need to work on and you work on it together. That’s how you make a relationship work right? You help one another with what each of you are lacking and fuck yes it hurts. Sure it wasn’t long but who gives a shit how long it is? Why don’t you give a little kid a chocolate and they’re happy as hell and then 2 minuets later you take it away. Within those 2 minuets it felt like a lifetime to that kid. They thought of how it would taste, how they would eat it. How they would feel full after eating it and now you took it and that entire plan is ruined. Of course they’re going to be sad and of course I am sad about the entire situation so fuck stop asking me if I am okay because the answer is yes. The answer is always going to be yes. I will always tell you I am alright, I will always tell you I am fine or I am doing okay or that it’s whatever because I don’t want to worry you. It’s my own feelings, my own problems and I will deal with them just like I deal with them every fucking day of my life. Just like I will deal with them every fucking day of my future because they will always be with me. Do you want me to tell you how I really feel because at this moment I can tell you in 10 different ways and that’s just going up and down as each second passes. It’s shit, the situation is shit and of course I don’t like it. Being told that it would be unfair to me? Being told that the other person is going to be busy to talk to me or interact with me so they want to break up without talking to me about it first. Without even trying to face the problem together like a couple fucking should, like how an actual relationship should work out? If it was my decision I would say fuck it. Saying that you’re going to be to busy for me just makes me pissed and it just sounds like a fucking excuse. As if you just don’t like me the way you use to when you sent that text to me saying you were not planning on leaving at all. Like when you kissed me goodbye before you left back for college. So no I don’t believe that the real reason is what you said in the text message. I’ve been cheated on before, I’ve been lied to before and this entire situation just seems perfect for it but then again at the same time I really don’t fucking know. I don’t fucking know if it is the truth or not so I am just going to have to trust you. Trust the person that just broke up with me that they are not lieing to my face so it doesn’t hurt as much and that’s what will get me through this. That is exactly why I am going to be okay because that is what I am going to believe in. I am just going to believe that you are just to busy and that’s it’s to hard on you to continue this relationship with me but fuck how hard it’s on me right? Fuck what I’m dealing with while you’re gone right? It’s not like you’re the only one that is having a hard time with this entire situation but at least I was willing to try. If I was not willing to try I would have never asked you out. I would have never asked you out on a date or to be my girlfriend because I knew what was coming. I knew that this was going to be hard on the both of us, that we would have to try to make it work out and apparently I was the only one trying or wait I’m sorry there is another option. I’m sorry I wasn’t worth trying hard enough like he apparently was because you know a few states over is a lot further than just 3 simple hours. There is a big difference between what an 18 hour drive and a 3 or at least I would like to think there is a big difference but I guess I wasn’t worth trying that hard for huh? One week and you were done, you gave up? So yes it’s going to hurt and yes I’m going to think of all of this because that’s how my mind works and then I start to think about me. I start to think again if this was all something I did. Did I not come on to you enough? Did I not call or text you enough? Did I not try to open to you enough? I don’t fucking know and that’s why it sucks because if I get with someone else who is to say I wont fuck everything up like this again? Who is to say I won’t make a mistake somehow that I don’t understand and everything is going to crash like it is now? I just don’t understand. I don’t understand and at the same time I tell myself I do. I will believe in what you texted me because that’s all I can believe in right now. I told you from the beginning that school is more important. I told you from the beginning that I didn’t want to hinder you when it came to school and the fact that you’re saying you’re breaking up with me because school is to busy I just have to respect that decision because it’s what I told you to do in a way. No matter how much I believe that I should be the one to choose if I put myself in a fair or unfair position, I will believe what you said. You’re just trying your best in school and that’s what I want you to do. Of course that’s what I still want you to do because of course I still like you. The feeling of liking you is not going to go away in a few minuets like it was nothing. I will just get over it because that’s the way life works. Life is shit and I will deal with it. I will get over it and move on and keep doing me because all I do is fuck up relationships somehow and I will just sit here, listening to my music and thinking to myself how people do it. How do two people come together and work things out. How do two people have the ability to communicate with one another to make things work out between them. How do two people find each other, someone that is willing to try in a relationship. Someone that is willing to try for the other no matter how hard it may be because they like them that much. How do people find someone that likes them enough to do that, to build a relationship and make it work because relationships are never perfect yet when two people work together at it, it works out because they try, because they put their all into it. How does someone find someone like that? I’m asking for a friend of course, remember I’m alright. I’m okay why would I be asking for myself? I’m all good, I’ll be alright and I’ll work things out myself, I’m just asking for a friend. A friend that doesn’t really fucking know.














