it is odd to get back on e and notice how much more comfortable i am with people perceiving me... and kinda recognize that i used to be more like i am now, but gradually retreated into myself over the course of my twenties for some reason! i mean im sure covid didn't help but i can recognize all sorts of habits & tendencies ive had--fear of online surveillance, under-sharing in conversations, Never Ever showing my face to online friends, excessive guilt about my past--as part of this overall pattern of disappearing into my shell and never letting anyone see what i am.
i have been working pretty hard at pushing back against these habits over the course of the past year or so! but within a pretty short timespan of regular estrogen injections i feel like they are almost starting to fall away on their own, with minimal effort on my part. i could be off base in my self analysis but i am beginning to suspect that gender dysphoria is/was a pretty strong underlying factor here! it makes a lot of sense to me in retrospect that slowly worsening dysphoria could lead to slowly worsening social withdrawal and guilt or anxiety about who i am.
luckily i can do something about it now in Three Easy Steps taken every x days!
