The world is not Beautiful, therefore it is @dr3ws0ph - Tumblr Blog

In an ancient forest, shallow pools reflect not the trees above, but a luminous city of elsewhere.

are non brits aware of count binface.

to give some entirely bizarre context, nigel farage (extreme cunt) has stepped down from his position as MP for clacton (due to a scandal where he received £5 million from a crypto billionaire that could have been laundered) only to run again so that he can prove people like him. and the only person running against him is count binface. who has been a staple of british politics for many years. and now the british press is forced to interview him seriously while he sits there with his binface.

mephostophilis

sorry. correction. laurence fox is also there

mephostophilis

materterrae

expressions-of-nature

Blue Flower Field, Japan by Daniel Korzhonov

thatchronicfeeling

[Image Description: photos of huge swathes of nemophila (blue flowers) in a field. The first photo has a tree in the middle, and the second has a winding footpath, with one person on the path in the distance. End ID.]

ambienne

This tweet means a lot to me.

ambienne

It’s probably a really cool and good sign that this post I made in 2014 is going around again, right?

interminimal

Vent #???

It's been a while since I've typed something out to vent or complain or just to get shit off my chest. Maybe that's why I just feel so empty and numb? Or I guess, the lack of feeling.

My boy died. To be more specific, my cat Magni. It's not like previous pets I've had. I didn't re-home him or have him taken away from me. I dropped him off at the vet only to be woken up the next morning with the news. So many thoughts go through my head. How maybe if I took him to the vet sooner he would still be alive. Or what did I do that caused him to eat the couch and get string in his intestine. I knew he was losing weight, badly and even after taking him to the vet a few months ago and him starting to slowly start to eat again and vomit less, I should have taken him again. Why the fuck am I bad at saving money that I didn't go because I didn't have the funds. Why did I think he just was not eating because he had been sick so much that he was not eating as much because he didn't want to be sick again. Why didn't I take him sooner. Maybe he would have survived the surgery if I did. I think about his dad, who I helped raise and how I failed him. I look at his two sisters every day when I am home and think how I have failed them and how I am so sorry that their brother is gone. I think of how I failed him and that I am so fucking sorry. I miss him so fucking much. I'm so sorry buddy. I'm so fucking sorry I failed you. I have just felt numb since I got the news. I come home and lay down and miss you climbing on top of me and laying down with me. I know it's not her fault when you sister climbs on top of me because she wants attention and to be pet but that was your spot. That is where you would lay and snooze with me. I miss you so fucking much buddy and I am so sorry. I can't fucking apologize enough.

I have been stressing so much of this bankruptcy bullshit for the entirety of 2026 up until this point and thankfully it is over but having to deal with that on top the loss of my boy.

What exactly am I supposed to think, when I asked you out and clearly told you I had feelings for you just for you to say you were not ready to date yet. I was fine, I didn't have a problem. We still were good friends and were talking and texting everyday until we weren't. Until you pulled back because people kept telling you that you are leading me on even though we already communicated that you were not ready and was rejecting me. That I was fine with it because at the end of the day, rejection is a part of life. So now instead of close friends talking all the time, we maybe text once a week, twice if we are lucky because I always feel like a bother. When I message you and never get a reply, I'm not going to keep messaging you until you reply. So what am I supposed to day when you tell me you miss talking with me? You miss our everyday phone calls that would last multiple hours? You are the one that pulled away first. I'm only responding to what you give me. I told you I had issues with keeping friends. That after I moved, I tried keeping in contact with old friends only to be let down and that I don't reach out much anymore. I'm going to give you the same amount of energy as you give me. And now randomly you are going to message me if I think you are attractive and then send me a slightly provocative picture just randomly? What the fuck am I supposed to think in that situation? Like, I'm already dealing with fucking hating myself for the loss of my cat and just now finally getting relief of the bankruptcy being over just for you to potentially confuse me even more?

I'm just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of dealing with everything and I just want to sleep. Maybe that's because of still dealing with the depression of losing Magni and just wanting to sleep to forget it all. Tired of dealing with my friends asking me for relationship advice when they're going out on dates and I'm here just chilling at home because I fucking hate myself and don't even think I'm worth it for anyone. Yet you are still going to ask the person who hasn't had a girlfriend in the past 6 years for advice and help? At the end of the day, I'm just drained but it's okay. I'll get over everything like I always do. I may be a little more emotionless from the loss of Magni but I'll be okay. I still have coffee, I still have my job and a roof currently over my head. I still have Magni's 2 sisters to care for and I still have myself. No matter how much I may want someone to share life with. They don't deserve to deal with this shit show that my life is. So it is going to be okay.

I just wish my buddy was still here. I wish I was better. I wish I had the money for vets months ago and I wish I questioned more instead of thinking you were going to be okay. I miss you buddy and I'm so fucking sorry and I'm sorry that all I can do is say I'm sorry and I'm sorry for being sorry. I fucking miss you buddy.

#personal #personal rant #sorry for the rant #rant #vent post #vent #dr3ws0ph